No Friends, family or job and a young baby. OH leaving, what can I do?

[suspicion]

Just that really. I started a thread on here this week about being suspicious about a red head my OH works with, its all gone down hill from there.

I've got nowhere to go and I have a 5 month old daughter, it looks like my OH doesn't want us to be together anymore. We rent our flat so don't have to worry about selling. Has anyone been through this?

I'm 23, I know that makes a difference to certain benefits.

I don't know how to deal with this emotionally or technically

Has your partner left yet?

You will get put in a homeless mother and baby unit if you go through the council which by the sounds of it is your only option? Feel free to pm me. X

Oh no suspicion, that's awful. I'm so sorry your worries have come true.

It will seem hideous now, but you will get through this. Do you have anybody at all in RL you can turn to? Even a colleague or an associate, you'd be surprised how supportive some peopl can be in a crisis, even if you're not close?

Sending you hugs and

No he's not left, I don't think he's planning on moving out. He's not telling me anything.

So why do you say he doesn't want you to be together any more? Has he said that specifically?

What a weasel. Maybe you need to confront him and ask him what his plans are so you can make your own. He has no right to keep you hanging like this.
I'm so v sorry it turned out this way I remember your previous thread

I don't think he was having a full blown affair, but by telling him my worries he's seemed to use them as a weapon. He told people at work, so now I'm a joke and he went out drinking with her and didn't tell me where he was, just to annoy me. He said he wont come near me because he 'cant be bothered' and he wouldn't 'be bothered' if I wasn't about.

I have tried so so hard to keep us together and he refuses to do anything. He said he will make a decision about us soon.

I don't have anyone, I had a breakdown a few years ago and had to leave my job which I had moved to the city for. I wasn't working there long so I didn't get to know anyone very well. I then started working from home since so didn't get to meet anyone.

'He said he will make a decision about us soon.'

Never mind that, what do you want to do?

Ring citizens advice on Monday morning. Also look on entitled to.com for details of benefits you will be entitled to and how to claim.

Do you have any access to money now - a joint account ? Take some of the money and hide it and then on Monday open your own account and put it in it if you don't have an account already. Use this towards a deposit towards a new flat while waiting for housing benefit etc if you want to remain private rental.

Ask your ex to give you regular maintenance towards your dc and ask what this amount is. It is not included towards calculations for benefits anymore so that's good.. at lest it wasn't when I went through it. If you cannot agree go to csa. Use the csa calculator online to check he will be paying a fair amount.

Sorry all boring and practical but may help... been there have the t shirt. It's shit but you will get through it

I don't know what I want anymore. I don't want to be totally alone but I feel like he's making me lose my mind. I've lost all confidence, I barely leave the house anymore.

We don't have a joint account but thanks I will ring citizens advice. He's only on minimum wage so it would be a huge stretch between 2 peoples rent, bills and food.

He'll make a decision? Who made him king then? I think you have to take the initiative here, put the upset and hurt to one side for a second, work yourself up to a fury and then throw him out rather than waiting for him to 'decide'. You've probably got visions of yourself trudging the streets with a baby like some Victorian melodrama. Forget that... Get really angry, put him on the back foot and make him leave.

I'm assuming you have no reason to believe he would be violent?

No not married, just engaged.

I read your other thread yesterday and i think that, although it will be hard, you are best shot of him.

Just imagine a life where you dont spend every day having to worry about facebook posts, where he is or who he's with, not have to spend your day worrying if your being lied to, laughed at, cheated on.

You are only 23, you have your whole life ahead of you, please dont spend it being unhappy.

No he's got no violent tendencies. I got angry the other night but realised I cant pay for this place on my own and I don't think housing benefit will cover me on my own.

First thing to do is separate your finances. Call income support and tax credits and apply for benefits as a single parent. Tell them you are staying in the family home at the moment but not as a couple.
Research how much local housing allowance you will be entitled to. See if you can afford to keep the flat on by yourself or if you need to downsize.
If you can afford to keep current flat, give P notice to move out and give notice to agency that you will keep the tenancy on your own from X date.
If you want/need to move out, but don't have any money, then pack up your belongings and turn up at your local housing office at 9am. They won't place you in a mother and baby unit, don't worry. It will be a temporary flat, or at worst, a b&b.
good luck x

Use this to work out how much and which benefits you will be entitled to.

You can find out how much housing benefit you would be entitled to and work out if you can afford to carry on paying your current rent alone.

Could you move back to where you are from? Do you have friends or family anywhere else?
Since you have nobody where you are you don?t really have any ties to there, and no real reason to stay.
IIWM I would seriously consider moving away from where you are.

But whatever you decide you need to know that you are not alone, you have a lot of support on here and MNers are an amazing bunch.

I was 23 when I left ex, we were also renting a flat. I wish I could offer practical advice but I'm not sure how things have change since then.

You can speak to citizens advice, go on entitledto.com regarding benefits, speak to a lone parent adviser at job centre plus, visit your local neighbouhood office to see what your housing options are. Sounds sneaky but make sure you have his national insurance number and employment details as this will help speed up any maintenance claims if you end up going through the CSA. Find out from your landlord and about housing benefit for your current flat.

While it might feel like the end of the world now, the good things are you are only 23 and your baby is so young so won't know what's going on.

I read your original thread OP. What area are you in? If you are in London I could offer practical help and maybe a shoulder to lean on love?

Oh of course I forgot contact your hv for support. And gather any money you have access to incase you need it.

Hi there. I was on your other thread. If I were you, I would stick to one thread from now on, people will follow and give advice and will get the full picture.

Anyway, realities, as above mainly- contact tax credits, housing benefit. Council tax.

The main thing I would recommend is to find you local Sure Start Children's Centre. They will be able to help you with all sorts of benefit advice and practical help. They will have courses and groups that you can join to meet new people and make friends.

You know it's not going to be easy but you know it has to be done. This man has no respect for you at all and you will be happier without him.