Have name changed, not on here that often but bit embarrassed...not sure why posting other than to get it off my chest and seek views of people who don't know me. Sorry, long story...
So, I have been divorced for a couple of years with a dead love life for the three before, no sex for 5 years. A couple of weeks ago, was out in a local bar and a couple of young guys were dancing with me and my friend, it got v touchy (touching my bum) but I decided to cut the evening short. Anyway, one of the guys got in touch with me on twitter as he recognised me when I replied to a tweet, and dm'd me. From the start it was clear the intention was for us to meet up and have sex. It was a massive ego boost, not least because I am in my 40's and he is mid twenties. Because of other stuff, we couldn't meet for a few days and he kept sex texting me, I got involved in some very rude conversations, a total first for me! All talking about what he was going to do to me when we met up. I was so nervous as I didn't want to be a disappointment, but not having had sex for 5 years, with the offer on the table I was, frankly, gagging for it. So, we met late one night and he came back to mine, he was very nervous and didn't leap on me straight away but we sat and chatted then got down to it. He had spoken about liking stockings so I dressed up for him and he told me nobody had done that before. He stayed the night, but we only had sex the once (and did what we had texted about) and I had to take him home early next day as he was catching a flight to move abroad (part of the reason i had thought it was a good idea for real no strings sex). i text him to say thx for lovely evening and good luck in new country, he txt back straight away to say it was a memory he would never forget, and was he good as he only went 15 mins (which tbh had felt like a lifetime to me, being used to a husband who only used to last 3 mins max. I was worried at one point he wasn't going to come!). I asked him if I'd disappointed him thru lack of practice and he took 3 hours to reply no way. He then text me when he was on the plane to say keep in touch on twitter as he's getting a new phone.
Thing is, I am being ridiculous about this now as I am hoping he will contact me even tho I know the chances are zero, and thinking that if he doesn't it means I am useless in bed and unattractive. I am clearly more fucked up emotionally than I thought, and not at all cut out for a ons. What I can't get out of my head is why he wanted me, who is so much older. I was also conscious of my ageing body, particularly thread veins and external piles (oh the shame) although it didn't seem to matter at the time and I felt amazing in my sexy underwear. I was walking on air for the few days it was happening, it still feels a bit surreal now, but coming back to earth with a bump. I think he's briefly back in the uk in a couple of months, so there's the chance I will bump into him and not sure how I feel about that, I think I'd be embarrassed.
I think I've worked out that I only want him to contact me to massage my ego, and its not that there would EVER be anything more than sex, I just think I am so not cut out for casual sex.