She's 87, my father who was 9 years older died two years ago; they were very close. My relationship with her when I was a child was iffy - she was never really a natural mother. She had plans to keep herself busy, but she had a stroke soon after my father died. She is reasonably mobile, has slurred speech but is understandable, she can't write and can't cope with number concepts at all. That means she can't cope with money, time and dates, and isn't safe to try to cook for herself. She's in a sheltered flat where they provide lunches and have people on call for emergencies, and we've arranged carers to go in twice a day to see she takes her pills and do things like shopping and washing for her.
I live nearest and deal with things like her money and post, see her at least twice a week and am the first contact in emergencies. Younger brother lives around 100 miles away and sees her maybe once a month, older brother lives in New Zealand and shows no inclination to come over to visit at all.
The trouble is that visits are extremely hard work because she is so relentlessly negative. She isn't interested in anyone else, only in complaining about how bored she is and how she hates everything. We've tried everything to try to improve life for her - she's not interested in going out to meet other people in a similar situation, we try to sort out outings and activities but she says she's not interested, she can't be bothered to go to entertainments etc laid on at the flats where she lives. I thought she would be motivated by speech therapy and found a therapist who she really liked, but she wouldn't practise at all and the therapist gave up as she was achieving nothing. She can operate a DVD player and we've got her various DVDs of films and TV programmes she likes, but she complains that they're all boring too.
You don't have to tell me she's depressed and probably frightened, and I keep telling myself that. However, when I spend a couple of hours listening to her complaining about how bored she is coupled with outright refusal to countenance any suggestion that I make which might alleviate that, it's very hard work. One of the things I can't help remembering is that previously she was very much a "pull yourself together" sort of person (I'm not) and if anyone like her mother had behaved as she does, she would get very impatient - she never had much to do with her own mother when she was the same age anyway. It surprises me that it never seems to occur to try to apply her own philosophy to herself. So when I visit I usually feel great relief when I leave, and then I feel incredibly guilty.
I know there's no answer to this, I know many people are a lot, lot worse off - including my mother - but I suppose I need to vent.