will i ever be able to have a healthy relationship?

[gtedder1]

i recently came out of a very abusive relationship, where i was subject to bullying, intimidation, constant put downs, emotional and physical abuse on a regular basis for nearly 4 years. i had never experienced anything as bad as this in previous relationships. i just got thinking....about how much this may have actually damaged me and if i will ever be able to have a healthy relationship with someone. At the moment...i just want to be alone but i think i may feel like this for a long long time.

I had a relationship like yours for 18 shitty years.

I've been with my lovely new DP for just over a year and he's amazing!

My DC love him and he treats them as if they were his own.

I spent the first few months comparing and waiting for problems to appear but he's so so different to my abusive ex.

Ive still got physical and emotional scars but each day gets better......

Good luck!

Being alone is a very good idea. Take the time to take stock, rebuild yourself, figure out wtf happened, and how to recognize and avoid abusers in future.

Doing the Freedom Programme would be excellent for (it's free, and is designed to help women who have been in abusive relationships understand and get over the experience, and learn how to recognize and avoid abusers. It exists in lots of different locations).

You will OP. I came out of an abusive relationship some years ago. I'd second the alone time, continuing to figure out who you are and surrounding yourself with loving people

bless your heart...nurseneedshelp. it fills me with joy to hear how your life has turned around for the better. thank you guys for your wonderful comments. xx

Yes i had a 16y shitty abusive marriage....has caused me problems within thr family but Im free from it now...and met a lovely caring kind man...but time alone is well and truly needed x

You can and you will. I wish you luck.

I got out of an abusive relationship many years ago. I thought that proper, loving relationships were something that other people had. That I somehow wasn't worthy. I've had a lot of counselling over the years. I am now happily married (been together 10 years) to a wonderful, caring man who thinks more of me than anything else in the world. Before meeting him I would never have thought I'd end up in a truely devoted relationship like this. So yes, you can have it too. Give yourself time to heal, get some help and support if you need it and look towards your bright and sparkling future.

After lurking around MN for a year or so and posting a tiny bit I have had a look back at my past 'significant' relationships and they all seem to have been a bit shit and a bit abusive

First bf was one of those one-uppers and very patronising (he ended up running off with my 'friend'), another bf turned out to have a gf but as she was working abroad she was bound to be cheating so that's why he was with me (whut?), another one was manically up and down (possibly undiagnosed MH thing) and current one is controlling, a cocklodger and on the way out, I assure you.

Is it me? It's them, right? It can't be always be me? My childhood was almost totally fine! I'm a strong, independent woman! I'm also heartily sick of having to bin awful men, being on my own, I can't possibly settle and I don't know what to do

I just paid a visit to the dating thread on your behalf, gt and tzella. It's definitely them!! Frogs and princes ...

what is the dating thread?? anyway thank you everyone for your kind comments . but seriously what is the dating thread??

The title is somewhat deceptive misleading but here, in its 33rd incarnation, is the aforementioned dating thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1644002-Crotch-grabbing-jelly-nailing-double-quick-portions-and-man-parts-floating-in-a-pear-tree-dating-thread-33-survived-Christmas-so-bring-on-NYE

Jump in and enjoy!

Hmm... peers over specs at tzella. When will the cocklodger be dislodged?

Honestly gtedder the dating thread is awesome. I lurk post on there all the time and the advice is invaluable.

Yes, you will recover and be able to have a relationship in the future if you want one. However, it's not compulsory to have one and it's much better to be single anyway than in a bad relationship.

izzyizin In 2013, maybe/probably/definitely I mean, we can't go on like this but I'm only 80% decided. I mean, I'm 100% decided but am going to put up with it for the rest of the holiday season, while he's on his best behaviour and I've got nothing better to do. I am aware this sounds ridiculous but... there we are

The dating thread makes me shudder (no offense meant, lovely MN daters!) I did online dating for 3-ish years before I met the current bf (met in real life too) and the thought of getting back on the merry-go-round makes me feel like DEATH.

You do NOT need a man to validate you, tzella, and you certainly don't need a cocklodger draining you dry and preventing you from becoming all you can be.

Please read Solid's reponse of 00.12.42 and realise that unless you are a glutton for punishment there's no need to get back on the merry-go-round.

I have 4 a number of fwb arrangements with like-minded souls which takes care of the few occasions when I feel the need for physical intimacy with a member of the opposite sex.

As a singleton of many years duration, I love my life. It is immensely fulfilling and satisfying and I have total freedom to live it how I choose.

I have reached nirvana a point where, if I was of a mind to commit to coupledom with one significant other, I would require a pre-nup separate bedrooms/bathrooms/studies preferably in separate houses on different continents