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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

help!!

10 replies

oliversmarmy · 06/01/2013 14:24

was with b.f/partner for 11yrs til oct just gone, have 4yr old son together.
were not really gettig on to point if dound out he was drinking more than i thought n cause him hiding it, rang mil at 1.20 in morning to ask for help with him. she said kick him out, before this he went out with mate 1 night didnt have a key cause lost it, i said go have nice eve and i wait up, he never came home til i contacted his sister at 1am saying he not home and worried cause he knew i was waiting up, asked for his mates number but when i called it his mate was talking to him saying just tell her to came to mine so f ing what, he finally came home @230am, i ended up telling him to sleep in the front room cause he was drunk i later found out his mates ex was there after he said there was no girls there, although i know she aint intrested in him i was still angry. to pay him back for the treatment i said ds is not going to his gd birthdayparty that was a joint neices party to, he begged for ages saying dont do this, but i did i stood my ground.. he said that day something switched in him and he no longer loves me or want to be with me because of all the stress we have had together over the last 10yrs he has had enough and it was last straw.
however i been begging him to come home calling texting emailing, and not at the point where i blocked him n his family n friends on facebook. i dnt want to meet face to face anymore cause it is to painful but we have a son together, so i drop him at sil and pick him up or he is dropped off to me so me n ex never meet.. ex finally sent text last night saying not going through sis to talk about my son, i got drunk last night whilst son was with him for the night sat crying n kinda begging him back.. he said he still wants to b friends but i said u have your mates that dont hurt you or ur family or friends, y b mates with me, he is adamanat he wants friendship n nothing else... i asked y n he said cause we have history and a son together, but he also sent me text this morning asking if im ok after the drinking session. i said well you r thinking of me enough to worry if im ok and want to be mates and see me y, if u dont want to b partners with m would u want this.. people split n do the dropping off thingy im doing so they dnt see eachother, but y does he still want me in this way ???????

im spending my time looking online on how to get him back or how to get over him

im confused

OP posts:
Doha · 06/01/2013 14:31

How old are you both 10?????

The relationship is over--move on.

Next

Numberlock · 06/01/2013 14:31

Just cut all contact with him other than child related. You don't sound suited at all and it sounds like a very unhealthy 'relationship'.

What else do you have going on in your life to keep yourself busy eg work, friends, interests?

oliversmarmy · 06/01/2013 14:36

i want him back though, i miss my family life we had, because before the arguing started we had normal arguements but we were happy.. sex was great too.

OP posts:
Numberlock · 06/01/2013 14:38

So you've always argued. Keep him dumped and concentrate on yourself and your son.

Have you ever been single before?

qazxc · 06/01/2013 14:38

sorry op your opening thread is very hard to understand.
But as far as i can see he doesn't want a relationship with you but wants to maintain a civil and friendly relationship with you as you have a son together. You need to move on. I know that it is painful but as suggested above maybe busying yourself with friends, job or hobbies (not drinking, it will only make you feel worse) might take your mind off it and move on with your life.

oliversmarmy · 06/01/2013 14:44

he was my first long term relationship, because before that i was not intrested in relationships, i liked going out having fun with my mates but over the yearas they have all left me because im difficult to get along with, no one understands me, ive a long history of bad family life and sexual abuse as a kid by two different people, he was only person who put up with my daily sh.t, he was my best friend, even now when i mention him to strangers i call him my partner it wont sink in he dont want me

OP posts:
oliversmarmy · 06/01/2013 14:46

i know we have a son together by y not do what im doing n not conact him n see him n e more cause it makes sense, y does he think we should stay in contact n be mates.. he hated me that much he had to leve . how is that a mate,

OP posts:
Xales · 06/01/2013 14:49

He doesn't want to be with you. You need to accept that and stop begging him. People don't want to be with someone who does this.

He is right that it is best if you can be amicable for your son.

Get yourself some support. Unfortunately this is something that only time can help with.

I think it was incredibly wrong of you to use your son as a weapon. You punished your son for something your ex had done.

Numberlock · 06/01/2013 14:50

Sorry that you had such a bad start in life. How about making 2013 the year you tackle those issues, get some help to deal with them and build a nice life for you or your son? Forget any relationship for the moment.

I would start with a trip to the GP. Do you have at least one good friend or family member who could support you?

oliversmarmy · 06/01/2013 14:55

im on strong anti depressants, i have numerous aounts of councelling, but nothing help me get over the trust issues, my dad stole from mum beat her to point as kids we had to pysically seperate them, and whilst they argued they were unawear my brother and friend of faily abused me sexually..

OP posts:
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