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Original poster

*Sex* - Now Ive got your attention, anyone else had this problem?

32 replies

Bertsmum · 18/04/2006 14:21

I've never started or taken part in a discussion on mumsnet so bear with me but something just came up recently and I'm not sure where to start really... Our daughter is 2 and a bit and I'm 20wks preg and my DH has confessed to me that the reason he hasnt initiated sex since DD's birth is because he has a problem with - lets be blunt here - my vagina, since the birth.

This came out during a row about something completely different, when I was on a ...'and another thing'... tac - he feels terrible and inadequate that the birth of our DD has affected him in this way and has reassured me that he still loves and fancies me but cant get over the sound of the consultant doing the episiotomy (hope I spelt that right!). I feel bad for him and having been initially terribly upset now want to find a way over this hurdle. Any ideas????

OP posts:
JVickers · 19/04/2006 14:19

My DH is very squeamish and so during the labour I instructed him to keep away from the business end. True I was the one in pain and pushing and I also tore but I didn't see what was going on down there and didn't see what it looked like so can't comment on any post associations that could be made.

Hope you work it out!
Jo x

JVickers · 19/04/2006 14:19

My DH is very squeamish and so during the labour I instructed him to keep away from the business end. True I was the one in pain and pushing and I also tore but I didn't see what was going on down there and didn't see what it looked like so can't comment on any post associations that could be made.

Hope you work it out!
Jo x

whatsthestoryinbalamorytoday · 19/04/2006 16:20

Bertsmum have you tried music. If he's getting this noise in his head then the music and being a bit more relaxed may help.

Either that, or try some whipped cream and melted chocolate-put a new noise in his head to remember!!! Wink

HappyDaddy · 21/04/2006 14:59

What a wuss, I watched the lot during our dd's birth. Blood, gunge, nasty sounds the lot. As soon as DW was upfor it I was in there like a rat up a drainpipe.

Tell him to be a man!

happybebe · 24/04/2006 18:48

god you are all a bit harsh arent you lol! its not about being a man, labour can be a very horrific experience for both sexes and it is actually really really commen for men to be put off sex after being present at labour. we as women feel funny about our privates after child birth, isnt it understandable that men do to?! i think the fact that you both now have it out in the open gives you both the perfect opportunity to go see your doc together and get referred for a bt of councelling. its neither of your fault that this has happened and you should be able to work through it with the right help. keep talking and try to have lots of affection if not actual sex xx

BelleFleur · 25/04/2006 01:03

Hi, DH hasn't been near me for almost a year; says it is because of his health; he was checked out and is fine. I feel it's an excuse. maybe underlying issues affect men's desire for their partner? Maybe your DH has other issues but is hiding behind this episiotomy sound?

alexsmum · 25/04/2006 01:08

can i ask why you were having an episiotomy AFTER the birth? you said you don't remember because you were too busy with baby b/fing?

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