Mil & dh Aibu?

[Gangie]

So I'm 39 wks pregnant just had my 2nd sweep today, hospital is 50 mins drive away and it takes at least 3 hours to be seen. Also had very bad night sleep awake at 5am to see to ds so.... Mil is a bit useless but had to ask her mind ds today as other arrangement fell through, that's fine she always says she wants to help & just ask but she is a bit lazy (ie sleeps a lot during day, up half the night, housework not up much doesn't cook ect...) dh can be but lazy too, but is working physical job n is up since 6am, home at 5.30 today but not normally until 7. Used to be rubbish at housework but much better now and is very good dad and hands on most of the time.. Cut a long story short I went to put pjs on and rest on bed for few mins as sore after sweep & lots of walking today, left dh & mil wit ds, after 20mins ds who is 2 came lookin for me, it's his tea time then bath then bed by 7.30 at latest, I bring him to kitchen n the dh/mil r both asleep on couch! No thought of dinner for us or ds no bath pjs or anything ready. I went a bit mental because I feel it's allays left to me to organise ie they will help if told explicitly what to do...have shouted and cried now am wondering AIBU??

YANBU Gangie, they are a lazy pair of bastards

Really inconsiderate of your dh - if being knackered, sore and heavily pregnant doesn't warrant special care what the heck does? Shouting and crying completely understandable.

OP, you should be the one getting as much rest as possible in readiness for labour!

Bloody hell, sweeps are awful and you've just had your second!!! YANBU at all.

He said all he did was accidentally nod off while dc was on his knee and is after hard days work ect..was apologetic n went n got ds ready for bed, told me to lie down brought me tea and will make dinner. However he still thinks I'm blowing it out of proportion. Mil all apologies again asking what she can do (bit late!!) brought me hot water bottle And will be sorry n more helpful until the next time how can I make dh see that when kids are involved there is a new time table? Between 6-7.30 is a busy time in most family homes is it??

At least he's making amends and as you say is generally helpful and a good dad (those are tough hours he's on!). Looks like you're going to have to spell it out for him exactly what to do and when which is annoying but saves upset in the long run.

With the mil, at least she's willing to help and good-natured, compared with the over-critical, overbearing type that seems so common.

OK, they cocked up, but at least they've apologised and are trying to make amends.
Make the most of it!

My DP is very similar to yours. We got to a point after DS was born where I just needed more help and my wish that he would anticipate those needs was just not going to happen. At which point, I changed my thinking slightly and began to view myself as the "project manager" of our home and family. If he required constant instruction, then he could have it. I wrote up a timetable of jobs and indicated which were his/where he had to provide cover. I made my expectations crystal clear.

Demonshedmaster I think that is a good idea. I'm goin to discuss it with him later because things are about to get a lot more hectic round here!! I wasn't sure if I was just being pregnant and emotional thanks for all replys....much appreciated!

Hello again I don't know how to link
Threads is i just thought I would add this here and hope that someone sees it

Need opinion on another Aibu in a similar vein. I just had our daughter on Saturday after a very difficult labour which started thurs & ended sat afternoon with emergency section under general. Got home from hospital yesterday and all is give just very sore & tired and i am exclusively breadtfeeding. Oh had to go back to work yday. My mum has come to stay and help as I can't drive for 6 wks and need a hand with toddler.

Anyway He came in from work @ 6 and did go straight to ds to play, mum got dinner organised and i was feeding baby. I asked him to bath ds later as she hadn't had a full bath yet and phn coming tomor. He said he would later, I asked again at 8.30 he said he would in ten minutes as he was tired and had to close his eyes first. Ok I said, it came to 9.10 and he jumped up and said he had to go to bed as he was wrecked! I was so thick , reminded him he was to bath dd and he said dont start, not today I'm destroyed tired just want to sleep. I am do upset, trying not to cry in front of mum. Am I wrong to think he us being a selfish prick? I am wrecked too, have to bath dd now and feed her before i can go to bed myself and then get up at least 2 times to feed again before morning. Aibu? And if not what will i do now?

Why do you need to bath the baby? Just top and tail her/give her a wipe with a flannel if necessary but as long as you clean her well at nappy changes she doesn't need a bath.

Your dh should be being more helpful tho!

You're both tired - it is knackering having a newborn. I wouldn't worry about the bath tonight - do it in the morning (or get your Mum to).

YANBU. Talk to your mum and ask her if she can help. Can you get some time to talk to your dh properly tomorrow? No matter how tired he's feeling, it's not a patch on having to do what you're doing at the moment! You should be resting so soon after a c-section surely? He must know this.

It's not on and he needs to start doing his job as a husband and father. I hope you're ok.

Cut yourself some slack. Your DD was only born on Saturday (congrats by the way). Does she really need a bath? we were advised not to fully bath until the stump had fallen off - that took a week. We only bath our baby DD (8 weeks) a couple of times a week and top and tail other times. He was being a twat and should have done it if he said he would. You've been through a lot and tiredness helps us get things out of proportion (talking from experience here - I know I am more unreasonable and obsessive about things at the moment). Your mum won't mind you crying - anyone would in this situation.

Do they have some kind of medical problems cos I've never heard if people being so tired all the time ffs.
It would appear you are stick with a lazy git tho. If I were you I'd lay the flipping law down or tell him you will get some help and he will pay.
I'm always waited on hand and foot after my sections.
Take it easy tho its early days.

So we have had a few more incidents since my last post on sat he decided to have a nap n the chair in sitting room at 3pm cos he was tired. My dad was here for the weekend abs had brought a chainsaw as requested by dh to cut some wood. Dad asked me if oh was comin to it? I wake oh, que shouting match then he had lie in sun which was five within reason but still no sign of him gettin up at half ten. After me gettin annoyed abs more shouting he got up round 11.
To top it all I woke this morning to feed dd at 6 oh was gettin into bed. Said he was wrecked that ds was up half the night and he had to go in and sleep with him and therefore he was not goin to work! Now He has just been given notice on current job, it's ending Friday do he will be jobs from next week until he finds more work. I went mad, we cabt afford to loose a days pay ie. €140 a day. ESP when he has no work from next week. Tried to explain being tired us par for the course as a parent And he just has to suck it up. I left him till 9 am then told him if he didn't get up and go into work I would go up my patents for the week ( they live 5hrs away) he took that very badly and said I wd threatening him and I was never to do that and I wasn't 'allowed' take the children! I didn't go in the DVD because I feel terrible I have tummy trouble and still very sore from section and didn't really want to face a 5 he journey and he did go to work in the end. He thinks I an being completely unreasonable Abput all this. I think I am not. I know we need to Ho to cpunselling he had agreed but that's weeks away. I Am so fed up what will I do? My sister is coming today for the week so that's added stress as We won't get to talk /argue properly this is supposed to be a happy time, I feel rubbish

So sorry about spelling and errors am on phone and breast feeding and half asleep!

Hi Gangie, I think you both need to take a breather. Both you and your DH sound absolutely knackered and stressed out, and it isn't helping your relationship! I remember having some rip-roaring fights with DH after DS was born and I can say they were 100% due to tiredness.

I think going to your parents might be a good idea, but perhaps not announcing it during a fight would have been a better tactic? If you go to your parents for a day or two, they can help with your DD and DS and you can get some much needed sleep, and your DH can get some much needed sleep. I think this will help you both tackle the stressers in your life (mainly that he's now without work, and him helping around the house).

He doesn't sound like a horribly bad guy, you both just sound exhausted!