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Original poster

Meeting up with first love after 20 years - good or bad?

52 replies

muffintop · 07/01/2013 21:09

He was the love of my life and probably never really got over him. Dated for about 3 years but split up -we were young, nieve (early 20s). We always knew what each other were doing (marriage, children etc but never spoke and only met once by chance).

Roll on 20 odd years We are both single and divorced. Ex sister contacted me on facebook and we have got chatting and are planning to meet up. I am on a rollercoaster of emotions but am trying to keep level headed as lots of things/people can change - trouble is I still fancy the pants off him and have never met anyone who made me feel like he did Grin.

So disaster waiting to happen or just go with the flow?

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 11/01/2013 21:40

Ooooh good luck!

I met up with my first love after 15 years, we had a very tiny fling but he was very newly divorced and I remembered I dumped him as he was too straight laced and clean living for me and then work took him off to the other side of the world! Kept in touch for a while but it's lapsed now.

financialwizard · 11/01/2013 22:00

Shamelessly marking my place.

I am soooo excited for you. I still think wistfully of my first love.

Original poster
muffintop · 11/01/2013 22:27

Thanks everyone - I am excited but also very nervous, I don't know what to expect but will be great for a catch up if nothing else. My mind is racing will all these old memories (not always good to look back but lots of fun times that he also remembers according to his texts - so it couldn't all have been bad!) I have to go even though I may end up feeling sad but have carried these feelings around for years and if nothing else will help close a chapter in my life that needed sorting. Roll on next Friday Grin. PS what do I wear???

OP posts:
lessemin · 19/01/2013 16:54

How did it go? [nosy]

Original poster
muffintop · 21/01/2013 22:21

Hi my update Grin finally met up on Saturday (even with inches of snow on the ground) after texting and speaking for over a week - instant attraction, major flirting, lots of banter and conversation - this is going to sound really corny but both of us never forgot each other, always knew what had happened in our lives, who we married, how many kids etc. Lots of fantastic snogging (forgot how good that was!) We are going to see each other again and make time even though we have kids, jobs and juggling both may prove challenging but more than willing to give it a go. Haven't been this happy in years Grin

OP posts:
flowerflo · 21/01/2013 22:24

Woohoo. Good to read something happy on here for a change. Hope things continue to go well :)

Boggler · 21/01/2013 22:25

Lovely to hear it went so well ThanksSmile

AViewfromtheFridge · 21/01/2013 22:27

Ah, lovely!

Chaoscarriesonagain · 21/01/2013 22:31

So happy for you!!!

Smudging · 21/01/2013 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FamiliesShareGerms · 21/01/2013 22:49

Aw, that's lovely!

Mumblepot26 · 21/01/2013 22:51

What happened?
My mum met up with ex after 40 yrs and they were married this year!

Hyperballad · 21/01/2013 22:53

Yey! Fab!

Hope to see more updates :)

Mumblepot26 · 21/01/2013 22:54

Oops sorry just seen your up date, thats lovely

forgetmenots · 21/01/2013 22:58

Just saw this, that's lovely! May you have many more nights of fantastic snogging to come! :)

magimedi88 · 21/01/2013 23:09

Yay! Don't dare say more!!!!!!!! Jealous!

june2013 · 22/01/2013 10:55

Sounds very exciting. I have a very similar experience, was with a great guy 18 to 21 but we were both too young, etc. Met again through mutual friends 7 years later (though there were no expectations at all, I didn't think I'd ever fancy him again). Anyway we immediately hit it off, 3,5 years later, we're married and pregnant with first baby. We're SO happy. Our relationship is nothing like it was 10 years ago, but we benefit from the familiarity of having known each other 15 years!

If it works, go for it!! And enjoy this bit, the beginning bit is sooo nice!

xx

myroomisatip · 22/01/2013 14:35

What great news! So very happy for you :)

(And isnt it great to read about something good for a change :))

Original poster
muffintop · 02/03/2013 23:44

Hi everyone need to update on this and also some advice. I met up with my first love and number of times and had a little fling which was all perfect - great chemistry, conversation and everything else. We chatted about things I had not told anyone else and vice versa and I think we both had strong feelings so anyway he's my dilemma he's in the middle of a very messy divorce with major mud slinging and trying to sort out financial issues. His wife does not want a divorce and wants him to stay but he had had enough and his children are growing and although he feels very guilty he wants a new life. So we have mutually stopped seeing each other as he says he cannot deal with all the shit in his life and me arriving when I did was not good timing and is messing with his head. He says that when he sees things a bit more clearly he will be in touch again - so do you think this is the case or is he just being letting me down lightly? Confused

OP posts:
kerstina · 03/03/2013 10:25

I thought you said he was divorced? That is why posters encouraged you to go for it. It is a different story otherwise he will certainly not be in the right place emotionally. Are you sure you were not a factor in the split?
I would give him the space he as asked for if it is meant to be it will.
To be honest I am surprised to read your update as most people who meet up with their first loves do stay together as it is a ver powerful emotion to be reunited with them. I think it will work out just be patient.

LadyLapsang · 03/03/2013 15:31

You didn't mention that he was still married in your earlier posts - did he tell you the truth from the beginning? I think it can be tricky to see your ex again - especially if they were your first love. It can be intoxicating to be back with someone your were very close to at a very formative stage of your life. If you want more than a fling I think you have to put your sensible head on and make sure you are both in a good place to make a go of things. I wouldn't be surprised if either he is using you as a stepping stone out of his marriage (to then get together with someone else) or is not going to split up with his wife at all. Be careful - you could get your heart broken again.

CressidaFitass · 03/03/2013 16:38

Well are you still bestest friends with your bestest friend from that time?

Do you still see your group of friends from that time or keep in touch bey fb or email?

So you've moved on/ matured and no longer see them? If you have dropped them it is not likely you will still feel the same for exBF as you will both have changed.

Original poster
muffintop · 03/03/2013 17:14

Thanks for you replies but just to clarify I am not and never have been the other women! Shock As for the divorce he is waiting on the final papers (not sure if its the nisi ?) but the finance side has not been sorted which is proving very messy and stressful.

Kerstina yes there was a very power emotion when we met and things moved very fast - I think I just arrived at the wrong time for him to deal with me and sorting a divorce - anyway thank you for your replied Smile

OP posts:
Sherine · 25/03/2016 04:43

Muffin..........I want to know what happened after you met him. this story is so interesting.

Jodannah · 14/02/2022 23:08

Hi, the love of contact me 5 weeks again saying he still loves me after 20 years it got complicated as we are related 2nd cousin.
He said he never got over me, and that he will always be mine.
I'll was blow away by his comments as I put him away in a box which I thought would never be reopen.
Never thought he felt the same.
This time it's even more complicated as he's married and I've been with my partner for 20 years.
What do I do?
Do I leave it alone or do we do something about it.
The problem is I don't want to think what if and will I regret it.

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