Why are some 'friends' so odd?

[perceptionreality]

Not sure if this sort of thing is common. But I have a friend who I've known since childhood. She regularly contacts me to ask if we can meet up and then always cancels at the last minute.

Also, if she asks to meet up and I say 'yes of course I can do any day except Tuesday' she comes back with 'ok how about Tuesday'

I've started to feel annoyed when she contacts me!

I have a friend like this, last time she called me up and arranged to meet, I didn't even bother getting ready, and lo, she cancelled, breathlessly and with high drama, and was most peeved when I said "darling, it's fine, I'm still in my pyjamas"

I don't even get an explanation! Usually I get a text saying she'll be 'late', then she doesn't turn up and I get a text to say sorry about 2 weeks later. Glad it's not just me...........

You might not be her prority. Probably sees you when nothing better to do iyseim. That was my experience.

Just don't go. Be blunt. If she asks to meet, tell her "No, be ause you don't turn up. You may visit me at home."

Getting cancelled on is one thing but being stood up is soooo rude. Who would do that?!

Isn't there that saying 'Don't make someone your priority when they only ever make you an option'? or something along those lines.

The next time she suggests meeting up, just tell her you're busy on the day she suggests, and then gradually phase her out. I've had a couple of friends that did a similar thing to me regularly, and in the end I just stopped replying to their texts and if they phoned I just said I was really busy for the next few weeks and I'd call them when I had a slot in my diary for them.

What I found with the people that kept letting me down, is that they seemed to have plenty of time for coffee with other friends, shopping trips, girls' nights out and weekends away, yet were happy to cancel meeting up with me.

Ditch 'em is what I say!

I think people who do this are attention seekers. I think they like to perceive themselves as in demand social butterflies. setting up meets and then cancelling them gives them a feeling of being popular and sought after. Cancelling suits their fantasy that they haven't enough time to 'juggle' all the people that are simply desperate to see them. I think it stems from insecurity basically.

I think you've raised a very good point, scarletforya!

Certainly both the 'let downs' that I've known have always talked about how busy they are, how they are seeing this friend, and that friend, and going here and there.

I have a friend like this. I used to get offended until I got to know her better and realised she wasn't doing it to be difficult, or be attention seeking. She's great, but has a few 'issues'. Sometimes she doesn't sleep for days on end, and is so tired she just can't face the world. Other times she's having a bad day, feeling low, and needs to stay in and get herself together. Be careful about judging as there might be stuff you don't know about.

If I'm not a priority of hers then fine but why then does she keep asking to meet up then?

I'm not really judging - just puzzled about her behaviour really

One of my friends kept doing this - i took it personally & felt upset but i now understand that she really does have a difficult family life plus she is very flaky generally... so i accept her for how she is but don't stop my life to make plans for her.

It's a shame because i like her but rarely see her, yet she still calls me her 'friend' & acts like it's my fault we don't often meet up - when she's the 'late' one & the one who cancels.

I think people like this have good intentions, OP, but it all goes awry.

I expect you're right - I do take it personally and imagine this person is laughing at me tbh but I suspect it's way off the mark.

I think Scarlet has hit the nail on the head. Knew someone like this and myself and her SIL (also friend of mine) would get peeved off with things constantly being changed at the last minute such as venue / time / cancelled altogether.

One of my friends does this. She's quite high maintenance so she'll write people off quite easily if they can't go to something (eg one of her friends who was set to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, but taken off the list after she couldn't make one hen do thing due to a bunch of issues).

When I was on maternity leave, she kept saying she'd come to visit and I'd buy in a load of food and then she'd be previously booked to see someone else, or ill, or there'd be a drama. I think when she eventually came to see me (I couldn't drive at the time and there's no public transport to hers), I was on the eighth month of nine of being off.

I have come to realise she loves the idea of doing loads of stuff, and also isn't a big fan of being on her own, but then realises she's set too many dates up closer to the time.

It happens with work lunches a lot (colleague as well as friend). She has to go out with someone every day whereas I like pottering on my own. If I'm not sure about going out because of a meeting or deadline, but tell her FIVE minutes later that it's all fine, it's too late because she's going out with someone else.

It's a good thing she's generally lovely or I just wouldn't have the energy to keep up with it all.

scarlet - I missed your post the first time. I think that might be correct also because as I said - she will try to arrange something for the one day I specifically said I couldn't do. Or I will say I can do any day except Tuesday, I get no reply and then at 9am on Tuesday I get a text to say she's coming in 15 minutes and I then have to say well I'm out!

I also do remember that when she invited me to her 18th years ago, I said I was sorry but I couldn't come because I was going away that weekend and she flounced off without a word. So you could be right.