two questions for you about housework...

[arequipa]

How many of us can say our DH/DP does

a) their fair share of housework taking into account longer hours they may work outside the home

b) half the housework (I mean really half, like tidying up after other people, noticing and dealing with dusty corners and dirty fridges, planning and shopping for meals not just cooking them....)

And how does being in this domestic role affect our confidence and self-esteem in the big world out there?

....Am so fedup with it......

Husband does half the housework, definitely. He works longer hours and I do more of the childcare, but housework is pretty evenly split.

I'm not sure it has any effect on my outer confidence, rather the reverse: because, I'm confident in myself, I expect him to pull his weight, and wouldn't have married him if he didn't. He's the same - expects equality.

Sorry, shouldn't be a comma after 'because'.

He certainly does his fair share, although I tend to do most of the "noticing" and housework stuff, but he does all the food shopping and 95% of the cooking.
The measure has to be, do you have equal leisure time? We do I possibly have more.

Oh, and I should add that we are able to rope in the DCs now, as they are teens and perfectly able to load/unload the dishwasher, lay and clear the table, remove their junk from main areas, put the hoover round, walk the dog etc..

I'd say it was definitely a even split on housework.

Definitely not an even split when it comes to buying cards, writing cards, buying presents, wrapping presents, etc.

DH definitely does his fair share. The last few weeks I have been in bed poorly and I have done nothing.
Normally some weeks I will do more some weeks DH will do more, tbh DH is best at spending a day or two doing a major clean where as I prefer to keep the house tidy never happens DH doesn't notice things like I do such as wiping the kitchen work tops down daily etc but I really can't complain.
I think things like this are difficult to change, DH and I have always been like this. If your DH doesn't do fair share I'm not sure how you could change it

My husband does more than his fair share. He works 5.30-7.30 during the week but still manages to come home and do everything I've failed to do during the day. I'm at home all day alone so feel like I should do a lot more, but I'm disabled and husband is happy as he knows I do what I can.

DH and I work fulltime, and he has a longer commute. And he does more of the housework. I'm a terrible wife! I mainly do the cooking and the "organising" around our DS but it's definitely not an even split, truth told.

I am an (unwilling and hopefully not permanent ) housewife. DP works horrible long hours. So, I do nearly everything at the moment. DP mucks in with what needs to be done when he is here, which is never. He has just come home from work (started at 8.30am
this morning) & is now working from home. He is due in at 8am tomorrow.... Hence me doing nearly everything .

When I get a job, he will do his share as hopefully he won't have to work quite as much when I am earning. If he is still working 6 days a week, we will try and afford a cleaner for a couple of hours a week.

Definitely fair in this house, dp works full time and i am a sahm. Ds is in nursery 9-3 twice a week so I do the majority of the housework. If the bathroom needs a clean or the hovering needs doing when dp is home he does it his standards are somewhat lower than mine though!. Dp does all the outdoors /gardening stuff because he likes it. I do most of the cooking and things like organising birthday presents/ cards family visits etc. because i enjoy that. I also deal with the monthly budget and food shopping because Im better at it. Childcare is always 50/50 when we are both here.

Mine has been off from the 24th and went back to work on Friday - other than Christmas dinner, I don't think I've cooked a thing.

Neither have I waved the hoover round.

I might have stacked the dishwasher once or twice

I love it when he's home!

I wish he'd work from home all the time, the house runs so much better when he's in charge!

DH works long hours and I work school hours. Am out of house at 8am and home at 4pm.

DS's are 10 and 8 and they pitch in more (in exchange for TV!) like setting and clearing the table, emptying dw and stripping beds.

I do the majority and I do ALL the tidying but DH cooks a lot and will hoover. He always washes the kitchen floor! I do all the washing and ironing and general day to day stuff.

Works for us and there is no resentment.

Confidence wise I'm with freudianlisp I'm not afraid to administer kick up the arse if needs be and nor is he! well maybe he's a little reluctant

I definitely do the 'noticing' but OH does his half of the actual work when I point it out to him.

I have had a fucked up back for the past week and a half and I have to admit the state of the place when I hobbled downstairs was enough to make me weep but he did sort it out when I screeched about it looking like a skip told him what needed done.

And he has been brilliant at looking after me as I got stuck on the toilet/in the bath/in a chair/screamed in pain and woke DS as well as the late night visits to doctors and getting me the lovely lovely drugs

Oh, and he's been sleeping on the sofa bed for a week as well so I will let him off with the mess

Dh works 50+ hours
I work 34

I do shopping, cooking, washing, chauffeuring of children to activities.
He does ironing, clearing up after food, bins, garden.

We share cleaning, though he has to be 'directed'.

It's probably slightly unequal (I think I do more), but not enough for it to be an issue.
I sometimes get exasperated when stressed, but not on a daily basis.

I am out of the house 9 hours a day DH is out of the house 10 hours. I do all the cooking during the week, he does it all weekend. He washes up after all meals including cleaning the kitchen. He does the bed time routines and all the shopping, bins and garden. I do all the cleaning. We split the washing equally ish. I do all the collecting and dropping off to child care. We are split evenly i would say.

Sorry about unclear third question. I was being ironic.

My stand is fantastic and although he works slightly more hours than me he does the lions share of cooking, washing, ironing etc. I do long shifts so have more days off but sometimes I do nowt on those days off and he never complains.

DH does far more than half the housework - would say he does 90%. I cook because I enjoy it, but he will clear up after (starting part way through which really annoys me when he tidies away something I'm still using!)

He gets up at night to the children and first thing in the morning to take the puppy outside & make my coffee (which is mostly brought to me in bed).

I work 50h / week, he works school hours from home.

I don't think his domesticity has affected his confidence or self esteem in the outside world at all :)

We both work full time and yes, I would say housework is pretty evenly split, as are childcare drop offs and pick ups.
When I was home on maternity leaves and when I only worked 3 days a week, I did a lot more of the housework and child related stuff because that made sense. As soon as I stepped up to FT again, we split equally

I work 50+ hours, he's a teacher and so has school hours. It drove me insane for a long time that he would get in at 4 and do fuck all, then I'd come home at 8 and cook dinner and tidy up.

Now I cook, which I enjoy, and we have a cleaner. Domestic bliss.

We aim for an even split but aren't there yet as DP struggles to notice stuff that needs doing and I hate having to ask / remind / nag and keep a mental list of 'he said he would...' 'I said I would...' 'we should...' So we do the minimum I can stand and row about it as needed.

The split doesn't change much when our workloads change (although who does what varies regularly) unless I suggest an alteration -- we've both been working long hours and out of work at various points in the last couple years so had a chance to try various combos.

Domestic stuff is split about 40% DH, 30% me and 30% cleaner/ironing lady (I include cleaning, childcare, admin and DIY in all that). DH is quite anal about things and wants things to a higher standard than is really necessary. Fine if he is happy to do it (which he is) but I stick to the levels I was used to before we lived together - a bit of dust/domestic chaos never hurt anyone.

I think I've had to be confident to insist on that, I think in a lot of relationships the more relaxed partner feels nagged to do more than they think is needed, while the one who insists on higher standards feels like a martyr for doing lots of extra work.