Who do you talk to

[JustAnotherLlama]

When you can't talk to people involved?

I have a big decision to make, either way I will upset someone, I need to talk it through in detail so that I know i'm doing the right thing. I can't talk to either of the people involved, it's not something I can talk to friends about as I can't trust them to keep it to themselves... So who do I talk to?

[JustAnotherLlama]

He's a bully. A lying, childish bully. It's not something I talk about, but it's relevant to how I come to my decision I think.

[ZZZenAgain]

try maybe to take dm and her dh out of the equation for the moment. You're thinking of trying again with the father of your dc fot the baby's sake, moving in with him. Do YOU actually want to do this? Do you miss him, is he trying to get you back? Has anything changed here for the better?

[HollyBerryBush]

SF lies.
DP lies.
A reoccuring pattern.

My advice? Step back, think through what you want from your life, and what you want for your childs life. then think through whether any of these people can provide you with the stability a child needs.

[JustAnotherLlama]

I do miss him, he's getting help and has continuously apologised and said he wants to be a family. He loves our child, but had got himself into a very stupid situation. I dont know if I can trust him enough to move back in with him. I know that if I get back together with him people will think that I'm stupid.

[JustAnotherLlama]

Holly, that's what I'm trying to do. Thank you for seeing my point. Doing it in my head just goes round in circles.

Sorry i'm so disjointed, have had very little sleep thanks to dc's cold.

[ZZZenAgain]

if he was a complete bastard to you when you were very vulnerable, I am afraid it looks like a big red flag to me. Since I am not emotionally involved, I see this more in practical terms and I am not sure that your life would improve at this stage if you lived with him again

Is there time pressure for you, is he trying to make you come to a clear decision?

[JustAnotherLlama]

ZZZ, I think you're right, having written bits of it down and answered peoples questions in my mind I think i'm better off not moving in with him. It was silly of me to consider it.

[ZZZenAgain]

it isn't silly at all, he is the father of your dc and it is worth giving serious consideration to. Don't let yourself get rushed and only do it if it is going to improve your life. I doubt you trust him now, however trust can be rebuilt. Essentially is he a kind person? Is he responsible and decent? Does he love you to the point that he would not want to see you hurt?

You have to think about who you would be living with. It has to be good for you, otherwise it will not be good for your baby.

The issue with your dm is another one. I could imagine you feel, why does she insist on me not being with the father of my dc when she continues to stay with her dh who is no better? Something like that?

[CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts]

Blood is thicker than water. Your DM, regardless of what she has said or done, will always be your DM. BTW Just because she's not perfect it doesn't mean she can't spot a loser.... from what you say she's got experience in that. Whether you take a risk on a lying DP or not, therefore, she's unlikely to be lost to you permanently.

[JustAnotherLlama]

I think with everything going back to dp wouldn't be beneficial, neither would bringing up past with dm. I guess things will just go back to normal. I have asked for this thread to be deleted as I'm worried that I've given too much away. Thank you all for your support.

[ZZZenAgain]

hope you feel comfortable with your decision. Good luck with everything