... because I'm so upset and can't stop crying even though my head is screaming at me to stop being such a numpty.
Yesterday my husband was talking to me about how uncomfortable he feels at work at the moment because his boss keeps making really crude comments to him about a junior member of staff. This junior staff member is the person my husband works most closely with on a daily basis. He then starts saying how inappropriate he finds these comments because it's extremely unprofessional in his field to look at junior staff members in a sexual manner (a relationship could lead to disiplinary proceedings). But then he's telling me how he wouldn't ever look at this woman in this way despite her being extremely pretty and then starts detailing what makes her so attractive: she slim and has a lovely figure, a slight elfin like person, with a kind, gentle, soft nature and so on and so on.
I told him this conversation was making me uncomfortable so he shut up. Now I feel heartbroken. He's sat there telling me this woman is extremely attractive because she is the complete opposite of me :(
When I eventually went to bed last night and he cuddled up to me, I just burst into tears (and haven't stopped since). I explained that telling your pregnant, emotional wife who is overweight and has struggled with an eating disorder and the body image issues which go with it her entire life, that you think the women you spend the most time with is so attractive because she's a delicate slip of girl is probably not a wise move.
To be fair, he was genuinely upset at how upset he had made me. He has AS so is prone to putting his foot well and truely in his mouth. I know he loves me and thinks the world of me and I know he would never do anything delibrately to hurt me. But I feel ... I don't know, I can't put it into words. I'm literally sobbing just writing all of this. Insecure maybe? Vulnerable? Second best? I don't know. :(