Dumped at Christmas

[VenusStarr]

That's it really. I got dumped yesterday, by text!! I know not technically Christmas but my tree is still up and I am still on my Christmas holiday.

I didn't even get my present, but bonus is he didn't get his and so I get to keep it and it's an awesome gift, so happy Christmas me.

Feeling a bit sorry for myself as it could have come at a better time, my nan is seriously ill in hospital having had a brain aneurysm and shes not responding to treatment :( So I was already feeling pretty drained and this has knocked me.

Does anyone want to share any of their break up stories and how you came through them? I've done it before and we were only together for a few months but still feeling rubbish :(

I broke up with my first real love april, i was 18 he was 24 did the whole moving in thing etc. I now have our 2 week old DS in my arms.

I am very happy; took ages to get over him! I knew i was better off without him so i left his sorry arse(leaving someone who you love is hard!)

His loss; not yours! Go out get a nice dress and go out with friends! Keep your mind off by keeping busy!

All the crying/feeling like shit i did over my ex, i laugh and think WTF was i doing?

Congratulations on your ds :) its lovely that you have managed to move on and feel happy.

I know that it is his loss but he's also the first guy I've liked in nearly 3 years. I actually don't mind being single, it just sucks that he chose to do it one over Christmas and two when I'm already quite vulnerable. He said he'd been thinking it for a few weeks, do why not do it then?!

Sorry posting on my home and I hadn't finished. I know I'm better off without him and I will be ok, I'm just feeling a little raw :(

How long were you together Venus?

Only since the end of September, so it's silly to be having this response :(

No it isn't, it's still sad. And everyone is allowed a little self pity

I got dumped New Years Day, met a new chap on 22nd Jan and have been married to him for 5 years. It could be a blessing in disguise!

Venus - you can have till Monday day to wallow, then have yourself a fab NYE and look forward to a great new year!

I got dumped on valentine's day. Onwards and upwards OP!

Thank you

Thats why you feel abit as hes the first in 3 years you have liked.

He could of waited until new years or before christmas but doing it yesterday was very ummm, heartless to say so.

Least you can start a new year fresh and have a good NYE!
Also take back his presents and buy something in the sales

I'm in a similar situation Venus.
I started seeing a guy in August. Was only supposed to be a fling really. He was working in the area job was only supposed to last another 6 weeks and I really wasn't looking for more at the time.
Fast forward to the week before Christmas when the job does actually finish and me and very hot man have spent more evenings together than not in our jammies cuddled on the couch talking and watching films and he's gone.
I am more heartbroken than I thought I'd be. He has issues of his own and is frightened to commit but can't actually stay completely away.
Tbh it's a bit shit. I did get a pretty wonderful Christmas gift to go nicely with my broken heart but I miss him like mad. I thought it was crazy after only 4 months to feel like this but a friend got me to look back at everything we have shared in that time and it doesn't seem so crazy.

Thanks everyone. It's rubbish that you're going through similar geeklover in some ways I don't want to wallow, I don't want to give him the satisfaction! I am stubborn like that. I never saw this as a long term thing as he is younger than me, but we got on so well that I let my guard down and allowed myself to get involved and then he did this :(

His present is tickets to a gig that he wanted to go to, so I'm now going with my sister :)

Some men suck!! Have to have faith that it's not all men...

I know what you mean about wallowing. I get angry at myself for feeling upset thinking that he's just walked away from this without a backward glance why am I bothering.
But then he has glanced backwards and the part of me that didn't want to get involved and that let my guard down can understand where all his insecurities lie.
Doesn't do me much good though.
It's just a crappy way to start a new year though. Have been so happy since the summer now this.

I know what you mean. This year has been a real rollercoaster. My niece nearly died when she was born and I spent the first few monthd of her life feeling quite anxious that she was going to die. Thankfully she is doing really well now and i can control my irrational worries. The year was starting to look up when I met him and now it is ending on a real low and with my nan being ill, it seems likely that 2013 is going to start on a downer too :(

It's hard being a grown up :(

Just broke up with my bf last night. Feeling a bit pants but as there were problems it wasn't a healthy relationship in the end so focussing on the positives and eating boxes of chocolates tonight. I gave him a wonderful camera but broke up before I got all mine from him (got candles etc but he was planning to give me main pressie last night.
Try and just concentrate on you, your nan and your needs for a while. If he has been such a tosser unsupportive at this time he's better rid of.

It feels like you have lost a friend ive had the worst christmas emotionally

That's exactly it Wednesday the feeling of losing a friend.
Can't believe we are all feeling so sad just now. It's bad at any time but feels double shitty at this time of year.

I am sorry to hear about your nan. I hope she gets well soon.

You know, each and every time we open our hearts to love there is the danger of the other person taking our heart and crushing it under-foot. It hurts. It really hurts.

But part of life is realising that each and every time we risk love, with all the joys that it brings us, that there is that danger of hurt and pain. You cannot love and feel all the pleasures if you have never experienced the hurt and pain of a relationship ending.

As ridiculous as it sounds, the pain of your relationship ending has the potential to make you a better person :-) If you allow it to do so then the next time love comes calling it will be all the better for it.

The trouble with "Christmas" is that the build up and aftermath lasts about a month so if you aren't happy with your relationship then you feel awkward doing it just before Christmas and awkward doing it just afterwards. I've split up with blokes just before xmas when younger because i wasn't happy, knew things wouldn't last and didn't want to stay together just for a particular date that people got hyped up about. I got grief for breaking up before xmas, he got grief for breaking up just after xmas and presumably kept going until after xmas as otherwise you may have complained that he had ruined xmas by breaking up just before it.
It's sad a relationship you thought was promising has ended but I think once one of you has decided you aren't happy there's no point stringing things out.

Thanks for all your replies. I'm feeling better today. I need to start focusing on me and not be 'woe is me'. There were a few things about the relationship that weren't quite right but because I liked him so much I pushed them to the back of my mind.

tawse57 thank you for your best wishes about my nan, they are talking about her being discharged to a nursing home on Monday. It's just incredibly sad that her life has ended up like this. I liked the rest of your post about how we need to open ourselves up and part of doing that leaves us open to be hurt. The main reason he gave me for splitting now is that although we were having a great time together, he knows it won't last forever, so it is better to break up now rather than hurt each other in the future. Twisted logic. I don't want to be with someone who is willing to let their insecurities control their life.

I just need to stop myself drifting off into fantasies that he'll turn up on the doorstep full of sorrow and what a mistake he's made and then I turn round and tell him he had his chance and he blew it :-/ I'm not sure this is helpful!