could you live with someone with this attitude

[manchester04]

I am beginning to think our marriage is over. Obviously there are many reasons for this but a big stumbling block is his attitude to family finances.
In the past my parents paid for me and dc to go away on holiday. Dh wasn't able to go and quite frankly Wouldn't have wanted to. All i paid was spending money. He than moaned because he didn't want to be paying for a holiday he wasn't going on.
He also has quite expensive hobbies and I suspect he has spent at least £1000 on them this year plus £400 on a tablet. I once mentioned something in passing and i was told "its my money I Can do what i like with it"
Worse of all in a row he basically said me and dc had been sponging off him for the last 13 years. Since having our children i have only worked very part time but for 5 of those years i worked full time. Obviously didn't take home as much as dh but i feel i do contribute.

No I couldn't live with him a d I wouldn't. Stop wasting your and Dc life with the misersabkr fucker.

A little harsh perhaps, Ledkr, but I agree. A relationship is about being happy for each other's good fortune, sharing responsibilities and working as a team. It sounds like you are on different sides.

Either he needs a serious wake ip call or he will lose you. Most fathers put their money in the pot and make sure it's shared out to cover the family's needs. They have a bit of money to spend on themselves, yes, but most of them would be fine about seeing their wives go off on holiday with her parents now and then, and would see financing the spending money as normal.

That having been said. It might be helpful to get a job again and bring home your own money big time to teach him a lesson, and to gird your loins in case you do decide he is too difficult/controlling to live with.

shrieking life has taught me that when it comes to being happy you sometimes need to be harsh. I wasted some if my young years on a nasty man who made us unhappy.
If a man sees his immediate family as sponging off him then its time to move along.

True, Ledkr. Life is short.

He's displaying controlling, bullying behaviour, using the fact that he earns more as a stick to beat you with and selfish, (deceitful?) behaviour not discussing big ticket items with you as an equal partner in the relationship. As I don't care much for controlling, selfish, deceitful bullies.... no, I wouldn't give someone like that house-room.

Agree that you should do everything you can to increase your financial independence from this man and if you only 'suspect' he's been buying various things, I'd be demanding full access to all the finances, personal as well as joint, and studying the statements. You may also get some strength from a precautionary chat with a solicitor. Knowledge is power.

No, I couldn't.

I think shared ideas about how to organise family finances are essential. Even if the couple have entirely reasonable but differing views about how to run the budget and accounts, they are doomed to a life of bickering and resentment. All the more so when one person has very UNreasonable ideas.

Op did you and your DH discuss contributions (financial or otherwise) prior to having DC?

Maybe you should get a full time job then hit him with the cost of half the childcare, a cleaner, higher food bill for more convenience foods, work clothes and travel or a second car and fuel.
He can't accuse you of sponging but will probably have less money for himself and you will have more.
On a more serious note whilst you are apparently sponging off him, disk up some extra funds for if and when you do decide to leave.

No, it would make me stabby.

How fucking dare he?

No I'm a Sahm and DH would never say or think those things.

His dc are scarcely sponging off him . And as a sahm, you're enabling him to work and have a family life - you're contributing a lot to the household, maybe not in cash but in caring for the children - not to mention the fact you have & do paid work. He's being horrible.

Apart from his attitude to money what is he like? If you split up there will be less money all round as you will have to finance two households between you. Agree with others who say you need to take steps towards being more financially independent. Children aren't small for long and it's worth increasing your skills & growing your career, then you will have better choices whether you stay together or split up.