I'm not sure whether this should be in relationships, mental health or AIBU so I thought I'd try here first as I know there are some very wise posters around!
We have recently had a friend to stay for a couple of days with his two DCs who are similar ages to our own. He used to be our neighbour and we were very close to him and his (now Ex) wife for a while. DH is godfather to their youngest DC.
18 months ago they moved overseas - back to the city she was originally from - where there was more work available and so they might find greater financial security. Their relationship was always volatile, he was emotionally abusive and six months ago they separated. He has stayed overseas so that they can share custody of the children. She says hs is 'a good father'.
Last week he brought the DCs to the UK for new year so they could visit his parents and friends and asked if he could stay with us for a couple of days. It didn't seem an unreasonable request...
From the minute they arrived - he was four hours later than expected and had clearly been drinking - his behaviour was odd, very rude, bordering on frightening. He is clearly bitter and angry about the separation but doesn't seem to see it as his responsibility in any way - this doesn't surprise me but it does seem to enable him behave in any way he pleases.
He declined the meal I had cooked and said he wanted a curry - which we ordered and he then proceeded to get hammered. When we called it a night he said would follow us up in a few minutes. In fact he stayed up until 5am, helped himself to most of DH's whisky and ginger wine, decided to reheat some curry, which he spilled all over the kitchen. He also drew some very odd pictures which he left all over the kitchen for DH to find in the morning - but I don't know about these until after they had left...
The following morning he, of course, didn't get up until noon while we looked after his DCs. DH had taken a day off work so we could do something nice with the children but our guest was insistent that he needed a steak and chips for lunch to cure his hangover. We naively failed to realise this was in fact a ruse to get to a pub where he drank several pints and used all sorts of tricks to prolong the visit (such as 'forgetting' to order the DCs desserts so waited 45 minutes during which time he was able to sneak in a couple of extra drinks).
He was rude and obnoxious, giving advice on our parenting methods, telling us to 'chill out' etc. DH eventually had enough and told him to zip it and he was surprisingly apologetic and contrite. There is so much more horrid and wierd behaviour that I won't bother writing it all down. I'm sure you get the picture.
I had concluded that he was a sad and bitter alcoholic and that next time he asked us to put him up we would simply make excuses but what I have since discovered has left me feeling chilled.
The night he stayed up all night drinking our booze he did a series of sketches. They said things like 'I want to kill you all', 'Kill X' (X being DH's initial), and included a picture of someone sleeping in their bed, with 'Perfect Death' written underneath. He has always made me feel uneasy but this has freaked me out.
Aside from never allowing him any where near my family again, I feel like I need to do something to protect family. Clearly I need to tell his exW what his behaviour has been like. I just don't really know what to do. They live overseas so I can't report him to the police, can I?
Any advice welcome. Thanks for reading if you got this far 