Well done!!! I am so happy for you.
While I had the '10 steps' I did kind of mix and match as the main thing is to have confidence and believe it will happen (which after years of it not happening is v v difficult). My DH as I said above was my first partner in 18 years - sounds dreadful when I just worked that out, I think I had stopped counting at 10. Although he didn't know what vaginismus was (and I didn't tell him til after) he was v sympathetic, didn't through a strop and leave through our sexual failures and I think it helped me know he was 'the one'. This is making me cry now!
I've got my book out and thought I'd post a summary in case any of it helps you or anyone else - as I said, I don't think I would have got anywhere just with a set of dilators without the magic book and hearing from other women on line. This cost me £99 so here's my summary for free!
- Learning about vaginismus, vaginas and pelvic floors.
First thing is that it is very variable but your vagina is OK, just the muscles around it are involuntary spasm. It can vary from woman to woman - so some women can't get anything in their vagina and some can manage a full gynae exam or partially insert a penis (so bollocks to the GP that told you it wasn't vaginismus). Your muscles and sexual responses have a memory - this can include stuff your mum told you about sex, bad experiences with a partner, birth trauma. Somewhere along the line your pelvic floor muscles have a memory that cuts you off in arousal, preventing you from progressing and them learning that inserting a penis is OK.
In the workbook it suggests you write down how it affects you relationships, positive things you will get from overcoming it and to list other problems in your life you have overcome - just to show you can do it (writing things down sounds corny but I found this really helped). It suggests you start by trying some relaxation techniques and focus on relaxing muscles.
- Mind over matter
This is about looking at your relationships, dating and sexual history, sex education as a child, medical problems such as after childbirth or mentrual problems. If you spoke to someone about problems what was their reaction - did it help or just make you frightened or feel defective? The idea is to see if subconsciously your beliefs are adding to your fear and your pelvic floor is acting on your fears.
I found this one of the most helpful parts of the book although I wrote most of it in tears.
It made me think about what I had learnt about sex - on one page of the workbook I've written 'Sex is painful, sex is embarrassing, sex is never to be talked about, sex is mechanical and sexual problems are your fault - all of these thoughts are WRONG'. And I realised that my first 2 partners were abusive. I had honestly no idea that I thought any of this.
In a slightly American and corny way it then suggests you make declarations putting the past behind you, giving your self permission to be a sexual woman. Sounds weird now, but at the time it was brilliant.
- Anatomy
Basically this is when you get a mirror out and have a look at your ladybits. And if you haven't done it before, masturbate 
You can have a feel about your vagina but don't stress about getting inside it.
The book had lots of details about exactly what each bit does and pictures of all shapes and sizes of bits. For me what was really useful was a description of what happens during arousal (they didn't teach this at medical school!) I found it really helpful to learn that your vagina changes shape during arousal - it lubricates in less than 30 seconds, forms a funnel shape, grows larger, stretches longer, the cervix pulls up out of the way. Having failed to insert a tampon, this really helped me to know that during sex IT WAS DIFFERENT. For a while I repeated 'your vagina changes shape in 30 s' in my head just before we tried to get in - I'm sure DH thought I was thinking about him!
Then lots of description of why sex might be painful at the beginning - all of which boiled down to the fact that your partner should take it slow and make sure you are really turned on (and if he doesn't you should dump him.... OK I added that bit 
- Pelvic floor muscles
This is boot camp for your pelvic floor. You are supposed to do 3 exercises:
tighten hard for 3 secs and relax for 3 secs
Flex and relax as quickly as possible like flickering
Slowly squeeze and pull up your pelvic floor as far as possible and then slowly relax as far as possible.
You do this for 4 weeks (!)
Week 1: 25 of each a day
Week 2: 50 of each a day
Week 3: 75 of each a day
Week 4: 100 of each a day
For me this was another important step as you gain a lot of control of your muscles which enables you to consciously relax them when you are trying to inserts dilators (or penises) later on.
- First insertion
The book suggests a Q-tip or a finger (I found I had no problem until dilator 2 but everyone will be different). Relax, do some pelvic floor exercises, use loads of lube. Stand with one foot on the bed, find the entrance to your vagina, do more squeeze and release and then slowly insert, doing more squeeze and release every time you get stuck. If it isn't happening, congratulate yourself on how far you did get and try again tomorrow.
- Graduated dilators
Basically you work your way through the dilator set (confession - I never did the biggest one cos it looked freaky!)
You use the same procedure as for step 5 but find the position most comfortable for you - could be squatting or lying on the bed sort of sitting up (I liked this because I am lazy)
So get into position, lube up your chosen dilator, relax, do some pelvic floor exercises, move the dilator around your lips and vaginal entrance and then start inserting. If you get stuck, don't force it, relax, do some more pelvic floor exercises and see if you can move forward. If you can't don't worry, try again tomorrow. I found it helped to sort of estimate how far I'd got in so I could see I was a centimetre further than the previous day IYSWIM. You'll probably find you have a 'band' you get stuck at which is your pelvic floor muscles and when you get past these you can go all the way in.
Once you are in practice removing and inserting the dilator MANY times, both slowly and rapidly. If you want it to be a bit more like sex, throw in some pelvic thrusts. If you are stuck on one level, try leaving the dilator you can do in for longer periods of time - ie leave it in for an hour while you lie in bed watching TV.
When you feel ready to go up a size, practice with the one you know you can do rather than just going straight up. Don't go up a size unless you have been successful with the smaller one at least twice on 2 separate days.
On the website there were women who had gone through the whole set in a week (which I found v inspiring but unachievable) to those who had spent a year over it. I nearly got stuck as it is fucking painful so you have to keep remembering your success, why you want to do it and how you have done much more than you previously thought possible. This is absolutely the bit where if I had just had a bag of dilators and no advice or support, I would have given up.
- Involve your partner
This is the good bit! (Having not bothered to tell my partner I had a problem, we didn't do this in textbook fashion - with hindsight I wish I had as it would have been a lot easier. However I did get to do lots of foreplay 
)
You and your partner focus on pleasuring each other (with no attempts to have penis in vagina sex) and discovering each others anatomy. If you have had psychosexual counselling, you'll know that they suggest starting with things like hand massage before moving onto more obviously sexual areas.
- Pre-sex
Get your partner involved in dilator insertion - this is the bit I didn't do and I think would have been really helpful so sex wasn't so much of a leap. Oh well, we finally figured it out. They encourage you to then start doing some foreplay and sexual touching with the dilator inside, to help your muscles relearn that this is actually pleasurable.
- Transition to sex
Again, I didn't do this bit and wish I had. They suggest you go for you on top as it gives you the most control (On the website, I found loads of women preferred missionary as it was closer to the position they had used when dilating). Get on top with the largest dilator in then slip it out and replace with his penis. If it isn't working, keep swapping between dilator and penis and remember to flex and release your pelvic floor if you get stuck. As someone suggested above, they also suggest it will be easier if you are aroused or just after an orgasm. And practice - they suggest a minimum of 4-5 times a week! The more practice the better!
- Sex, lots of it!
Basically you keep practising. They suggest starting with just you moving, then just him moving, then moving together, then going for different positions. And now you aren't really doing a 10 step programme because you are all loved up and haven't a problem.
I hope some of this mammoth post is helpful to someone. I mixed and matched what I felt comfortable with but have to confess, a year on, it would all have been quicker if I'd followed the book religiously. Obviously the book is longer but I've tried to post what I found most useful and I'd never read this stuff elsewhere - it really was, here's some dilators, get on with it - this didn't work but the 10 steps (well, my version) did.
Good luck everyone and get doing those pelvic floor exercises