How do our morals shape our relationships?

[superstarheartbreaker]

Everyone seems to have different morals when it comes to relationships; some are monagamous, others are swingers/polygamous, some of us would date a friend's ex, others wouldn't, some people believe that marriage is crucial for child rearing; others not so much!
I for example would never knowingly have an affair with a married man but for other women the desire might outwiegh the moral implications. I am ashamed to admit that I once fell in love with a man who had a girl friend and I plotted to steal him. My desire for him totally outwieghed my shame and empathy for her. He was a big story in my life. If he was married I would have left it. As it happened they split up of other factors and he wasn't interested in me anyway.
I wouldn't ever steal a mate's friend and normally suppress any attraction I may have towards their partners. For a faceless girlfriend whom i have no loyalties towards I am more ruthless.
So do morals play a huge part in our relationships or does sex generally win? Do we suppress our sexuality too much or not enough? Just interested . Sorry if a bit deep.

You've answered your own question. Everyone has a different attitude depending on personal values, experiences, traditions and a host of other influences and pressures, internal and external. Morality is in the eye of the beholder.

Sex and lust have always been important drivers for me, but they've never won out over honesty and integrity. The first two are transferable with a new (single) object of desire, the other two aren't. The example you gave isn't just about giving into sex, it's also about being a party to some other woman being lied to and deceived.

I couldn't do that. No man is worth me losing my integrity and doing the dirty on another person.

Have often wondered about this and while obviously I think cheating is morally wrong and, equally importantly, no basis for a good relationship, I wonder how realistic the goal of monogamy is. On the basis that not achieving it seems to cause such misery and sadness, rather than opposed to looking upon a relationship as successful but having run its course.

Surely the notion of the monogamous marriage was more relevant when women couldn't go out and earn their own money from a stable career? So to basically have an education system and cultural norms that condition young women to base their lives around attracting and keeping a man, often above all else, is outdated?

And how moral is it to stay in a dead marriage, where neither party loves each other any more, for lifestyle, financial reasons, and fear of the unknown?

Well, morals definitely win when it comes to judging other people's relationships!

I agree with LMA about the lack of realism people have about fidelity. Perhaps if it was looked on as less integral to all relationships always, all the time, more people would make it to old age with a friend by their side who shared the same memories, loved the same family, cared for the same home etc. My ex's parents split because of infidelity but then constantly pined for each other. They'd have been so much better off staying put.

I've got no problem with people not sticking to fidelity and monogamy, as long as everyone's aware and knows the score. I do sometimes wonder though whether it's the deceit and competition bit that's the thrill for some people and whether perhaps there would be less messing around if it was all above board and 'sanctioned'.....

Also what happens if you and your partner have different morals; not just relating to sex but too life in general. Could you be with someone who you fancied the pants off but whose views you couldn't tolerate or do you not fancy people with different views?
I once had a boyfriend who apparently fancied me but hated my views and spent most of out relationship trying to change my opinions. I guess I also would be interested to know if you have chosen your life partner mainly because you fancy them and/or because they have similar views. I mean the odds of finding that special person who you click with on all levels is very rare indeed! I have certainly found myself shaping my own views and interests to a man's who I have fancied in my youth which is all part of the women being conditioned to please men thing I think.

I think a couple needs to have similar moral frameworks & outlooks on life. Long-term you need to have those sorts of things in common.

No - even back in the day I was never able to fancy a racist, a sexist, or a man who was mean with money. It was as though these traits literally stopped any lust stone dead, however fanciable a bloke was looks-wise. Other things I could get past in order to shag someone, while knowing they weren't relationship-material.

In our long marriage, we were quite lucky that we did click on pretty much all levels but I'd say that in our case on points of difference, my husband has moved far more over to my side of the fence than I have his. For example, he used to be conservative with a very small 'c' and now he's as left-wing as me.

I feel even more strongly about some things now than I did in my youth and if single again, I know without a doubt that I'd be a fussy so-and-so. There's stuff I just wouldn't compromise on now though and that's fine by me.