HELP!

[christmosschops30]

some of you know me and Dh not having the best of times.
This morning he started the poke me in the back thing, saying he'd had a dream, was horny etc.
I said no, the kids were around, were at my mothers and the last time we had sex I felt like he raped me

It's not the first time I've said this. Which is why we haven't had sex for 3 months.
He's now gone mad saying how dare I say that to him, how would I feel if he called me a child molester! And that if I say no 20 times then stick my bum out and let him carry on without moving then I obviously wanted it.

Thoughts please

Thoughts?

Does he have any redeeming features? Because it sounds as if you would be better off rid.

It felt as if he raped you? He thinks you sticking your bum out means you want it?

I don't know your back story but I am nervous for you.

I'm shocked that he's making it about he feels rather than discuss how I felt

Has he always been so selfish? Am horrified at his treatment of you. Feeling as though you have been raped means you were essentially .
I am nervous for you too.

He sounds terrible. You're clearly just a handy vagina to him.... no thought for your feelings. Any particular reason why you're still with him?

Oh yes....I said this to the ex once...he was wounded terribly and couldn't believe I'd said it. He probably couldn't because, just like yours by the sounds of it, couldn't have cared less about my feelings and my emotions didn't even register with him unless it suited him.

It was all about he felt about what I'd said...not about the feelings behind my saying it...just like yours.

What a cunt.

Really sorry you're with such a selfish man.

Hugs

I wish I could just forward through all the shit that would come with a split

OP how are you?

I'm still here, still miserable and still don't know what to do
But thanks for asking

Thoughts?

Leave him. No more thinking to be done.

You have to start thinking about it, OP. Do you really want another year of this?

When I say 'thinking about it' I mean the pure mechanics of it, of course.

I have thought about it, and had a chat with a friend who confided she is in the same position.

Ideally in a years time I would like to be separated, living back home with a nice little house for me and dcs

I have no idea what to say, where to start or even if you can just swan off with your kids, legally speaking

Have you sought any professional advice ?

As above. You can often get the first consultation with a solicitor free - just to discuss how to go about things.

No not sought any advice yet.
I have an assignment due in this week and an exam next week so just need to get them out the way.

I would be 6 hours away by car, would absolutely not restrict contact. Would I need a court order?

If you don't seek professional advice, then you will still be fruitlessly shouting for "help" from internet strangers for every abusive thing he does to you this time next year

Take it one day at a time, chops.

It's a lot to deal with. Don't start worrying about court orders just yet...unless he's going to be an arse it's unlikely you'll need to go through that. Baby steps. Solicitor.

Hugs

Trust

Book an appointment with a solicitor specialising in Family Law timed after your exams. Many offer a free half hour and you will get lots of very useful information because you situation is by no means unique.

Take some time to work out how you'd be fixed financially by checking resources such as the www.turn2us.org.uk Benefits Checker, the CSA calculators and so on. You may be better off in that regard than you think.

'Knowledge is power' and the more information and advice you get, the less you have to guess and make assumptions.