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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I don't know if I can do this...

7 replies

StrictlyGoShopping · 12/01/2013 22:48

I want to separate and DH has finally agreed after months of reluctance. He says he's moving out soon and so we're talking about who gets the 3DC when etc etc. the thing is, even though I've been pushing to separate( DH is emotiionally absent and i can stand his lack of nterest in me no longer) am unable to process this, that I won't see my kids for 50% of their childhood. Is my search for happiness worth this misery?

Am so fecking unhappy.

OP posts:

myroomisatip · 12/01/2013 22:51

Well I dont usually post and I am sure you will get some great advice but, I have to ask why you are considering your DH having 50% access? Are you their main carer? Is he?

mammadiggingdeep · 12/01/2013 22:52

I take it you tried counseling? Has he explained his lack of interest?

Sorry you're in this situation and are so unhappy :(

MushroomSoup · 12/01/2013 22:53

It's worth it. I've been there. Just hang on in there. Once you get past this awful phase it all becomes easier.
You will find you enjoy your time without them, eventually - and the time you spend with them becomes better quality.

And you will be happy! Happy mum = happy kids.

nannyof3 · 12/01/2013 23:00

He doesnt need 50%

Original poster

StrictlyGoShopping · 12/01/2013 23:02

It seems only fair that it's around 50/50 as he's a good dad and wants to see them as much as he can.
No, not counselling, but he can't explain his emotional absence. I'm not sure he even gets what I mean which sums it up really.

I know happy mum= happy kids, but they'd be happier surely if the 2 people they love most stayed together? Also v difficult to explain adult relationships and emotions to a teenager and young child, it seems selfish this way. And although I can only imagine how hellish it would be if an affair was the reason to split at least its a definite, black and white reason, not these hugely painful shades of grey...

OP posts:

doinmybest · 13/01/2013 00:17

I felt similar today. My H left a few months ago and has dc's weekend to do 'fun' things while I miss out the fun and do homework/chores. But Mushroom soup is right. I get a weekend to myself and when they come home Im all theirs, all rested and jobs done instead of trying to manufactur 'happy family' time like in the past

raenbow · 13/01/2013 00:30

I read your post and it could have been me writing it 18 months ago.
Don't stay because of the children please. I stayed another year for the children and felt just the same as you. I am not there yet ( just found out my H's distance was probably because of an OW )I also said (on MN too) I wished there was OW as at least I could understand it, turns out there was.
The first thing is your children and the one sensible thing he has said in all this is ' In the future when they are making relationship choices do you want to give the children the idea that it is OK to accept that it's good to stay in an unhappy relationship.'
The times on your own are difficult to start with ( I went out, did weekly shop and kept busy, saved up jobs/ visits) Think about 50/50 carefully though, even if he is a good dad.
You will be happy again, you will meet someone who cares for you and you will not feel undervalued and worthless as you do now. Part of living in a relationship like this is that this is how it makes you feel and so you feel you do not deserve better...you do ( believe me I know I've got the T-shirt!!)
Good luck x

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