single mum to be who needs advice

[angelino111111]

hello all
help ?? everything still seems a bit surreal at the mo, Im 12 weeks pregnant and its all a bit of a shock, and my now x b/f doesnt want to be involved at all. To be fair the pregnancy wasnt planned, so what else can i expect ?? In all honesty i had never imagined children in my life, but now its happened I am excited - when im not worried about how i will cope financially and fending off other peoples opinions on my single parenthood and how i got in this situation and I really dont want to waste my pregnancy being angry and all consumed in my x ... any advice ???

you'll cope fine, especially if youre excited, congratulations by the way. sod the ex, its his loss. you have a good pregnancy and come here for support and look forward to holding your babe. i was in the same situation and you will be fine financially, as long as you dont have expensive tastes

yep i think i will, at that feeling sick tired and emotional stage and not coping to well with people, god help them when i feel normal again !! have been reading some of the stuff, and realise im not the only one. Oh and thanks for the congrats ..people seem to forget thats what you say when someone tells you your expecting a baby : )

theres quite a few single mums on here who will always chat to you and know what you are going through, youre brave for going it alone, its tough but easier than living with an arsehole

hi angelino, many congratulations!
other people's opinions - ignore'em. Life is life and can't be planned down to the last detail. After a year or so as a parent, you develop a slightly thicker skin when you've run into people who disapprove because you have too few/too many children, or because you breast/bottle feed, or how your children behave or are dressed, or a thousand other reasons!

financially, one child is definitely manageable. The hardest part is maternity leave, depends on what your outgoings are though.

hi angelino, many congratulations!
other people's opinions - ignore'em. Life is life and can't be planned down to the last detail. After a year or so as a parent, you develop a slightly thicker skin when you've run into people who disapprove because you have too few/too many children, or because you breast/bottle feed, or how your children behave or are dressed, or a thousand other reasons!

financially, one child is definitely manageable. The hardest part is maternity leave, depends on what your outgoings are though.

sorry. laptop is oversensitive.

congratulations angelino from fm X i agree with nightynight, you will learn to develop a thicker skin with regards to other people's opinions, especially those of people who haven't even had any children, let alone not had pleasure of raising them. any time you want to rant, you just post on here, there are plenty of ladies/people who are/have been going through the same as you X (((((hugs)))))

Congratulations, having a baby is sooooo rewarding and special. your ex is losing out and may realise it at some point but if he doesnt don't worry you may meet someone who wants to be a father to your children like i have. i was single for a while but now we are settled and a happy family of four

on the nights when it all feels too much, the baby wont sleep or you're feeling the loneliness then just remember that isnt how your life will always be and make the most of every moment with your baby because they grow up soooo quickly. If your friends/ mum whoever (someone you trust) offers to help dont feel like you have to say no, even if they just wash up for you or let you sleep for an hour take the help because it is hardwork having to be responsible for someone elses life 24/7 is a hard job but dont let me put you off. when you feel your baby in your arms for the first time you will know how special it is to be a mother - when your baby is staring contentedly into your eyes whilst feeding you will know - even though she/ he cant tell you in words, you will know that they love you and you are their whole world, they depend on you for everything and are amazing!

This is so nice it almost made me cry and i had to share!!!

Before I was a Mum -
I slept as late as I wanted and never
worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mum -
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunisations.

Before I was a Mum -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Spit on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mum -
I never held down a screaming child
So that doctors could do tests.
Or give injections.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a
baby sleep.

Before I was a Mum -
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million
pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone
so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mum.

Before I was a Mum -
I didn't know the feeling of having my
heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother
and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could
make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mum -
I had never gotten up in the middle of
the night every 10 minutes to make sure
all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
The joy,
The love,
The heartache,
The wonderment or the satisfaction
of being a Mum.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling
so much before I was a Mum.

You'll be fine! Positive mental attitude! My ex and I split while pregnant for the same reason but he is now great father... whatever happens though you and wee one will be fine!

Is strange being pregnant and single but once you have baby you won't have time to worry about peoples attitudes... or care about them!!

thank you all so much, you have made me realise the key is to focus on my baby and all the happiness that comes with him/her, instead of getting wrapped up in all the negative things going on, and its nice to talk to people who know how it feels. ps brought a tear to my eye too (which isnt v difficult at the mo !!!!)

hi angelino. i got pg accidentally too, dd's dad lives abroad but we are in good email contact. I too had absolutely NO intention of having children, not least because i had a severe medical phobia pre dd!
But, i can in all honesty say it has been the very best thing to happen to me. You will have very hard times ahead and i still go through phases of feeling like i am still coming to terms with it all, but it always feels worth it.

That poem lovemygirls - very nice but there are some parts that i just can't relate to i'm afraid and couldn't resist correcting some of it!!! I clean my house every day SINCE dd (at least since she grew up enough to allow me to )never used to before!! I would not hold a sleeping baby any longer than i needed to, i was desperate to be able to put her down!! I would not be up watching her sleep, i got precious little of it when she was a baby as it was!

hi,{slight hijack Bourneville I've emailed you today} congratulations angelino, another mum here who got pregnant accidentily. my boyf left soon after i told him.
the hardest thing I've found is the lack of support eg having family around to help, so if you have family around you make the most of their offers of help. It is sooo tireing looking after baby alone.
if you are worried about finances, check \link{http://www.dwp.gov.uk\this} site.
Good luck.

Definitely accept all the help you can get, I am so crap at asking for help and ironically when i most need it i ask least. because dd was an accident i think i unconsciously feel like i don't deserve help ie should be dealing with all consequences of my actions, which is absolutely ridiculous of course.

(me23 i've just replied! :))

hello lovemygirls - did you write that? it was beautiful. the first part had me smiling (a rare achievement these days ) then the part about having your heart broke in a million pieces because you couldn't stop the pain, made me want to cry (done easily enough!)

me23, i live far from my family (not the madding crowd - although it depends at parties ) so it is hard to ask for help from people i don't know as well as my family.

angelino, i wish you the best of luck - you have the support of those on here so please don't think that you're laone XXXX ((((((hugs))))))

alone - i can't spell today........

no i didnt write it im not that good i think i had it sent to me by a friend. it is sweet though and so true!

how are you today angelino? ((((((((hugs)))))))))