So he really is having an "affair" ...

[welltheresathing]

So, I have had my suspicions for a while and I'm not that surprised because, God knows, we haven't been on the same page or having sex or communicating properly for the longest time.

I don't know what to do now.

It's not absolutely conclusive, but it seems more likely than not.

Seeing a text message before deletion.

I don't even know what I want. Our children are so little - the youngest is 17 months.

We're not actually a good match, in reality. It worked well enough pre-children but having kids has highlighted and exacerbated our differences.

I feel as though it would be better to cut my losses and just get out.

I feel numb yet oddly emotional about it. He is not the love of my life - but he is the father of my children.

He loves me more than I love him, I think.

And, yet.

I don't know what I would be fighting for ...

It would be so easy to ignore.

He would love me to care; but I don't think I do.

I just don't know.

Oh dear....didn't want to read and run, but the only advice I can give is to sit down and tackle him about this. Don't ignore it, it will fester away. Challenge him about the text you saw and ask for his explanation.

As the cartoon says 'Love is....' letting someone go. If it's all gone wrong and there isn't enough holding you together or one of you doesn't want to try any more then the kindest thing to do is make the very best job you can of separating amicably, doing the right thing for the children and setting things up so that you can remain a family, even if you're in different locations.

I'm hurting but I don't know why. I don't love him in that way any more. At least I don't think I do. I feel as though as I am mourning for something that has gone away. My dreams of a happy, united family? My baby boys deserve that.

Your baby boys deserve happy parents. If you'll both be happier apart...

I know it's not as simple as that, though.

You're probably a bit frightened of the big upheaval and changes it will being, as well as being sorry it has come to this.

I do think sometimes in relationships that have run out of steam it's sometimes a question of who will flinch first and an affair is only one way of sabotaging a relationship. It's a shame he didn't have the courage to end it with you first.

Better to face up to it though. If you ignore it and put your head in the sand, he might up and leave suddenly and you won't have planned for it. Or if you stay, it will be the first of many. In the right circumstances and if the opportunity arose, you'd be just as much at risk of a dalliance with someone else.

If you don't love him 'like that' it's only fair to give both of you the chance to find someone who will return and induce those strong feelings in both of you - and you can still be good co-parents.