Depressed Partner

[Katrina33]

Hi everyone,

New here - just looking for a little advice or maybe just a listening ear?

I am 27 weeks pregnant and my partner (well I think he's still that??) has been diagnosed with severe depression.

We hadn't been together long (7 months) before I found out I was pregnant but we decided to try and make a go of it. However, not long after I noticed he was becoming more and more withdrawn and was having real difficulties in planning for the future or making any commitment etc. He'd already been having some difficulties prior to the pregnancy as his daughter from a previous relationship was barely seeing him and she was having problems with his relationship with me. This was obviously really difficult for him which I completely understood.

We had a really difficult few months when I felt very unclear about what was happening and then things hit an all time low just before Christmas when he stopped going to work and was diagnosed with severe depression. He is now on anti depressants and has been recommended to attend counselling. I've hardly heard from him since other than a few text messages.

I just don't know what to do. If he wasn't unwell I feel like I'd be telling him where to go as he has treated me terribly, but he is unwell and I want to stick by him and still love him.

But at the same time the clock is ticking. I won't be able to afford to live in my house once I'm on maternity leave and if things don't work out between me and him then I will need to go and live with my mum and and dad who live 100 miles away. I really don't want to take the baby so far away from his/her Dad :(

I know I haven't explained everything properly here - I just don't know what to do!

My partner suffers from depression. My advice would be not to wait for him. He may get better, he may not. Be there for him but not at the expense of yourself.
You are the one who is going to need support and quite frankly he will not be able to give it to you, even if he is on the mend it it wont be enough for your needs after the birth.
My advice would be to take care of yourself and go to your parents. He may get it together, but it may take time and still may not be enough to fully support a partner who has just given birth and has a new baby.
I am not trying to sound harsh, I just want the best for you, and waiting for a depressed partner to sort himself out is hard work and takes a lot of time.

Depression can take a very long time to lift.

Glad he is getting treatment, and as you obviously care about him please do all you can to encourage him to continue all treatments that are offered.

Beating in mind you are only 13 weeks from having the baby, my opinion is that you can't expect him to be 'better' in time for the birth, particularly as it sounds as though you were thinking you might move in with him.

Prioritize yourself and the baby at this point, please. By all means keep in close contact, if he can rise to more than texting at the moment! Your plan to move to your parents could be a good one; only you can know whether that would work out well for you all.

Have you looked at other options if your want to stay in your current area (presume you have friends and support here?)? Thinking about benefits, alternative housing, etc that may be available that could tide you over maternity leave. Would your parents contribute financially instead of taking you in? Could you still go back to your old job if you move to your parents?

Lots of questions for you to think about! I know you didn't expect to have to do this on your own, so it will feel tough for you. However, I think you do have to at least make plans for coping without your DP because of the timescales involved, and I say that from a position of knowledge about depression, both mine and others'.

Hope your DP benefits from the help he is getting, and that you can now make good decisions for you and the baby.

Thanks guys, your replies are really helpful and I know you're right x