Do you all sometimes feel insecure about other women?

[runforestrun]

Just something I had problems with in my last relationship, but not in past relationships.

With my exp I just seemed to notice women (mostly strangers) so much more, always thinking they looked better than me, have better things to say etc.

I don't want this to carry over into any future relationships, anyone else feel like this?

I meet plenty of people who look better than me and have more interesting things to say. :) But I take the view that if a boyfriend's with me, he's obliged to find me the most lovely, interesting person in the room... and if he doesn't he can piss off..

What happened in your last relationship that made you feel insecure about other women, and specifically those you don't know?

Did he have a wandering eye or make frequent reference to ow implying that you were 'less' than them?

I know what you mean OP. I do have a bit of an issue with this, but it's because I have been involved in relationships with men who were rather insensitive thoughtless/abusive wankers. For example, blatantly being compared to other women. Has that sort of thing happened to you in past relationships?

You really have no control other what others do. If DP wanted to cheat he would find a way. Looking, or rather glancing, is ok imo. Leering is just plain embarrassing and disrespectful. Harmless flirting is ok too.

He did do things which made me feel uncomfortable, he would actively stare at other women - but really weirdly enough only when we were on holiday abroad!! think he thought it didnt matter there. He used to say he would get fixated with someone, and he would just stare at them, I would talk to him and he wouldn't hear a word I'd said.

He also told me that when he went down the gym women would 'come on' to him. Which didnt help much as I then got insecure everytime he went down , which was a few times a week.

I still wonder if it was me with the problem and should of shrugged things off more.

Hmmm, well it isn't you with the problem, sounds like your ExP was an arse in that respect. It was his issue, don't let it become yours!

I think anyone would become insecure with a partner who behaved like that! Nice, decent men don't.

What TheSkiingGardener said. A couple of my X's behaved like that, but not all men are the same.

"women would 'come on' to him."

What a knob. He probably meant 'they accidentally glanced in his direction' and his super-inflated vanity filled in the blanks. I know someone who is horribly homophobic.... thinks every gay guy is checking him out. (As if) You were quite right to let this moron go.

Of course! I'm often in the gym and think 'god, her thighs are amazing'... and then look down at my saddlebags

The difference is that I do it to myself. He's doing it to you...WHY?

I'd hazard a guess and say that any man doing that has their own issues about esteem

He made a point about telling you that other women came on to him in the gym?

Instead of focussing on this and being concerned every time he went for a workout, I'd have concentrated on why he told you this. My best guess would be that he wanted < for whatever reason > to fuel your jealousy/interest/whatever and it was all about HIS self esteem issues and not yours. And regardless of how he acted with you/ was all cool/ non jealous etc.. he had 'something' going on because he felt the need to big himself up at your emotional expense.

XH used to claim women on the PTA Committee chatted him up. I spoiled the game, though, by being unimpressed. Chatting I'd believe, but chatting up - well, if you'd ever met XH you'd understand.

Funny thing, when I was younger, slimmer and quite pleasant looking I used to feel dreadfully insecure about my appearance, but now I'm middle-aged and stout I like myself more than before. I guess I'm just totally not interested in being attractive. Sometimes I have to look smart, eg for job interviews, but that's fair enough, as there's a practical reason for it. As long as I'm reasonably tidy and don't smell I'm quite satisfied with myself.

'Reasonably tidy and don't smell'

Do you mind if I nick that for next time I post in the lonely hearts column...?Sums me up nicely.

NO!
DH is a horror for eyeing up other women, has been doing it since we first got together.

Doesn't bother me at all, if he wanted some pretty air head blond, he wouldn't have proposed to a mousy, spectacled academic.
Somehow, he fancies me, I've no Idea why.

I'm clever and that gave me all the confidence I need, as a teen.
I could scrub up reasonably respectably, but several of my friends would always be prettier.

From that day to this. It truly has never bothered me.

Well, from what I learned from a brief, scary glimpse at the online dating threads, Cogito, it's more than you can hope for from most of the men.

ROFL!

No. Was never going to be the pretty or hilariously amusing one so don't make it a contest. Your ex had a problem - it was his problem.

Amen, ShineOn

"Your ex had a problem - it was his problem." Couldn't agree more.

I have never had general insecurity about other women - I think most people can get a bit self-hating sometimes (especially teenagers or when going through a difficult time) but not thinking that other women have something I don't. The only times I have felt like that was about specific women who (it turns out) were trying to muscle in on my relationship.

It's him that's a dick - he made you feel like this. I'll bet next time you'll find a lovely, kind partner who wouldn't dream of making you feel like this. Because you'll dump anyone who does - right?

My X fiance used to watch a lot of porn and would regularly point out things he liked in women, that I usually didn't have. He even asked me if I could put weight on my arse and make it bigger, but lose weight off my thighs at the same time. FFS, no wonder he's an X.

You could always make a point of eyeing up attractive men in front of him when you're out in public and maybe flirting with them. Then dump his sorry backside and tell him it's because you keep getting better offers.

No.

There are always going to be other women out there who are thinner / younger /prettier than me so no point worrying about it. I just do the best I can to keep fit, look as good as I can and confidence comes from within too.

But the key is that DP likes me for my personality, intelligence and various other things as well as my looks, so I don't feel like he would swap me for some size 8, 21 year old hottie

Also I know DP finds my success in the workplace attactive and he loves the fact that I share his interests, which include a lot of sports that most women are not interested in.

So other women may be physically more attractive than me, but I know that DP likes the 'whole package' with me and I am quite unique so I don't feel like other women compete with me (in terms of being what DP is looking for).

Do you have another 'string to your bow' that makes you unique? So you feel that you don't have to compete with other women over looks, what to say etc?