I was a very heavy drinker then I was teetotal, now I'm a once in while drinker.

[agadoo]

I just want to know if some people can relate to me.. More than a year ago I completely stopped drinking because it was way to much. I have used alcohol to compensate, as medicine etc...I have stopped completely and I have replaced my drinking with sport and I'm happier. Over the last couple of weeks, I had a couple of drinks with really low volume percentage and I enjoyed it and it was not a case of me wanting to get hammered as I would have done in the past.

My question is can you really change your attitude towards alcohol ? Can you be able to manage it or am I heading towards a disaster ?

Yes of course you can change your attitude. You sound as though you weren't dependent on alcohol in the true alcoholic sense but that you simply had a very bad and unhealthy habit.... different thing. A year break means you've got out of the habit, found other ways to make yourself happy, and all you have to be conscious of is that a couple of drinks in a few weeks doesn't turn back into a bad habit. That would mean you'd learned nothing...

thank you Cogito...it was very bad and unhealthy indeed...now I have a different thinking, I do not want to go back every days not even week end as I can't bear the though of an hungover, I also can't bear the though of losing control because I'm drank..I don't want to talk crap because I'm drunk...I want to enjoy a glass of fizz sometimes for celebration or at the end of a nice saturday when the dcs are in bed..

I know a very nice man who realised his heavy drinking turned him into the biggest arse on the plant. Family tree was peppered with nasty alcoholics and, like you, he had a wife and kids and he didn't want to be that person any more. He quit for something like 15 years and now he can enjoy a glass of wine occasionally without turning into Mr Hyde. He grew up... so many don't.

that's a positive story, thank you Cogito for taking the time to share with me !

I think the answer is some can and some can't and that it's a lot more complex than just willpower. If you are able to drink socially without falling into the over-drinking trap again then you're not just "grown up", you're lucky too. Like some people can just give up smoking at the drop of a hat by, spookily enough, not smoking. For others it's a real struggle. I do not for one minute believe those annoying people on a smoking thread a couple of years ago who who were insisting people only found it hard to give up because they expected it to be hard (or the even more annoying former friend who swore that dental pain was imaginary). People are different.

I changed this - was a huge drinker, alcoholic levels without the compulsion. Just loved being drunk, nights out,in etc. Am a happy agreeable dancing drunk, never really got awful hangovers and had the time to spend like this. Realised I would literally kill myself or become an addict and stopped totally. Now I drink over Christmas but only have the odd glass here and there. Now and then me and dh will split a bottle of whisky in a night but it's rare.

Heavy drinkers can be on a path to alcoholism without having got there I drank for about a decade and have had more time as a meagre dry ker and the default driver. Dh drinks little too, maybe that helps? It isn't part of my lifestyle any more.

Yes, I think you can. My dad used to show signs of being alcoholic. He never 'addressed' it but his life changed and when he became happier and calmer he stopped drinking as much/as badly. I used to have a daily drink, i was not alcoholic but I relied on it, then I stopped for a while and can now take it or leave it. In fact my XH has too. I think his problem drinking was about immaturity as much as dependence.

Thank you so much for your posts, it really helps... what I want is not being rigid anymore but I will never be that person I used to be...I was a massive addict, my week end were awful because i was hangover but I had nothing to do..now I love my running and my exercises and the positives feeling which go with it...

"you're not just "grown up", you're lucky too."

There is an alarmingly big section of society that tries hard not to grow up. Carries on acting like teenagers well into adulthood, not taking responsibility for anything including alcohol. You see it very often on these boards that marriage/cohabiting, a job, financial commitments and a few kids means the woman grows up fast, takes responsibility and adjusts behaviour ..... only to find she's partnered by an overgrown kid acting like nothing's changed. Those people aren't 'unlucky' by and large. Just irresponsible.

In my case, I had children very fast into my relationship, I had pnd, england is not my home country so no family support, a new very stressfull job. I'm not any excuses for my heavy drinking (I can't forgive myself) but it was a very hard period...now I'm a different person, I know how to manage depression and stress without having to drink a bottle or 2 so I don't have to face my problems "without help"...I had therapy, I'm trying to exercise everyday, I'm on ad's so I have support now.

Absolutely you can, and it sounds like you have.

Well done.

DH and I have cut down massively, DH completely for now (he's been ill and is trying to get better and also needs to get fit for a challenge so it suits him anyway to give his body a chance to recover) and I have the odd glass at the weekend. But that is it. Wine and beer we overbought for Christmas is firmly in the garage, and there it will stay!

Hi agadoo, Well done. It sounds like you are doing brilliantly without help.

I read two books in conjunction recently, this one:

www.amazon.co.uk/Weeks-Safe-Social-Drinking-Effectively/dp/0976372002/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1357554272&sr=1-2

and this one:

www.amazon.co.uk/Beat-Booze-Comprehensive-Combating-Problems/dp/1905641427/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1357554338&sr=1-6

What I took from the first are the techniques you can use to drink moderately if you have a history of drinking immoderately. (techniques that are probably used unconscously by natural moderate drinkers, but that people like me would have to learn)

What I took from the second is the suggestion that anyone who drinks too much and wants to drink moderately should begin with a period of complete abstinence.

you have done the abstinence already; maybe you could "formalise" the habits of moderate drinking in the first book and use that to stay safe?

(Disclaimer: I don't know if it works or will work for me or not. I am still in the period of abstinence before attempting moderate drinking and I am trying to come to terms with the fact that if I attempt moderate drinking, seriously, with strategies, and fail, I will have to give up for ever)

Thank you so much Curry, I'm really interested into the books you have suggested....I haven't been in a social situation yet, I don't know what I will drink...I see myself drinking slowly and stop at 1/ 2 drinks max...I used to drink white wine but now I can't bear it...so I think maybe beer or cider

Agadoo, not sure if you need the books. Sounds like you already know what is in them!

Proper links:

www.amazon.co.uk/Weeks-Safe-Social-Drinking-Effectively/dp/0976372002/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1357554272&sr=1-2

and this one:

www.amazon.co.uk/Beat-Booze-Comprehensive-Combating-Problems/dp/1905641427/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1357554338&sr=1-6

The "7 weeks to social drinking" one advises:

Snack before going out - don't arrive hungry
Have one drink every hour (of around a unit - watching your measures)
Only have 3 drinking hours on drinking days (so 3 drinks max, then go to soft drinks)
Have non-drinking days every week
Prgramme yourself by thinking ahead and thinking what you will gain and how you will manage stresses etc

There is a lot of stuff in it about working out what triggers drinking, and dealing with it in advance.
There was a list of drinking types and I'm afraid I seemed to be them all!

A purely personal view from someone who had their last drink in 2005 - a year is brilliant, but it is not that long a time - I have heard and agree with the rule of thumb that it takes five years to be confident you have cracked it. Given the rather meagre pleasure to be gained from drinking "responsible" amounts I would think very, very carefully whether the risk/reward ratio is in favour of going back to occasional drinking at this stage.

To be honest I'm not even sure I'll have a drink when I go out...I know I have enjoyed a glass of mulled wine over xmas, I have enjoyed the fizzy on saturday but it was only 7.5 % volume...I don't think I can ever go back to hard core (for me) stuff like wine...I don't see myself taking the risk of getting pissed when I go out knowing I'm working the day after...I dont want to drink for drinking