Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone have big age gap success stories? (Or not?)

29 replies

MincePieLover · 27/12/2012 01:25

Have name changed for this. I've been single for a while now and met someone over the festive period through something work related. We exchanged numbers and have been texting today, and he's asked me out for a coffee. I could tell he was a bit older than me (maybe ten years I thought). Anyway - turns out he must've been bathing in formaldehyde as he's actually 22 years older than me. (I'm 35 and he's 57.)

I don't usually fancy older chaps but even this was a shock. When I told him how old I was he said he'd understand if I wanted to cancel the coffee.

Does anyone have any positive experience re. this type of age gap? I don't know whether to agree with him that we should cancel or whether that's silly. Even at 35 it's hard to meet someone you actually fancy (as I did with him), so I genuinely don't know what I should do. Weird to think he'll be 60 in three years time. NB. Genuinely don't see the appeal of older blokes generally; am not a daddy's girl, for starters, and I think Ron Wood's pathetic. This guy was lovely though and seemed very very youthful. Any advice v gratefully received.

OP posts:
Darkesteyes · 27/12/2012 01:34

Hi. Ive been with my DH for nearly 21 years. We met when i was 19 and he was 42. We havent had sex or affection between us for 16 yrs. His choice. I have had an affair in that time. Also Dh has been disabled for the last six years. I dont think its age in DHs case though. Its just him.

sudka1 · 27/12/2012 02:19

I have been happily married for 12 years town 16 years older than me.

sudka1 · 27/12/2012 02:20

To man 16 years older than me-bloomin ipod

orangerex · 27/12/2012 02:49

Fast forward to being a 55 year old living with a 77 year old. Don't do it. I met my DH when I was 36. He is 7 years older than me and even that gap is difficult at times.

rockinastocking · 27/12/2012 03:06

My dp is 15 years older than me. He's 54, while I turn 39 in May. I'd be lying if I said the gap never crosses my mind, but only when I'm not with him.

When we're together I'm so happy I feel like a teenager, and there's no tangible difference between us in terms of outlook that I can detect. He certainly doesn't seem old and in fact is the coolest person I know.

My ex-dh, on the other hand, was three years older than me and we were so poles apart in terms of outlook...he made me feel about 100 years old. I

weblette · 27/12/2012 03:23

Dh is 20 years older than me, we met when I was mid-twenties.
We have 4 dcs, he was 55 when youngest was born. He's probably fitter than most men my age and runs about 30km a week.
Age difference doesn't bother me in the slightest, or the kids or him for that matter.

BabyBorn · 27/12/2012 03:56

My husband is 19 years older than me. We have been together 6 years and married for 4. He has a 19 year old from previous relationship and I have an 8 year old from previous. We also have our 8 month old together. I do look further down the line and wish he was younger so we could be together for many more years, but then when I think about it, I could go before him! Who knows! I would definatley say, don't let age hold you back!

TrinityRhino · 27/12/2012 04:25

My dh was 18 years older than me. West when I was 21, we had three children and were very happy for 10 years till he died in a car crash 3 and a bit years ago.

My dp is 20 years older than me, we are very happy

TrinityRhino · 27/12/2012 04:26

We met not west...

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail · 27/12/2012 05:34

My OH is 58 and I'm 33. My XH is almost 50. For me it's not been about chronological age at all. I'm much more on the same wavelength as the lovely man I'm seeing now than I ever was with my ex.
The only bit that makes me really sad is the reality that we probably won't be able to have a baby together.

Timetoask · 27/12/2012 06:50

Don't do it.
If you get together and it goes well, you might have 10 years of happiness, and then his body will start to age, you will still be young but won't be able to enjoy life because will have to be a carer to him.

prozacbear · 27/12/2012 08:14

There are 18 years between DP and I. We've not been together nearly long enough to be a success story as it's still pretty new, but hopefully I've something to contribute.

The gap can be difficult as we are of different generations - a few awkward moments and palpable judgement from strangers and even a couple of friends. But surprisingly lots of support. I worry about the age gap a lot - when I'm with him we have the best time and it' s the last thing on my mind but when we're not together I worry about the future and am paranoid he''ll have a heart attack or get run over by a car (not age related I know!!) or something. But we are very, very happy.

Conclusion? I've met a woman who is now a carer to her older husband, and another with the same age gap where both still work full time and are merrily waving their eldest off to uni. It seems a bit of a lottery tbh, but sounds as if you like him so what harm can a speculative coffee do?

rockinastocking · 27/12/2012 08:56

Just to add, there were eight months between my grandparents, who were madly in love.

They married at 21, had a baby, then grandad went off to war and was away for 6 years. By the time he came back grandma's heart had started to fail. They had another baby, and when that baby was 7, my grandma died. Grandad was a widower at 37.

So, there are no guarantees, whatever the age gap. Life has a way of throwing stuff at you whether the details look good on paper or not.

And you fall in love with a person, not a birth certificate. It would take a stronger woman than me to walk away from someone who ticks every box just because of their age. I'm just not that pragmatic or practical.

And I'd rather have ten happy years than thirty ok ones.

higgle · 27/12/2012 10:16

No one is suggesting you get married at the moment - even him. Why not see how you get on? It might not last forever but ou might have lots of happiness out if it in the short term. In my family there are two very happy marriages where there is a 17 year age gap - in one the couple married when she was 17 and he was 34, the other couple are now 89 and 72 and enjoying an active life together in retirement.

Original poster
MincePieLover · 27/12/2012 11:26

Hi all

Many thanks for your considered replies! Lots of conflicting views there.....and things to think about.

I suppose it's right that a coffee won't hurt (and that you definitely don't fall in love with a birth certificate).

On the other hand, I am (still) hoping out for children at this age; my last relationship was with a man who definitely didn't want any, and I don't really have much time left to spare on someone who isn't up for the kids thing. This 57 year old doesn't have kids and I wonder if he just never wanted any.

Lots of ifs and buts and I could find out by asking, but I suppose I don't want to fall for someone who could just lead to more heartache on that front. At the same time, it's hard to ask these 'heavy' things when you're just at the coffee stage. Hmm.

OP posts:
dequoisagitil · 27/12/2012 11:38

Why not have a fling, keep it casual, non-exclusive and keep dating others?

If he hasn't got dc at 57, he probably didn't want to - or couldn't. Therefore unlikely to be good long-term prospect if you want children.

thesnowmanrocks · 27/12/2012 14:43

There is 15 years betwewn me and dh.Me 32, dh 47. Been together 10 yrs, married for 5. Tbh I never think of age gap. Although I win on old age related jokes. Suppose if you just click it doesn't matter!

christmaswhine · 27/12/2012 16:01

christ- its a coffee not a marriage proposal!

just go for a drink.

KitCat26 · 27/12/2012 16:29

My Dh is 18 years older than me, we've been together for 7 years now, married for 4 and have two DDs. We're happy together.

We did just click and it was a very instant attraction with similar interests and sense of humour. I guess only time will tell if we are an age gap success story though!

What Christmas said too!

Frikadellen · 27/12/2012 16:42

I went to school with a girl who had a father who was 22 years older than her mother. I can recall many of us saying that he would not be around when she was an adult. We lost touch but recently got back in touch via facebook. turns out her mother (young back then) passed away from cancer a few years ago but her father now age 92 is still around all there and is the one who takes her son to football every week. (he was 50 when she was born and 58 when her youngest sibling was born - and I have now outed my age laughs)

There is no guarantees in life. Go meet the guy see if it works out but be open about wishing kids. If he doesnt then decide if it is worth going forward. Don't let age be the decide work out if he is worth it for him. & good luck.

Original poster
MincePieLover · 27/12/2012 20:16

Okay - I've taken all your advice on board and agreed to go for coffee tomorrow. After all, as most of you have said - it's just coffee! Smile

Will report back..!

OP posts:
arequipa · 27/12/2012 21:03

If you end up in love with each other the rest will fall into place. My uncle never wanted kids then at 50 met someone age 30 ....years later, two lovely DCs, many happy times. The sadness is losing the older partner when they die - but if there are children the loneliness is less than it would be with none.

daddyorchipsdaddyorchips · 27/12/2012 21:10

My stepfather is 22 years older than my DM. They are very happy and have been together 15 or so years. He is eternally young and heart and full of energy at 71 going on 17

Taishan · 09/06/2020 17:03

My wife is 25 years younger than me.
We have been together for 12 years, and married for 10.
Life is so wonderful, she gives me so much love and caring.

Thingsdogetbetter · 09/06/2020 17:05

Zombie. 8 years old.

Swipe left for the next trending thread