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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

xmil has packed her bag and left...

14 replies

winnie · 15/04/2006 20:51

all because I dared to tell her that the 1hr long racist rant (which I had kept challenging) was offensive and I'd appreciate it if she kept her racist views to herself in my house!

Am furious.

Husband and I are separated but on good terms. He lives in small flat I live in large house. As ds has not seen his grandmother for a year I invited her to stay over Easter. It has been extremely hard work. She has brought all her own food (including coffee, tea and milk), she has brought her own mug and toilet roll & kitchen roll... she won't eat with people or even drink a hot drink boiled from the same kettle (??!!??**!!?) she has moaned LOUDLY & CONSISTANTLY about everyone and everything (except her grandchild _ which is why I put up with it) BUT then this afternoon after husband took us all out and I bought lunch out she spent an hour saying the most horrendous things and I just couldn't bare it.

Husband has apologised to me for her behaviour and is extremely embarrassed... she has refused to speak to me and simply demanded that husband takes her away from my house.

I don't like upsetting people but I am furious. Dd (16) could not believe the crp she was spouting and I am simply thankful that ds wasn't in hearing although I think she will probably phone social services because I flippantly said "oh lets hope (ds) grows up to be gay and have black lovers" Blush I am really, really angry about the sht she spouted and find it hard to understand that someone really believes the stuff she was spouting. Husband and I stopped taking ds to her house 200+ miles away because of the bizarre relationship she has with husbands father and the atmosphere can always be cut with a knife but this ... our entire Easter plans have been changed to accomodate her (which was fine) but now.... feel so sad for ds because her and hr husband are his only grandparents and they rarely see him and beyond phoning and saying 'I haven't seen (DS) for x number of days, months, hours' they show no interest in him. he got his xmas present yesterday!

I don't like upsetting people BUT I know I wasn't in the wrong.

Not sure I feel any better for getting it off my chest :(

OP posts:
jofeb04 · 15/04/2006 20:54

You have done the right thing. You dont need your children around a women who can spout so much crap in front of her, without even thinking.

Original poster
winnie · 15/04/2006 21:08

thanks jofeb04

OP posts:
Caligula · 15/04/2006 21:14

Crack open the champagne. YOu really don't need poisonous people like this in your life, and neither do your children. No grandma is better than a grandma like this one. They can't possibly add very much positive to their lives.

Original poster
winnie · 15/04/2006 21:18

I know you are right Caligula :)

OP posts:
eidsvold · 16/04/2006 01:45

your children do not need poison like this in their lives.

Perhaps you can 'adopt' a granny rather than them having this one...

I know living in the UK - all of my family were back in Aus but I became very good friends with a colleague at work who was probably roughlyold enough to be my mum and she adopted dd1 like her own grandchild.....

Hope you feel better this morning.... enjoy the rest of your easter without having to cater to the old woman.

You and your children need people who will be an enhancement to your lives - whose relationship will add not detract from their lives and self worth..... not an ignorant strange woman who makes everything so hard and nasty.

Chandra · 16/04/2006 01:58

Lucky you, you have just earned your right to a free-from-horrible-MIL lifetime.

No, seriously, I think that MILs have every right to be included or excluded according to their behaviour and circumstances. And yours has surely won the exclussion right and she even walked her self to the door (mine keeps returning, d**n it!)

FWIW I didn't have much contact with grandparents as a child because we lived miles and miles away from them. The only thing I can tell you is that nobody misses what is not known. Your DS will be OK without grandparents, better to adopt a nice granny from other path of your life as it has been suggested than having your given MIL filling DS's head with all that rubish.

Original poster
winnie · 16/04/2006 08:37

eidsvold & Chandra, thank you :)
Have been thinking about this and talking to dd about this and both of us are utterly shocked by the sh*t she was spouting. Dd called her "an evil old witch" but we agreed that is an insult to witches... the more I think about it the morse I can't believe it! In my work I sometimes have to point out to people that what they've said is discriminatory and against the organisations equal ops policy (and personally i find offensive) usually people mutter an excuse, say 'oh I didn't mean it that way' (mmm ... right!) or just apologise or shut up. Not her!
Feel quite sorry for husband today as he has a 2.5 hr drive with her alone now (ds and I are staying put as she doesn't want to be anywhere near me). Sometimes I wonder if I should learn to keep my mouth shut for family harmony BUT sometimes enough is enough...

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 16/04/2006 08:42

Oh winnie I am so sorry. It sounds really awful, but I think you have done the right thing. Anyway, have a great Easter Sunday and eat loads of chocolate!

Carmenere · 16/04/2006 08:44

I agree you have had a fortunate escape but please I have to ask, what's all the cr'p about not eating your food ect?

Original poster
winnie · 16/04/2006 15:20

Carmenere & glitterfairy thank you for your sympathy :)

Carmenere, I have no idea what all the crap is about not eating our food, drinking from our cups, using our toilet paper etc. Dd thinks xmil has a version of ocd. She literally has to eat at 6.45; 11.30 etc. She isn't ill but she is constantly taking paracetamol. She seems jealous (?) of the fact my mother (much younger than her) has recently died of cancer! It is all terribly sad really. She came to see ds but spent most of the time in her room or dragging him in and out of shops because she wouldn't go anywhere we suggested (places ds likes, like the park or Avebury or Savernake Forest) all because she'd brought the wrong shoes... feel I am ranting again Blush sorry

OP posts:
Carmenere · 16/04/2006 15:49

Winnie it does sound like your ex-mil has some kind of mental illness. That behaviour is very definitely not normal or reasonable at all. Illness or not I think you have done the right thing, enjoy the rest of your Easter weekend Smile

anorak · 16/04/2006 16:10

Thank goodness your husband backed you up! At you won't face difficulties with him over this. Of course you were in the right. In some ways it's good that your children saw and heard her for themselves, as you don't have to explain why you don't want her around now.

Original poster
winnie · 16/04/2006 22:07

Poor h he had to listen to her going on and on and on about me and how I like to be in charge and how I don't look after ds enough (because he plays in the garden) AND how I am narrow minded Angry Shock She now, unsuprisingly, thinks that he is better off without me and the sooner we get divorced the better!

OP posts:
israel · 16/04/2006 22:23

winnie....it sounds as though you are well rid of her....life is too short to have people around who vex your spirit.

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