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Original poster

Forgotten how to handle flirting

100 replies

donnasummer · 01/01/2013 11:03

I've been single since the dawn of time. Busy with work, dc. Happy with it, no time for anything else. Then, last night there was someone at a party .. kept flirting with me, kissed me .. and I panicked! Basically froze him out the rest of the evening, it was like being 18 again. It was a small group of friends, mostly in couples, so the kissing stuff was a bit of of place. He and I were the only single ones and it was NYE ...I liked him and was attracted to him but I literally didn't know what to do! Life is just too busy to fit anyone else in and I really am too old for one nighters. I've been on my own with dc this Xmas, then they went to their dad's; I must admit I've felt a few twinges of lonliness. I had more or less accepted that I was over and done on the romantic side of things so it was really disconcerting to think that someone found me attractive, even with the beer googles on. Life is so much simpler when it's just me .. and yet, am I cutting myself off from potential happiness as well as a lot of hassle? It made me realise how useless I am with this side of life. And how I miss having someone, really. How would mnetters handle being kissed at a party? That's it, really. It's a ridiculous question from someone in their forties - years ago I'd have been fine but last night it totally threw me!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/01/2013 15:49

group.... roast...... (these friends of yours are really setting you up aren't they?)

ColdHandLou · 01/01/2013 15:49

LOL at group roast! Have fun . . .

chimchar · 01/01/2013 19:15

Oooh. How exciting!

Please let us know how things progress with chicken man!

Hope you enjoy your night.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/01/2013 19:20

Flirty opening gambit #2

"Glad you didn't wear your chicken suit to the group roast... I might have been tempted to ask for stuffing"

Mynewmoniker · 01/01/2013 19:28

Just think!....free eggs with every date! Grin

Where did he perch last night?

Original poster
donnasummer · 01/01/2013 19:28

pmsl at cogito
I'm afraid you will all be disappointed. The roast was just a roast. We all sat round, chatted. Was a bit of a vibe going on but nothing flirty, was family and kids occasion. Then he went back to wherever he comes from. I did give him a hug goodbye but that's it, really.
Still, not a bad start to the New Year. I liked being found attractive, even through les goggles du vin.

OP posts:
Original poster
donnasummer · 01/01/2013 19:30

the hostess's sofabed mnm
apparently he tidied up and gave all the kids (there were many) their breakfast!

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chimchar · 01/01/2013 19:37

Oh god. Please see him again. He sounds a real catch!

If not, enjoy the ego boost and the fact that you've made me happy reading your posts! Grin

ColdHandLou · 01/01/2013 19:39

Aww, you never know if you might run into him again . . .

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/01/2013 19:42

He tidies, makes breakfasts and you didn't ask for a phone number or anything?

Original poster
donnasummer · 01/01/2013 19:44

chimchar I'd love to be all romcom but there was no way of doing anything remotely rom today! he seemed a bit quiet and I wondered if he was a bit embarrassed, we were all a tiny bit hungover and sleep deprived tbh
I probably will run into him again one day but he's not local
He didn't ask for my number or anything and I am sure he would have if he wanted it

OP posts:
Original poster
donnasummer · 01/01/2013 19:46

I know cogito, but it was all pretty public, I didn't want to ask him out in front of everyone including the dc, I think he's the fashioned type who does the running, he seems confident enough

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/01/2013 20:10

Forget old-fashioned girlfriend! It's 2013 now and women are allowed to do the running. Treat him as breaking your duck

Original poster
donnasummer · 01/01/2013 20:31

I'm liking your poultry theme cogito
Do you think I should sound out mutual friends about it, etc or accept that the moment has passed

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/01/2013 20:47

If you like the guy, think he likes you and want to see him again, get his phone number... ask about. I'm sure he'll be flattered even if he says 'no thanks'. One of my personal tenets is.... "There is no such thing as luck in life, just good opportunities and those smart enough to take them up when they see them."

Faint heart never won fair chicken!!!

Original poster
donnasummer · 01/01/2013 21:05

I'll do that, am pretty sure my friend will give me the low down! she's lovely and has known him a long time
one thing - he was quite keen to do the kissing discretely, out of sight, that's not a red flag is it? I know he is single, he doesn't seem like a player but who can tell
If I do find out more it won't hurt, it's not like I'm going to have to bump into him again
I feel totally pathetic asking all this, like a clueless teenager. Chicken man won't have given it another thought, will he? Thank for humouring me. And btw cog if you don't mind me asking, did you find a happy non grocery arranging relationship once you let the barriers down?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/01/2013 21:18

I wouldn't call discreet kissing a red flag... I'd be more bothered about someone going for a big showy tonsil-tennis in public number. I bet he is thinking about you actually but, rather like you are, worried about making an idiot of himself. Got to be worth a phone-call to find out.

On non-grocery arranging relationships ... yes, I have few gentleman callers Wink.

Original poster
donnasummer · 01/01/2013 21:24

I'll chat with my friend tomorrow, by which time I will have my sensible head back on
It has made me realise that maybe buying a single bed for myself was a little premature ...
good for you, you have obviously got to a place of secure self esteem.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/01/2013 22:08

You're very kind but my self-esteem is just as wobbly as anyone else's... however, maintaining my independence and keeping relationships very much on my terms means it is a lot better than it was when I was with someone 24/7 :)

Original poster
donnasummer · 01/01/2013 22:24

safety in numbers? isn' t that another, granted much more amusing, way of keeping that wall up, tho?
Envy Grin
I don't meet many single men, certainly not ones that attract me. Hence being v out of practice. I decided it was easier to just give up with that side of life. If I did get back into it I would probably be after the ultimate in nice tidy grocery shelves. Be warned, chicken man!

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/01/2013 22:27

I try to keep it to just one or two at a time... not a total tart :) Yes, it is a different kind of defensive measure, you're right. But it's more fun than picking up their pants off the floor or fantasising about poisoning their cornflakes next time they don't put the loo seat down.

Original poster
donnasummer · 01/01/2013 22:34

It sounds great fun! where do you meet them, if you don't mind me asking? I tried OD for a while but couldn't get into it, I met one man I quite liked through friends but by the time he pursued it I'd lost interest (and he had a storage fetish), and this one and that's the total sum of it in omg I just counted SEVEN years! never move to the country

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/01/2013 23:55

All kinds of places. Online once (chatting rather than dating). I'm involved with jazz music so that's a rich seam of lonely middle-aged blokes. :) Friends of friends. Current one is an old boyfriend from way back.

Original poster
donnasummer · 02/01/2013 00:06

sounds ideal
jazz - ideal - cool lonely middle aged men. I used to flatshare with a trumpeter
Beginning to doubt last night happened, now, it all seems so improbable!

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Original poster
donnasummer · 02/01/2013 13:24

been working all morning, it really does seem a dim and distant memory now, I probably did dream it! all it took was a kiss to throw me off balance, which kind of shows I am probably best suited to the work and dc lifestyle that's been my safe haven over the recent years
if he likes me that much he'll find me, won't he?

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