Is it normal for a man in his early 40s to sleep so much?

[KrispyKremed]

We've been together a good few months now and he's spending more and more time at my house. When we first met he was fun, full of life and great to be around. Now - he arrives at my house and just sits in front of the TV all night. I don't watch TV so this is already starting to drive a bit of a wedge between us because like tonight for instance, he has a whole list of TV programs he wants to watch - really boring shit like space documentaries and science programs. To make matters worse, he sets himself up in front of the TV, puts something on and then falls asleep leaving me sat there wondering what the hell to do.

Infact, lately I've noticed he falls asleep most evenings after work. He's 41 - is this really normal?? there is a 10 year age gap between us so am I being unfair?

It's just all getting a bit boring.

Ha! Come on, he's 41, not 81!

I hate watching TV, although I do like stuff about space and science. But I wouldn't be up for sitting watching a whole load of stuff.

Basically, it sounds like he's got comfortable and now can't be arsed. I'd have a chat or get rid, as you see fit.

Depends how tired he is from work I suppose. I'm 43 and have been known to doze off watching evening TV.

But it's irrelevant if you're bored. Unless there's a medical problem it sounds like that's what he's likely to do of a normal evening.

Perhaps the exuberance at the beginning was the first flushes etc. Good luck

WHat does he do for a job?

I work 40 hours a week, am 49, have a DD(4), run 20 miles a week, play badminton for 4 hours a week and sleep 6-7 hours a night and thats it.

But then maybe I'm not normal

He's an engineer/supervisor so half manual/half office based. He's asleep now (hence why I'm on here!) and I can guarantee he'll wake up again around 10pm and then want to stay up until 1am.

It's just not cricket is it.

If you are not happy get out or make a plan, talk to him? I love vegging in front of the tv of an evening and I am 34, I do have 4 dcs but i think I would do that anyway. Maybe you are just not suited?

It's not the age-gap.

He's showing you the sort of life you'd have together if you lived together, I reckon. I'd take the hint and dump him, as he's not the sort of bloke you want.

Either fill up your evenings doing what you normally do and see him for dates, or consider that you are not that compatible.

We've been together 10 years and go to cinema, play Scrabble, meet friends, pop down pub, visit friends separately, cook untried recipies, play on Xbox, read, have people round....that sort of thing.....

You AGAIN? Oh dear.

Why not just dump him? He sounds both tedious and selfish - coming round to your house to fall asleep in front of the TV is hardly much fun for you. Have you got a nicer TV/sofa/house than his or something? Or is your home cooking the attraction?

After a few months, there is no need to feel bad about deciding you've had enough.

FFS what do you want us to say?

My DH is 42, the only time he falls asleep in the evenings is when our DCs aren't sleeping and we are both up in the night with them.

GET RID. For this, and for the myriad other reasons that you keep posting about.

He's not got a sleep problem he's just a BORING OLD FART. Feet right under the table, hasn't he? No more effort required. I'd take a crow-bar to the dreary bugger, prise him out of the armchair, and then show him the door.....

Ah! he sounds like my DH who is also in his early forties, we have been together for 20 years !! but even when DH was 30 he was laready like this... DH falls asleep on the sofa when he gets home from work, has his dinner then spend the evening watching crap tv sigh

If he is like this after just a few months and you are getting bored then talk to him and tell him you don't like where this is going. Good luck.

If you keep posting about him,
then we need to start looking at you.

You are NOT suited.

My h was like this when we dated over 20 years ago and he never ever changed. It's like pulling teeth to get him on a family outing. It has caused me endless misery and link was so get rid now .

And loneliness not link was!!

Reading that back again, that comes across a bit rudely.

What I am trying to say is,
a. do you keep posting because you want reasurrance about something
b.you would like some company from us
c.or some attention from us
d.or some support from us about something
e.you are afraid to get rid of him for some reason
f. you would really really like to get rid of him and want us to tell you so
g.people have told you to get rid repeatedly on different threads, and you need to hear it a lot more times yet
h.something else?

I too vaguely can remember a possible thread or two from you about him.
Please tell us the real reason you keep on posting and get the same answers and are still with him, and are still talking about getting rid of him.

I dont really mind which is the right answer, but I do think it is time you asked yourself some questions.
And then perhaps we can really help you.

Didn't you post the other day about getting back together with him?

Why the fuck did you get back with him if he bores you?

FFS stop posting about this shit if you're going to stay with him. The advice given to you will never change....

I actually think you quite like him, have no real intention of getting rid, and just like to come on here for a bit of a moan from time to time.
Oh well, up to you I suppose.

Omg OP are you sure you're not dating my DH?

Well, apart from the fact that he has been snoring away next to me for the past few hours, apart from the few minutes where I woke him up and then he actually fell asleep again while I was mid-sentence

Had a bit of a go at him. Oh god I could write a novel on this. He is hard to pry away from the telly. Before we got together I hardly ever watched it (12 years now). But I have been sucked in and it is SO HARD to break the cycle on your own. I want to get out and do stuff on the weekend as a family, and he doesnt get out of bed until noon, his default position is sat in his spot on the sofa, tv on. We had a big argument about it on Sunday - I wanted to get out of the house, something, ANYthing, made a zillion suggestions only to have them all shot down, then finally a grudging agreement to do the original plan anyways. Such a bad example to be setting for our DDs. It's awful. I never have anyone to have conversations with in the evening because he is always asleep on the couch. To be quite honest I get pretty lonely in this marriage and sometimes feel like a single parent. I know I should just go out for the day with the DDs and leave him to it, but I find it stressful having both girls on my own, and actually in spite of this one failing DH is great and I love him and want to spend time together. And then I get resentful, because of course I would love to have a lie in until noon!!

Wow, talk about opening a can of worms.

I need to stop this because it is getting me all wound up right before bedtime.

I thought this looked familiar as well. If there is nothing physically wrong with him (and there might be, look up endocrine disorders) then he's just a lazy fucker.

I'm with everyone else and think (assuming he's not unwell) that you should get rid.

Are you hoping that if you keep posting you will find someone to validate your continuing, unfulfilling relationship with this boring, lazy bastard?

They won't. Everyone will just tell you, more and more exasperatedly, to dump him.

Xposted with Hearts. My post is for OP.

Hearts I can sympathise. My dad is a lazy bastard who spent my childhood in front of the telly. Every time I visit (which isn't often) the telly is on. Getting him off the sofa is impossible and we basically have no relationship because of it. My mum gets sucked into it too.

It's really sad to see, to be honest. I would urge you, for your children's sake, to do something about this. Because I have basically lost all respect for my father.

Why have a tv in your home if you don't watch it?

I suggest you save on the licence fee by donating the tv to a good cause/worthy person and tell him not to come to your home again until he's mastered the art of conversation.