I finally kicked my husband out 2 days after Christmas- we had a lot of issues that I have posted about before under different names, and where I was almost universally told to leave the bastard. He suffers from depression but has lied, been verbally abusive, nasty and finally said he didn't love me anymore in April- it has taken until now for me to 'get over him' and find the strength to make a break, and so I have asked him to go. I feel much better, like a weight has been lifted. It is the right thing.
But, a couple of days after I asked him to leave he came and moved out ALL of his stuff, and was angry and horrible to me. It was such a shock, it seemed so final, I held it together until he left, but then I was in bits. I called my best friend (male) in tears and he rushed straight over. We are very close, possibly a little too close as I have confided in him a lot of stuff about my marriage I couldn't tell anyone else. Anyway, after I had sobbed for a while, we drank a bottle of wine and talked for hours, and late into the night when I was rather tipsy, I kissed him. I was just trying to make myself feel better, thinking it would just be fun and mean nothing, stupid but harmless. But it wasn't, it was amazing. Ridiculous, head over heels, thunderclap amazing. I had no idea it was possible to feel this connected to someone.
We talked some more and BF confessed that he loved me. That he has been in love with me since he first met me (6 years ago, the same week I met my husband). He had said nothing, supported me, been there for me, given marriage advice, been the best friend I could ever have wanted because all he wanted was for me to be happy. That it had almost killed him to see me struggling so much. That he had missed out on me once, lost me to the wrong man, and he wasn't going to do it again. I am shellshocked, I had no idea. And I think I might feel the same way. All those things I want, they were right in front of me and I just couldn't see it. And since we kissed I am seeing him totally differently. I am falling for him. This is so unlike me.
But the timing is soooo bad. There is no way we can tell anybody, it's much too soon, and I still don't know how I feel about him. And I think it would be healthier to have some time alone. But on the other hand I have felt so alone for years and really don't want to have to cope on my own anymore. We have agreed to take things slow, to give it six months for me to sort myself out and to keep it casual in that time. But I keep grinning, I should be devastated about my marriage, but I knew that was over a long time ago. Now I am just happy.
I guess I'm asking, can this work out? Am I a horrible person for wanting to be with somebody else so soon? We really don't want to hurt anybody, and we don't want to mess this up since we feel it might be something really special.