...looks like I might be a single mum...

[BitofSparklingPerry]

:-(. Long story, not really relevant. Marriage has been dying for a while, but I have given him a bit of an ultimatum. I think one way is the only way we can be happy, but he disagrees. I suspect thus could be the end. I am at my mums, he is at the other side of the country, and says he is 'thinking'.

Just... i dunno. What do I do? If it does finish, what happens? We don't own anything of note, the kids (5yo and 3yo dds) are with me but obviously we would hopefully try to keep things close. We will live quite far apart, so I'm guessing he will have them for long weekends/school holidays (they are currently HE, but that could change if I have to get a job that doesn't fit with that).

It looks like it is loads more hassle and expense to get divorced than it is to get married in the first place, which is odd.

It's my birthday tomorrow, I will be 28. Which could mean that the two year separation before a divorce could end on my 30th birthday.

Doesn't feel like I am talking about me.

The kids seem oblivious, which is one good thing.

So sorry about the situation your in. I split with my husband last January , when i was 30, and I am now a single mum. It is such a shock to the system. I never thought I would be in this position. In my case though nearly a year on and I feel so much more positive.

I know what you mean in regards to divorce. I've decided to leave that at the moment. I know we won't be getting back together but I don't think you necessarily have to rush in to it.

On a practical level you need to think about your day to day life's. Will you be able to stay where you are currently living or do you need to move? You should be able to claim benefits have a look online. If you meet the criteria for income support you can currently claim that until your youngest child is 5.

I found that concentrating on the practical side of things helped to keep me focused on what is important, building a new life which ever shape that now takes.

I need to move, away from him but ner to my friends and family. I feel awful, but it can't really be avoided.

Why are you proposing to go down the path of 2 year separation when either of you could divorce the other citing unreasonable behaviour?

If you are currently entitled to legal aid, you should note the rules are changing in April and, thereafter, it's probable that you'll have to put a considerable sum upfront before you can begin divorce proceedings.

Is there not a cheap way of doing it? Dh got divorced when I was firs with him (they were waiting out the two years, but then he got with me so she divorced him for adultery) and he just got some papers though the post, signed them, and got papers back and it was done.

It only cost £110 to get married!

Take a look at this information, you will find it useful. It doesn't have to be expensive and difficult if you both agree it's over, there are no assets to divide, and you are too far apart to have arguments about shared parenting.

If you both agree it's over, there's no point prolonging it. The quicker it's done, the quicker you can start life again.

i'm not married but have just posted about my relationship being over and am now a single mum

glitter take a look at the link, it's full of really good information and links to access practical advice, whether you are married or cohabiting.

thank you - am just looking at the link now I'm on my laptop