Why do I act so mental around men I like?? (possibly long)

[HeartShapedSaw]

Im pretty normal (I think!) and as soon as I am in a relationship with someone Im quite a relaxed girlfriend, dont expect constant contact, in fact I prefer a fair amount of space and have no problem with seeing someone two or three times a week etc.

However, I seem to have developed a very uncool attitude to new men. I dont know why I do it! Its possible I have trust issues etc from bad 3yr relationship with ex, but not that Im aware of..

Anyway, Ill give you an example. I met a guy, we went on a date, the date was lovely, we text for a few days, he was telling me he really liked me etc. Then he cancelled our second date on the morning of it, saying his mum was ill or something similarly vague. I text him saying ok thats fine. Then crazy me kicked in and I asked him if he was politely blowing me off. To which he said no, no he would see me soon.

Then, nothing for a week. So I text him today (crazy me again) and just asked him to thank his friend again for me (he had done me a favour the day after I met them). I was genuinely just being nice, I assumed he had decided to take it no further with me so I was just passing on my thanks. But then he asked me if I wanted to go out again soon. I said yes.

But Im confused a little now. I know everyone I know would have told me not to text him today, and I know I shouldnt have accused him of trying to blow me off coz he cancelled one date! So what the hell is up with me? Anyone else behave like a nutter??

No... never.... always perfectly together....

(....can I smell burning...???)

Look OP, you need to bitchslap the Crazy You and disengage.

Yes, step away from the man, there's nothing to see.

As my dear old Mum used to say, Que Sera Sera. (Yes I am Doris Day's secret love child...)

I have a terrible confession to make which is that I can be Super Batshit Crazy Head-fuck Woman. Learned it at my mother's knee and, like all super-powers, I've had to consciously resist using it for evil. An old boyfriend from my teen years (who is remarkably still talking to me) remembers a particularly scary example I messed him up with which I, like all good psychopaths, have completely forgotten! Trouble was that I married a lump of Kryptonite and my powers failed me when I really needed them...

Super powers, eh? They always let you down when you really need them. A bit like men....well my exh anyway.

So, OP, lots of us should admit to being a little Crazy Me, yup, me too

(...wanders off hoping a particular ex has forgotton about my existance..)

delete this man's number! if he wants to go out with you he'll be in touch! remember the men you don't want to go out with and they can't stay away? well he's got just as much of a memory as they have so if he wanted to be going out with you he would be. DELETE HIM
hth

I've never really done dating. Both of my relationships have developed from friendships into relationships.

I did go on one date once but binned him off after the first date, despite it going well he gave me bad vibes. He'd text, and then text 'hello?' half an hour later, and I got the impression there were issues with his ex.

The thought of 'dating' a completely new person scares me. I guess at that early stage there's no attachment so nothing to lose, I'd also have no problem asking a guy on a date wouldn't need to wait to be asked, but wouldn't keep asking iyswim?

Hearts, you're not mental :)

I am exactly the same. With one minor difference, I wouldn't have text. But it would have bloody killed me not to! :)

Haha glad to see Im not the only one!

I dont get it though. Surely I wasnt crazy to assume I had been ditched if he cancelled a date and then didnt contact me for a week!

Since he asked me for the second date he hasnt been in touch to arrange it.. I dont think Im wrong to doubt it..

I'm guilty of the crazy too.
The more I like someone, the more my brain seems determined to fuck it up.
My crazy super power is bizarre paranoia & jealousy.
I'm only just discovering this now though, with my new bloke. Never really been the jealous type before so I'm struggling with dealing with it in a same manner.

I find imposing strict rules for myself helps. So no texting if he hasn't responded to my last message

I never break these rules ahem

Its fricking gay.

I have given up on him anyway now. He asked if I wanted to meet up when I text him last, which was on monday, and he said he would text later to arrange, which he hasnt. I can only assume he is not interested!!

He may be interested, he may not be. Who knows? It's all a bit casual really isn't it? The only response to that kind of person is to go back to living like a carefree singleton. If they do get back in contact, see if you can find a window in your busy diary....oh... no you can't!

Blame it on your hormones. Research has shown that the hormonal effect on brain chemistry in the early stages of love/lust are not dissimilar to a lot of mental illness.

It's fine to think 'mental', it's how you allow it out that matters. So don't worry about obsessing about it, just make sure you're happy with what you do.

And FWIW, screw the 'rules' and 'don't ask if he's interested because he'll feel under pressure' and all that crap. Might be true if you're pursuing a male with the emotional intelligence of a slug, but a normal, decent guy won't be put off (and most actually love it). If you're asking what colour wedding invitations to go for however...

I agree he doesn't sound interested unfortunately. But I don't think you've behaved inappropriately - you've been nice and honest. You just sound confused because he said one thing (not dumping you, definitely wants to meet up) and doing another (blanket radio silence).

Don't bother with him.

Er, also - using 'gay' as a pejorative makes you sound like a dick.

Well, I wouldn't be offended by words such as nutter or crazy < and I am pretty sure I would feel the same if I was suffering mental health issues > but 'gay' makes you sound a bit daft.

Anyway, I don't think you're crazy. I think this man is not interested. Concentrate on his actions and not his words. If he is not calling or texting you on a daily/frequent basis - he's not interested.

Too deep, too fast! He's got a life that doesn't revolve around you yet. Maybe he's in a relationship with someone else and needs to "disengage" first? Not always easy if the girl is needy.... Could be any one of a number of things going on in his life. You only had a date so you don't own him - maybe he likes you.... and ten other girls he happened to take out to dinner? Too deep, too fast scares guys off like no other...

So ok, if he comes back and shows some genuine interest then great but meanwhile you're back on the market right? His loss if he doesn't follow up.

Well yes. And it's not nice that you do find them offensive. A word like ' nutter ' though is generally not regarded as offensive. Unless you're easily offended

Where do we stand on bonkers and batshit?

Batshit isn't offensive. Or is it ? Eek. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be offended by that.

Yes of bloody course retard etc is offensive. But Christ - if we all got our knickers in a twist over loon or nutter then we'd never get a thing done

Loop the loop? Should we boycott Patsy Cline?

I think you are going to have to accept that words and phrases are just part of the vernacular of our speech. Which is obviously different from disablist language screeched at children with special needs to abuse and intimidate them.