Would anyone care to pass comment on my relationship/Do I expect too much from him

[TripleRock]

DH and I have been married for coming up 10 years and have a 2yo DD. Before DD came along we both worked f/t and earned similar wages. Since DD, I have worked p/t, 3 or 4 days per week.

I have always thought we split things pretty evenly when it comes to running our lives together, but recently DH has said one or two things which make me think he thinks he does too much. I'd really like some opinions on whether this might be the case.

Basically DH cooks every day whether I'm working or not. The only way I do anything in the kitchen is if he specifically asks me to get something ready, in which case I do exactly what he asks. He also makes his own lunch and mine for me if I'm working that day. He works long hours 8-6 and sometimes weekends, but gets up early so he can spend time with DD while I get showered and dressed and more often than not he gets DD dressed and ready for nursery as well. He irons his own shirts.

We share things like nighttime parenting and weekly shopping 50/50 although on reflection I
probably do more of the former and he the latter.

I look after DD when I'm not working and prepare her meals during the day, except he usually leaves leftovers that I can easily reheat. I do the vast majority of the cleaning and do everyone's laundry and put it away etc plus changing beds etc and basically everything else not mentioned.

I've always thought things are pretty fair, however nearly everyone I know would have me believe he's a saint and lately I've the impression he feels hard done by.

Is he hard done by? Should I be pulling my eight more?.

I think from what you've said it is evenly split. Neither one of you are hard done by.

It's easy for others to say "he should be doing it", that's not a given, it's nice to have that support as you both work and he's a good man.

There are still a lot of men who wouldn't even do half of what he's doing whether their wife worked or not.

My hubby and I have a similar arrangment to you and it works well for us (although I'm about up my hours to full time).

It's just a question of still being mindful of each other, 50/50 or not sometimes we can still need that little bit extra from our spouses. x

Your split sounds almost exactly like ours except DH does the dad taxi service for our teenagers. I only do this when DH isn't available or has had a drink. Seems fair enough to us .

Congratulations!

Stop taking the bins out - It probably isn't safe in your condition

It's the turkey carving syndrome, isn't it? I've never met a man who didn't like carving a turkey and while they're doing it their wives are getting rid of all that grease from the pans.

"Aren't you lucky, having such a husband?" Personally, I'd rather carve the turkey myself and have someone else do all the dirty jobs. I think your husband would, too.

If the subject comes up again, you could always do the old thing of working out how much completely free time you each have (including time with no child tending responsibilities). From what you say it looks like you'll find you both have roughly the same relaxation time, so yes seems a fair & equitable split of the work

Of course as you're pg now, the natural tiredness of that will have to be factored in.....

Congratulations!

I hope this thread has reassured you that things sound balanced. He sounds lovely, as do you. This is what a grown-up relationship should look like :) Bravo.