help and support desperately needed!

[Justus]

I sit here on the sofa in shock - my dp, whom I've been with for over 2 years, and who proposed 18 months ago and planned wedding as soon as my divorce from long-separated ex is through (dragging on, due within months now) has just ended our relationship. Says it is due to my problems with his adult kids. I do admit I've been difficult about them for the last few months, I know I should have been more reasonable, but he won't listen when I say I will try harder. It is too late.
I have only had these 2 relationships - a bad marriage and this new relationship which came many years after my marriage break-up. I had kept myself to myself, found it difficult to open up, but so trusted my dp when he promised to love me and look after me forever. Now he's going, leaving me with my one teenage child, now having to manage end stages of acrimonious divorce, house sale etc on my own. I am so sad and so scared. I can't eat, I have few friends and work from home. I can't believe it. Please help me.

I'm sorry this has happened to you and it must be a nasty shock. But better to find out now that it's not working rather than have gone down the aisle and be facing a second divorce.

Please call on your few friends and get their support. If you have any family, give them a call too. You're feeling stunned today but you'll rally as the days go by.... and, if you have something to focus on like a house sale and a divorce ... they could ironically save you from wallowing in the break-up. Your teenage DC will also want to help and kids can be really resilient and good partners at times like this. Don't feel you have to mask your feelings from them.

Look after yourself. Good luck

What is the problem with his children? Have you both talked about it or tried to tackle it?

I know that if my partner was difficult to my child I would have to seriously consider the relationship.

You need to communicate and face the problem

thanks Cogito - I know I will have to live through this but there's so much now being taken away from me. I know I could have been better, but I don't think my struggles with trying to find the right relationship with his kids should have been enough to destroy everything we had together.
And HairyG, I was never difficult to them directly, always nice. I just struggled with the fact that their visiting plans were always vague and last minute, meaning we had to be on hold. And with being left out of some of their gatherings as a family, and with other, pretty minor things that nevertheless obviously annoyed him a lot.
And he found my d difficult too. She has been unwell and is not always the easiest person to be around.
Altogether he obviously didn't want to try any more. He's given up. I hurt so much because of all the promises he made me, the way he chased me all the way, the way he talked about marriage and took me to see houses we might buy. It is so cruel.

You've just been unlucky, that's all. A lot of relationships that seem good initially end up foundering but, set against the backdrop of a stressful divorce and selling your house, it's that bit more difficult to cope with.

BTW... being 'chased all the way' may feel flattering at the time but it's often a big red flag when it comes to unsuitable partners. Nice people respect your personal space and will never try to rush you into anything. A man that feels threatened/offended by a woman who wants adults to keep to their promises was never going to be on your side. And leaving you out of gatherings was not the action of a committed person who loves you. Very insulting.

I think you've probably had a lucky escape

Warning Signs for the Future