Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

A bit sad, but should I do anything?

7 replies

EastHollyDaleStreet · 10/01/2013 19:28

One of the women that works for me is, to be honest, a bit of a nightmare at times. She has been there forever, knows everything and can be really hard work at times. However, I get on okay with her and I am her boss which she respects. Today, we were trying to do something on the computer and several people in the building tried to help. Basically, none of us could do it and so we all just gave up. She looked really unhappy and said 'oh well, my dh will just say I am useless as usual. Everything I do he makes fun of, I'm not allowed to have instructions for anything and he tells everyone we know how hopeless I am. the only thing I'm allowed is my Kindle' I was really shocked for her - although I'd had an idea he may be a little controlling as have met him a couple of times and got a sort of feeling. We talked for a bit and I said that I felt that was controlling and humiliating behaviour and that she needed to tell him we had all tried etc, she just seemed resigned to it.. It just made me really unhappy for her. I can sort of see now why she is the way she is. Should I try to help her? or should I just let it go??

OP posts:
sudaname · 10/01/2013 19:49

I think you can only let her know that you are there to listen to her if ever she wants to chat or whatever (if of course you want that). Do always think that when people who have kept these things hidden for a long time suddenly 'choose' you to tell about it , then maybe it is a cry for help and she wants to do something about it but needs some moral support.

Poor lady - can you not call her in for a little informal chat and tell her you were a bit worried when she said that. l am sure even if she doesnt want anything else from you - just knowing someone cares can mean a lot in itself and spur you on to help yourself. Living with a controller is a very lonely place and deliberately made so by the controller - been there ! Sad

Just reach out would be my advice. she will soon tell you if she doesnt want any help but you could still tell her that your door is always open.

sudaname · 10/01/2013 19:51

sorry - 'I' do always think' - that wasnt meant as an order !

EastHollyDaleStreet · 10/01/2013 19:57

Yes, I think you're right. She drives us all up the wall but clearly feels 'in control' at work, now I know why :(

OP posts:
TakeMyEyesButNotTheMulledWine · 10/01/2013 20:15

I work with someone similar although she is now single. It's not surprising really that's she's so controlling in work knowing her history. It's very sad.

I just keep my distance when she "is on one", then friendly and supportive should she need it.

Floralnomad · 10/01/2013 20:20

Sad ,maybe ,but why would her husband even know about what she could or couldn't do at work unless she goes home and says to him that she is useless?

EastHollyDaleStreet · 10/01/2013 21:15

SHe will say 'oh, we couldn't get it to work' to which he will respond 'of course it works, you just can't do it' type of thing

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 10/01/2013 21:43

Tell her there's this really good website you've heard of called Mumsnet... Wink

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread