Dating when the clock is ticking

[Alittlestranger]

Really not sure if I'm looking for "you're still young, get over yourself" or "time's wasting, get real" with this thread. But I'm interested in how people go about dating when they want children and have a limited window left to do it in?

I'm 30 and split up with my ex partner this year after just over six years in a relationship. I never thought about my biological clock etc and just assumed children would happen as and when I wanted them. Now I'm single I'm very aware of the fact that I want children eventually but that realistically the window for "eventually" ends in about five years.

I'm pretty happy being single right now and I am enjoying a little bit of time to get my sense of self back. I think if Mr Right did suddenly turn up on my doorstep I'd resent giving my newfound freedom back so soon. But I'm now horribly aware that time is finite. I alternate between thinking five years is actually plenty of time, to thinking that actually I probably don't have another failed relationship in me.

Should I be prioritising finding someone I want to have kids with, or can I afford to spend some more time fannying around? How old were you all when you met the man you had children with?

Tawse did you read the full thread? I actually say that I'm not looking for a man to father my children at the moment. I want to spend a while on flings and then look for a partner who I feel enthused about without any kind of pressure; and my question is more whether I can reasonably expect that given my age.

I'm also not sure how you assume that my ex was the non-daddy kind. Given that he wanted to be a young dad and I also hoped that being an "old" mum was feasible, I really don't think that was the issue. Although I am definitely attracted to the non-daddy types at the moment but that is more a reflection of not being in the right frame of mind for a long-term relationship straight off the back of another!

Tawse she wasn't saying that at all!

And you are forgetting that plenty of men actually want children? What is she supposed to provide 6-10 years of shits & giggles and the prize is a baby?

Your post is actually quite ridiculous!

Ignore stranger.

I agree that has to be one of the most ridiculous posts I've read on here!

Watch out poor menz we are after your spermz.

Thanks folks. I was beginning to worry about what my subconcious was putting out there!

stranger I married in my 20s, divorced in my 30s, met the current Mr Agent when I was fannying around in my mid 30s. Had first DD when I was 36.

No, there are no guarantees, but it does happen.

green it's a bit of a cliche, but quite often you find what you're looking for when you stop looking.

Did that make sense

Whether you believe it or not - and you and others clearly do not - most men will read your post in the same way I read it. You can ignore it and carry on with the support of other ladies on here mutually reassuring you, or you can actually stop and give it a thought.

It might actually help you in the future.

But hey, if you don't care for the input then carry on as you are now. It is Human Nature when something does not work - and this is very true of failed relationships - to go out and repeat the same mistakes time and time again.

It is also far far easier to listen to people saying what we want to hear rather than listening to advice that, well-intentioned, might cause a few sharp pains in the ego.

Get back to me in 10 years if you have gone through another 1 or 2 failed relationships and the clock has almost stopped ticking.

Best of luck.

Tawse - you are a bellend.

I thought this thread was going to be about someone over 40, not 30... there should be loads of time unless you have anything wrong ( eg polycystic ovaries etc), but then even if there is nothing obviously wrong with you infertility is very common.

I think what i am trying to say is

1. don't panic
2. don't rush
3. choose partners because you like them and for no other reason, and the rest will follow, and if it doesn't but you still think they're the bees knees anyway then you will still be happy. I have several friends who didn't want kids with a previous partner and are now happily married, with 2 kids, to someone else ( and not because they married Mr safe & dependable, either).

enjoy your singlehood. At a similar point I once invoked a '3 month rule' so as not to waste too much time: if I knew it would be non-proceedable by 3 months then that was that ( because I think you do know quite early in if all is not rosy)..

good luck

Rule 4 - find out which dating site the lovely tawse frequents and keep the hell away!

Ha, but I was planning to copy and paste my original post into a profile (because yeah, obviously it's what I say to potential partners) and wink at him.

Three month rule - sounds like a good idea.

The only non-daddy kind of man to date is the seedless raisin kind, Tawse, and there aren't many of them to the pound.

He must just be looking for a fight. Surely no one holds these opinions? Please tell me they don't!

It is offputting if all someone talks about on the first date is how much they want to have children. It can make you feel like anyone with functional reproductive organs would do. However, that isn't what the OP was saying.

This thread is very interesting. I'm 31 and have been with my DP for 9 months. I really want children, have done since I was a little girl. However, DP is not sure if he wants any, and certainly doesn't want to start trying any time soon. How long do I give it before I have to walk away? I know plenty of people happily conceive in their late 30s and 40s, but I always wanted to be a young mum, so I really feel that time is running out.
Oh, DP is 3 years younger than me.