Unknown

[needsomeperspective]

We have been out to a parent and baby's social event. My "d"h didn't want to go. On the way home he was extremely rude and scathing of another couple who were driving home the 800 yards from the neighbours home to theirs because they had been drinking. I do not approve of that at all of course but it was literally a 2 minute drive... Anyway.... my DH has had a conviction for drunk driving, and at one point in our relationship was arrested because I begged him not to drive me home and he ended up trying to drag me into his car and throttle me on the grass next to the car park when I refused to get in (this was 4 years ago). So I basically said the equivalent of "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones". And he went mental. Said he wanted to "wipe that smug look off my face" that I was a "cunt" and is still sulking.

I'm just wondering how many "leave the bastard"s I am going to get just from this post...

Probably quite a few as that sounds awful and I would feel very unsafe and unhappy in a relationship like that. But if it floats your boat.......

Why are you still with the bastard? :)

Shall I be the first ?

um.......abusive man who thinks the law applies to others, not him, gets to call you names, threaten you and actually has assaulted you in the past....

no redeeming feature could make me think that this relationship is good for you, but you obviously have at least one child .

your decision, your life but I'd vote in favour of LTB

What will it take for you to end this fucked up relationship?

DTF (dump the fucker) is the new LTB.

Why not start the New Year as you should have gone on when this abusive twunt tried to drag you into his car and throttle you?

I really don't know AF.

I wish I did.

Oh I also now recall a few months ago when we got back from a (drunken) brunch and he drove to the booze shop to top up.

He is a fucker and I honestly can't go on like this. I can't.

You seem to know this behaviour is utterly wrong and you've already anticipated the tenor of the replies.... Why the post, therefore? Does it help you to write it all down for disembodied strangers? Would it actually be better if you wrote this down and gave it to someone who could make a difference to your life?... a GP or a trusted friend, for example?

Kill The Bastard

So , what do you need to be able to get out??

(and by the way make sure you are in private browsing etc...no need to stir him up unnecessarily!)

What do you get out of this relationship now, what needs of yours are being met by this person?.

Why do you not know what it would actually take for you to leave such a dysfunctional relationship?. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?

I presume you have stayed out of a toxic combination of total fear, shame and embarrassment. All of which are totally misplaced feelings by the way.

If you have DC what are they learning from the two of you about relationships?.

You have a choice re this person, your children do not. They won't thank you for remaining with him if you were to choose to, they will despise you for being weak and for putting him in their eyes before them.

Have a chat with womens aid, love

You need help to get away from him

Fear shame and embarrassment

Yes that seems to be it in a nutshell

I just want to be normal

Yes it helps to write it down it makes it harder to minimise. MAybe I should keep a log.

Normal is possible.....you have to take the initiative though. he won't change, you can;t fix him and life is so much more than what you are experiencing.

You can't live like this. You know it's unacceptable. A chat with WA sounds like a great idea to start breaking it down.

You won't be normal whilst you are with him. You have become inurred to his abusive treatment of you.

So what did you learn about relationships when growing up?.

He will kill you in the end. He has already worn you down a lot but you still have some fight and or self worth left because you have posted on here and you know that this abuse of you is wrong.

Writing it down on here means you won't try and minimise his abuse or even try to rationalise it in your head.

I would urge you to take the first, and often the most hardest of steps to take, to actually leave him. Your feelings of total fear, shame and embarrassment are totally misplaced; he has messed up here, not you. You only mess up if you choose to remain with such an individual for whatever reasons.

Do talk to Womens Aid as well; they can and will help you.

writing it down-first step to happiness op?

And he went mental. Said he wanted to "wipe that smug look off my face" that I was a "cunt" and is still sulking.

What a charming man, slagging off others for doing what he did, and then treating you like garbage for pointing it out, not a nice man is he?

Keep a log but then take the next step and share it with someone who can help you. Keep a log and keep it secret and my fear is that you risk him finding it and flying off the handle.

He's a charmer, throttled you and dragged you across the grass to get you into his car, and still you had a DC by him!! But even more so now you have good reason to get rid. If you can't find the strength for youself, do it for your DC

I remember this man.

You need to make a plan. At least talk to a real life 3rd party, WA as has been suggested.

This isn't normality, remember that. Well, it is a fucked-up normal for you at the moment, but there are kind, considerate and generous men out there.

There are even men out there who do actually change for the better when they say they are going to. He's not one of them, it seems to me.

Reasons I am leaving you:

1. You are verbally abusive. You have called me a bitch, a cunt, told me I'm not capable of looking after my children, screamed in my face sworn at me in the most disgusting ways
2. You are physically abusive. You have throttled me multiple times, you held knives to my face when was 7 months pregnant because I objected to your road rage, you have shoved me, intimidated me, pulled hair so hard it fell out in handfuls afterwards
3. You are emotionally abusive; you drive fast and recklessly to scare me, you withhold affection for days and even weeks, you blank me, shut me out and intimidate me so I am afraid speaking in case I provoke you anger
4. You have cheated on me in the past and still cannot tell me why that was, so I stillborn trust you and never will because you don't even know the reasons why you cheat
5. When you go out you cannot moderate your drinking and when you drink you are verbally, physically and emotionally abusive .
6. You never want to sleep with me
7. You lied to me about your finances and let me take on another mortgage which has crippled me financially because I've spent4 years paying off your debts (which I didnt know about before we married)
8. You never talk to me or share anything with me
9. You are mean to my dog

10. You are permanently moody and miserable to be around

You have a "log" as such on here from your threads about this man.

It hasn't helped you so far

take some concrete action and inform a RL group of people that can actually help you (like WA)