Mosschops needs some advice!

[christmosschops30]

Many of you will have seen various posts over the years about Dh.
Before I start, I am far from the perfect wife, I am never happy (according to Dh), I am demanding, high maintenance, bitchy and sarcastic.

Ok here goes on some of the current gripes:
We both work full time, I left a job in February, after slipping two discs, I used to work Tuesday days and then a night shift on the weekend so we had no childcare costs. Dh said he would support my new job choice as long as he didn't have any more financial commitments as couldn't afford it.
So I took the new job and currently fork out £700 in childcare per month. We don't have a joint account, he pays for some things and I pay for others. I always make my lunch, he buys lunch every day unless I make for him. This pisses me off because I can't afford to buy lunch daily.

We recently had a big fall out over housework because I was working same as him, plus doing all cooking and cleaning, he is trying a bit on this front tbh

We haven't had sex for a while, last time we did I didn't want it, lay there and let him carry on and then couldn't believe that a man could do that when his other half clearly wasn't enjoying it. I told him weeks later I felt like he'd raped me and he was horrified. This week he said I needed to give him a wank 'because I was his wife' I won't repeat my answer.

There that's enough to start with. I don't hate him, I love him but not in the right way anymore. He has never hit me, he works hard, never cheated, but this just isn't enough anymore.

I don't want anyone else I think I'd just be happier alone

I had a husband very like yours mosschops, & I totally understand that all the love you once had can just leech away a little at a time until its all gone. It doesn't take anything big or dramatic to make you resentful & feeling unloved.

Right, its up to you. Do you want to try & fix it? If so, perhaps get a cleaner & try to communicate more.

Do you feel like you want to make a go of it on your own? I know this feeling, I'd been a single parent for years while still married! If so, then its hard but I found it was worth it & I'm much much happier now I've divorced him.

I think a big indicator is your sex life, if you don't fancy him then perhaps its time to rethink...

Mosschops - I think its time for a serious talk with your DH. All relationships have ups and downs but yours seems to have been stuck in a depressing rut for far too long. Something has to give. Neither you nor DH sound particularly happy or fulfilled - maybe this new job in your hometown could be a fresh start?

travelling between 2 happy parents 6 hours apart is a better life than living with 2 unhappy parents in the same house

when my parents separated it was long distance, and made my childhood much better!

(ended up very close to my dad even though he was miles away, because there was more quality time, he was grumpy when he was home when he lived with my mum, when I travelled to see him he did much more together than we used to do when he lived in the same house full time as me and my mum, and by the end he'd started to avoid being at home anyway)

How could I move them from schools, friends, clubs . I'm sure he would fight me over it.
I have been dreaming of taking this job for a couple of months now. I have no family there anymore but my mum would be closer.

I will talk to him, I have a few days away with my mum now, then a huge assignment to write, once that's out the way I will try and tackle it one way or another

I think its obviously v fraught for you,is it a a straight fix it or split up?
if you feel like your dh has raped you,that's bleak.can you both get the love back
it's not easy to split but not easy to stay in loveless marriage.you all deserve better

you not have to relocate,split but retain the familiar school,the cm
these are things you'll need to sort, and he will co-parent with you
yes there lots if what ifs you have some big thinking todo

Our situations are quite similar. When I left my exH I moved back to my home city, its a 2 hour drive from where the ex lives now & my DS had been in reception class a week. I enrolled him in a new school & after an initial settling in time he is fine. Loves the school, made new friends but more importantly I think he has a better home life.

If you want this job then go for it :) don't regret it later. He can fight you all he wants but it won't stop you going. If you want to go then remember you have the right to be happy, your kids will be fine & may prefer a less stressed home life.

Good idea to go & see your mum, have some space to think about it & take all the time you want :)

But scottish then id be staying for him and the dcs and not following what i want to do, although i guess thats what being a parent is all about

Don't be like me. Giving 100% to your kids and it being a big mistake and you becoming resentful.

You can not live with this man for the sake of your kids when it is wrong for you. YOU matter too you know.

I think as a parent you have to realise that they're more likely to do as you do than do as you say

You're mostly a role model, are you doing things the way you'ld hope they would?

in other words, would you be happy if your kids lived a life like yours as it is?

would you be happy if they lived a life like the one you would have if you moved for the job?

or would you be happy if they lived a life like the one you would have if you separated but stayed local?

you're disputing all suggestions made no to split and move,no to split and stay same locale
if it's as evident in rl as in your posts your kids see this, be their template of adult relationship
its a fraught decision, but you need to decide, you stay or go.both will be hard