What's the answer/response?

[bexsybooboo]

What do you say when you tell h you are leaving and he says the kids stay with him?
Have been trying separate since September following years of EA to myself.
Tried to talk to him yesterday and offer options if he won't move out one of which was I would leave with the children and we will arrange shred custody/visitations.

His response was 'you know where the door is, you are the only one with the problem but I'm not going anywhere and neither are the children they stay in their home'

I am living an emotional and draining nightmare but will not leave without my children. One question he throws at me is 'why should the children live with you and not me'. I never have the answer as he is their dad, they love him and he had as much right as me.

What do I say ???

Are you their primary carer?

You need proper legal advice and asap; his threats are designed to keep you in the dark place that he put you in. This is still about power and control and he is not above using the children as weapons against you.

He should ultiamtely be the one to leave; you and your children should be able to remain within your own home. Do speak to Womens Aid today; they have also come across this type of scenario before and could further advise.

Are you married? Is the house in joint names? Are you the primary carer for the dc?

Have you had any legal or financial advice? Knowledge will help set you free.

You can end the relationship. He cannot keep the children from you, but you will never talk him round to seeing it your way, so you will have to make the break. You won't get his permission to do it, but fortunately you don't need it to end a relationship.

He can't be there physically all the time to stop you and the dc leaving, surely?

Do you have access to money?

XH tried that "you're the one who's unhappy so you have to walk" crap. Fortunately the law doesn't work like that.

Oh, important question, are you in the UK?

The answer is, "We are not happy, I wish to seperate. The horrible atmosphere between us is bad for the children, we will both still be their parents and both retain responsibility for their welfare. But as I am the primary carer (assuming you are) they will reside with me and you will see them ...... Insert as appropriate ( from 50 -50 residence to one day a week supervised if that what you think is appropriate)

You cant MAKE him leave if legally it is your joint home (unless he is violent) but you can make plans to relinquish the property and move on with your children....

Say nothing, talk to a solicitor, start the divorce proceedings and stay put with your children. You cannot negotiate with an unreasonable man.

Hi. Apologies I managed to get out for a few hours with my youngest.

Have posted 2 thread previously but didn't know how to link them.

We are in the uk and joint tenants in local authority home. Have seen solicitor who told me there was nothing I could do as when broken down it is exactly 50-50 care presently.

I can't apply for a residency order as he is not a risk/threat to children. She advised I could once I left with them and could demonstrate they were at risk of being taken. The trouble is leaving without fear of snatching them before I cld get an order.

Its the one question I could never truly answer and wondered what other people's response would be.

Thankyou all for advise.