I have finally told boyfriend of 9 months that it's over. Happy new year eh?
Its not been great for, well most of the time we have been together, I rushed into it too soon after splitting with husband, and him the same. We were a crutch for each other when we had no one else, but I know that I put up with too much because of this.
He was always late, every single time we arranged to meet/him to come over. He is in major financial difficulties due to overspending in th past so I have paid for stuff, more than I could afford, more than I should have done. His ex is still in his life, it felt she was always waiting in the wings.. Ringing and texting 5+ times a day. He would turn up here 3 or 4 times a week, I'd cook a meal, he'd watch tv or play on his phone.. I think on 9 months he did the dishes 3 times maybe?
Then of course there was the incident. He got drunk, we had a row, he punished a hole in my wall and drove off. Still I didn't have the balls to say to him enough is enough. I have cried more this christmas than I have in the past 10 years, because of him, but also because of what I have allowed myself to come. It was my birthday a few days ago.. He ruined it, but still I asked him to come over last night, thinking that maybe we could spend the night together, that it would be nice. He was late, I bought the take away, he drank 2 bottles of wine and was on his fone.
He's checked my emails, he has threatened to "do in" my ex husband (who I have a good relationship with), he has stopped me from going out for tea with a work colleague, kicked off because I didn't tell him that the venue (a local pub) that my work Xmas do was at had hotel rooms... Even though I only went for 1 drink and left. He made me change my phone number because I had 3 texts from a very casual ex asking how I was... Despite me not replying to them.
I needed to get rid of him didn't I? Why do I feel so sad? Ds is with his dad for a few days and I just feel so lonely.
Sorry for the list and the ramble. I just needed to write it all down.
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Relationships
So he has finally gone...
Littlechangeforthis · 01/01/2013 11:50
DO NOT RESPOND.
What kind of muppet gets told it's over, and then has to ask Is It OVER?
What is WORSE.... "Are you SURE?"
Like you are too dumb to have agonised over it already, and that the words just popped out, unconsidered?
You have a list as long as your arm of reasons why the guy needed to be dumped, real strong, deal breaker reasons, when really even if you just didn't want to go out with him again, that'd be enough.
You have the right to end any relationship you want to, whenever you want to and for whatever reason.
He has to respect that or the term for it is Harassment. A criminal offence.
Do NOT respond.
I had an idiot do this to me for a while, after only a month of seeing him. He had health problems and texted me HELP. (note use of capital letters, and addressing text to me, rather than the easier way of just hitting 9 and 9 and 9 and send on his mobile... 
I called the police, gave them his details to have him checked out, as I couldn't leave sleeping 6yo, nor bundle him in the car for 40m journey to someone I didn't want him meeting.
When the eejit continued to call/text me, I called 101 and reported his turning up at my house (never been invited) and leaving a note on my car. Police contacted him and he backed off.
Your guy will not go quietly, so don't be polite and spare his feelings, use a sledge hammer to crack this nut, go in hard, and get someone ELSE to do it for you. Get this shit logged, in case he escalates.
Not trying to scare you, but you have to get this nipped in the bud now. Don't waste a single day thinking about a nice way to do this. No More Nice. OK?
Chicken pot pie. Ot nachos. Both are good comfort foods. Have both! 
Well done Littlechange, and well said, thoughtful posters above.
Please heed Hissy's words. She knows what she's talking about. Do not be nice, do not be gentle. You must indeed cut contact: this is more important than it looks. If you relent, your problems will start to multiply.
The only reason he is seeing his ex is so he can get things from her ... Sex, money, place to stay... And so he can keep messing with her head. This is what he wants to do to you too. And any other vulnerable woman he can find.
So please, stay determined, and keep pointing forward. Congratulations again on breaking free. 
only you can break that cycle. Sometimes it takes a while to learn, but you will get there.
Even the writing on the wall can be difficult to decipher ...
Good Luck. 
he is playing a game with you, only you can finish this sick game. 
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