Help with-the no contact rule-and a reality check

[sparklyjumper]

There's a whole other thread, on and off constantly for almost 4 years, but it doesn't really matter, we've broken up, it's been 6 days and I'm sure it's the best thing.

I've started reading this book, in the hope that it will help kick start something in me to make this time different to all the others and not end up back together. Only got to the first bit so far but it's about having absolutely no contact, no excuses allowed.

I think todays the first day I managed to not cry, although was at work so that helped. I have half expected him to turn up but he hasn't. He's just rang the house phone, I didn't answer. Really wanted to, want to ring back, see what he wants but I know it's the wrong thing to do.

Kate, there's a link to the book at the top of the page, it's called 'getting past your break up', I'm not the type to usually go for self help books but I was literally willing to try anything to help me not to fall into that trap again.

Cogito, you're definitely right about how I'm feeling in terms of 'what if' etc. Well most of what you and others have said have hit home.

The bit I'm sturggling with is to see him as an abuser, I mean I've been out with an obvious abuser, and he's the complete opposite. I don't know, I can sort of see things, like in the end he had me hanging on a thread with this breaking up business, like he'd use it as a threat over me, not to make me do anything awful but I wasn't allowed to really question anything or express my disagreement or he'd say 'it's not working out', or I was 'on at him' again and I'd push him to break up.

And then when he gets what he says he wants, his space, to break up he sets the little traps, the emails, the little texts, the one ringing, and usually I'd bite and I'd ring, end up in tears and I'd be the emotional psycho who needs to get a grip.

Well had a load more messages on my other email account from the weekend, he's lonely and lost without me, misses me, doesn't know what to do, does it really have to be like this? Was still getting the one rings up until latish last night.

And then another message this morning saying if I won't see him again can he have his stuff back as that's fair, and he hopes I'm ok.

What to do? Ignore and block, post stuff back without a word, bin stuff, tell him it will be outside on x time on x day? Don't really want to engage in any sort of communication as I feel I'll be letting my barriers down. And I know one message will lead into a conversation.

Yes... ignore and block. Get a friend to send one very, very short e-mail that says where his stuff will be at what time so that it is not a conversation with you. Good luck

Theres a book called 'it's called a break up because its broken' and it's really really good, i cant urge you enough to buy a copy!

That suggests having a break up buddy i.e. your best friend and every time you want to phone the ex you phone them instead

its sooooooooooo corny in places but it really helped me at the end of my serious relationship