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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

new partner cheating?

12 replies

phil7108 · 10/01/2013 01:29

i split from my husband just over a year ago, met a guy but later found out he had feelings for someone else after looking at his phone. Since then ive been wary. Met this guy a few months ago who i have know as a friend for 12 years. We started seeing each other and have now become an item. He told me in a heart to heart that him and his wife had many issues and they both had cheated. Fast forward onto today and I go on the pc and he has left his facebook open. There were messages to a girl (one that he had cheated to with his wife) saying do you want to go for a drink next Wednesday. He has told me in the past that this girl sometimes texts him but they are just friends. I asked him tonight what he had planned for next week but he said nothing. I told my best friend about this and she said I should go to the pub on Wednesday and 'bump' into him. What do others think. He is naturally quite flirty with females and this annoys me. He said he wants to be with me and his kids and be a family etc. As a single 31 year old this is a big thing for me so I dont want to be messed about. He is same age. Any advice please.

OP posts:
Booyhoo · 10/01/2013 01:35

dont leave it til next week. just end it now. as you say, you dont want to be messed around so dont mess around with getting what you want and he is not it. text him and tell him you know he's a cheat and he's dumped. then move on and find your lovely person who appreciates you. dont waste any more time on this loser.

DSM · 10/01/2013 01:38

Agree

phil7108 · 10/01/2013 01:38

has he cheated though? Do i be harsh or just have it out and ask where he is going Wednesday and why he cant tell me - if he does at all before.

OP posts:
phil7108 · 10/01/2013 01:43

my friend said either go to the pub and see what he is up to (well he will prob just be sat there and having a drink - hardly a crime) or watch what he does when he leaves - kisses her etc. If i ask him that I know your going for a drink i dare say he will say that he didnt tell me as I wouldnt like it. I have male friends and he doesnt have an issue with that.

OP posts:
Hyperballad · 10/01/2013 01:46

As a single 31 year old, the world is yours to do what you want when you want. You have so many choices, you are a free person, you will meet the right man for you one day and you can enjoy and live life to the full and make every day count.

Life is too short, don't waste anymore time on this. IMO its irrelevant to whether he has cheated now or not.

Booyhoo · 10/01/2013 01:47

well only you can decide whether you trust him or not. i couldn't be with someone i didn't trust, whether that was my issue or their behaviour causing it, i would have to remove myself from the relationship (and have done)

i certainly wouldn't entertain the idea of spying on a boyfriend in the pub. boyfriends and the early days are supposed to be the good times. does it feel good to you?

instinct/gut feeling should always be trusted IMO and IME. you have these feelings of mistrust for a reason. only you can decide what to do with them.

phil7108 · 10/01/2013 01:48

no it doesnt feel good to think i would be spying on him. Just annoying that i thought i found someone nice :-/

OP posts:
Booyhoo · 10/01/2013 01:52

it is not nice to go through. but at least you know early on and can move on before you get too involved?

this guy sounds like that old leaopard.

Booyhoo · 10/01/2013 01:52

or leopard even! Blush

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/01/2013 04:32

He lied. He doesn't have to cheat.

izzyizin · 10/01/2013 07:06

You'll never know where you are with a liar. You'll never know whether they're telling you the truth or another pack of lies - until it's too late.

Dump him now.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/01/2013 08:00

The trouble with men who cheat is that lying becomes second-nature and they have an answer for everything. Did he and his ex really break up because of 'issues'? Did they both cheat, really ... or was it just him unable to keep it in his pants? It's early days and he has already been dishonest about his old flame & still flirts with women generally. This kind of man has no boundaries. You're already annoyed about the flirting, suspicious of his g/f and entertaining ideas of following him to spy on him.

If you don't want to be messed about, give this one a wide berth.

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