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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

piss I've fallen for my partners friend.

77 replies

bristolcities · 27/12/2012 14:34

I have been with my partner for 8 months we have just moved in together, we had a small house warming, 2 of my friends 2 of his, most fell asleep or left by 2ish but my self and the freond stayed up untill 6. At the end of an amazing 4 hour chat we kissed, I stooped him before anything else happened.
I love my boyf but we have nothing in common and I guess living together has just highlighted this. He is having a hard time of it at the moment and I feel utterly ashamed of my self but I can't help thinking of the friend all the time. I don't know what the vest thing to do for everyone is. I am fully expecting a roasting, maybe I need it, definitely deserve it.
Pardon the typos, I'm using a basic phone

OP posts:

Earlybird · 27/12/2012 14:38

If you are unhappy with your partner and don't want to try to make it work, then split up.

But very bad form for you and dp's friend to betray your dp to such an extent. It is the way to hurt him the most deeply.

Original poster

bristolcities · 27/12/2012 14:40

I know, I really love him, although my behaviour would suggest other wise I just find it so hard not being challenged at all.

OP posts:

lemonstartree · 27/12/2012 14:41

we have just moved in together,

nice ! why did you do that if you have nothing in common?

pretty poor behavior on both your parts, in my opinion

Original poster

bristolcities · 27/12/2012 14:42

Not an excuse, there is no excuse. He is a great man aswell

OP posts:

Earlybird · 27/12/2012 14:42

Pardon my saying so, but you sound very young and not ready at all for a serious commitment with your current dp.

Original poster

bristolcities · 27/12/2012 14:44

I thought it would all be ok I guess, I was lonely and have had only one previous relationship, a pretty awfull one at that. I can't hurt him now, not while everything else has gone so badly wrong for him

OP posts:

Original poster

bristolcities · 27/12/2012 14:45

I am relatively young I suppose, he is 6 years older than me, and I think bar a dew hick-ups pretty commited

OP posts:

qazxc · 27/12/2012 14:47

There are 2 issues here.
number one, do you see your relationship continuing or are you together out of habit and no longer love him? Do not stay with him out of pity (you both deserve better). This would have to be addressed whether you were drawn to someone else or not.
number two, think long and hard as to whether you want to start something with the friend as it will cause uproar. I assume that alcohol might have been consumed at this party and what seems deep and meaningful with drink might not stand up to the cold light of day. Also if he's quite happy to snog (and more if you hadn't stopped there) his mate's girlfriend, is he really someone you want in your life? To you it was deep and meaningful, to him maybe you were drunk and easy, and if he said what you wanted to hear he could get into your knickers.

VBisme · 27/12/2012 14:50

You do not want to be in a relationship with a guy who would try it on with his best mates girlfriend. He sounds horrible.

(and it's not because you're soulmates and he found you irrisitable, it's because you were both drunk and you made yourself available). Nice behaviour.

Earlybird · 27/12/2012 14:52

Pretty poor on your part to be with this man just because you didn't want to be lonely - and then cheat on him with one of his friends.

You need to sort yourself out, without depending on someone else to make things OK for you.

This is not the right relationship for you or him, from what you've posted. Move on so you can find someone you can be happy (and honest) with, and let him find someone who loves him (and who he can trust).

Original poster

bristolcities · 27/12/2012 14:56

I have never needed any one to make me happy, I was single for a long time and ok with it. I did love him, or maybe it was lust, any way I don't know how I feel any more. I have never been in this possition, I was madly in love for the whole of my previous relationship, obsessivey so, si this has come as a shock

OP posts:

OhEmGee25 · 27/12/2012 15:55

No offence but you sound very young and naive.

HisstletoeAndWhine · 27/12/2012 16:01

You've been together 8m. He's your boyfriend.

You've made a mistake. Get out of the house, and end the relationship.

It's not fair on your boyfriend. He deserves better.

ShipwreckedUnderTheTree · 27/12/2012 16:02

Moving in with someone after only 8 months seems abit full on.

HisstletoeAndWhine · 27/12/2012 16:03

Oh and btw, I've been with MY boyf for 8m. There is not another man on earth I'd kiss. I'd not call him a DP though.

Why are you moving so fast? Why so desperate?

MrsJREwing · 27/12/2012 16:03

Sort out your own home and leave this guy, you both deserve better, you do sound young. A cruel thing to do, move in with someone you know you have nothing in common with, sit up flirting with his mate all night then snogging and from the sounds of it having a fumble and stopping at intercourse.

Part of me is wondering what to do about his so called friend of his.

DontmindifIdo · 27/12/2012 16:11

Deal with one thing at a time, end your relationship with your DP and find somewhere else to live.

Then, once dust is settled etc, if your current DP's friend feels the same way about you, then you could think about doing something about that. However, be warned, the sort of bloke who will snog his friend's girlfriend in his own house, isn't the sort of bloke that has high morals. you might have been having a crisis because you'd realised you'd moved in with someone who isn't right for you, he doesn't have that excuse, this is just who he is.

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 27/12/2012 16:15

Perhaps you should talk to your partner and tell him how you feel.

This is information he deserves to have, don't you think?

He then has the choice to make informed decisions. And you can decide what you want too.

Original poster

bristolcities · 27/12/2012 16:30

The thing is I payed deposit and month in advance, I can't kick him out, not right now. I want to support him

OP posts:

ShipwreckedUnderTheTree · 27/12/2012 16:35

Why would you be kicking him out?

Why would you not be leaving?

MrsJREwing · 27/12/2012 16:38

ahh here come the excuses.

Original poster

bristolcities · 27/12/2012 16:40

I have a son and I payed for the house. If I leave both my son and I will be homeless and I will be 15hundred pounds short. I do love him, I just do.t know if enough

OP posts:

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly · 27/12/2012 16:43

so what do you want then?

VBisme · 27/12/2012 16:44

You want to hope DPs "friend" hasn't already started boasting to his other mates - I think this decision may be taken out of your hands.

MrsJREwing · 27/12/2012 16:46

You certainly don't respect him enough judging by your behaviour with his friend.

You moved your child in to a house with a man yoi barley know and have nothing in common with WTF? speaking as a lone parent in a previous ea relationship, that is not something I would do and I can't think of a reason why anyone else would.

Ask the guy to leave, keep away from his mate and concentrate on yourself and son.

Has nobody told you, do not move in with someone till you know them four seasons?

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