Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

How to get DH to do what he says

22 replies

jenk1 · 14/04/2006 11:58

He,s full of, this afternoon ill fix this or ill do that, just empty promises to shut me up and ive had enough.

How do you get your dh/dp to do what he promises, nagging isnt working btw

OP posts:

scoobytwo · 14/04/2006 12:18

myn is the same,totaly doesnt like/do diy so i end up trying&usualy bodge it,i have to nagg until we row or threaten to ask the bloke across the road who is a diy man by trade he usualy gets his butt in gear then

cataloguequeen · 14/04/2006 12:23

Ha! mines the same hates D.I.Y too

sometimes I just start doing it myself and he's shamed into doing it

Neva know might work with yours too!

Freckle · 14/04/2006 12:24

Write it down with date and time and then produce long list in a few weeks' time and see what he says. Tick off those he has done, but I bet the list is as long when you show it to him as it was when you wrote it.

octavia · 14/04/2006 13:11

Ha wish I knew Bathroom started 6 years ago still not finished
kitchen 5 years ago still waiting for the majority of the work tops and floor
decorating all half finished ie no gloss painting done.
What makes me mad is that I dont ask him to carry out these jobs in the first place, he just gets it in to his head that they need doing,starts and never finishes! He's still cross with me that I paid someone to do our wood flooring....thank god I did

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/04/2006 13:15

Start to do the job/task yourself.

Its almost like emasculating them and they chip in pretty quickly ive found.

If they dont, then it gets done anyway

Original poster

jenk1 · 14/04/2006 13:30

have just cleaned up the back garden, see if he notices when he gets home.

Emasculated- i like that word, when he comes home im going to be fixing the cupboard door that ive been asking for ages

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/04/2006 13:31

Yes, wait till you see him walking up the path as you start.....

Works a treat for me

octavia · 14/04/2006 14:38

But mine just says what a rubbish job I'm doing, it really gets to me

littlemisspiggy · 21/04/2006 13:54

Octavia, are you secretly married to my DH?

beckybrastraps · 21/04/2006 13:55

I tell his dad!

wilbur · 21/04/2006 14:00

dh has got a lot better recently, after years and years of broken promises and unfulfilled intentions. I don't know if it was the nagging, or he realised that our money would never stretch to get a man in and we would live in chaos and squalor forever unless he did something. The mistake I made for ages was to give up and do it myself, which meant he basically did nothing to do with the household at all beyond cooking and washing up, but then I got tough and refused to give in and that helped. I think he really felt that if he ignored things long enough they would go away, but I think he has been disabused of that now.

tarantuless · 21/04/2006 14:07

I do it myself and if he dares moan he gets an earful along the lines of 'You do it then like you said you would xxxxxx amount of time ago cos at least I'm doing something and not standing round like a f tsser'. Gerally shuts him up

redbull · 21/04/2006 15:11

Ohladies im with you all as well my dp doesnt know the differnce between a paint brush and a broom!!here is a list of things that I have done
Painted the hall stairs and landing
painted living room
painted back room
painted kitchen
painted kitchen tiles
Painted our bedroom
just started painting ds room
laminated the hall
put all the flat pack furniture together
Do front and back gardens
all house work
and all cooking and washing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND it has never shamed him in to doing any of it
the fist summer we had in our new house ds was ill so i thought right when hes better i will sort the front garden out as dp couldnt be arsed to and i then heard a lawn mower out the front looked out the window and neighbour who is 70 years old was doing it for me with her husband who suffers from alsimers i went out and really thanked her and you know what ???
dp didnt even go round to say thankyou!

octavia · 21/04/2006 21:27

little miss piggy, if I am you can willingly have him back !

Mirage · 21/04/2006 21:42

If you find a solution,let me know.It took me 3 years to shame dh into skimming a wall in the kitchen of our old house.The job actually took less than 1 hour when he actually did it!

When we put our house up for sale,I was 7 months pregnant & had to do everything myself,including taking up the old garden path & laying a new one,redecorating,decluttering & packing stuff to go into storage.He said he'd clean the carpets but never did.He is dreadful at doing jobs.He'll make lists,take days off,saying that he's going to do this,that or the other,but never does.

redbull,I had a similar experience last week.I was on my own with 2 under 2.5 year olds & started to tidy the front garden as it was a disgrace,but dd2 got upset by the noise of the strimmer,so I had to stop.The next day I was away all day,but got home at night to find that the front lawn had been mowed.I just knew that dh hadn't done it,he's never used the lawnmower.It was my pensioner neighbours who had done it for me.I was so embarrassed & thanked them profusely.DH never said a word.

mazzystar · 21/04/2006 21:47

suggest he looks after the kids/does the shopping/all the hosuework and washing whilst you attend to it. if that's how the division of labour works in your house, that is

maltesers · 23/04/2006 15:40

Jenk1...Maybe change the way you ask him to do something. "I would be really glad if you did..." whatever and then if it gets done say Thankyou. If it doesnt get done then ask again saying "do you remember the other day when you said you would do the meal/clean the bathroom etc." "well, i am really sad that you didnt stand by your word and do it". My dp is the same and rarely puts his money where his mouth is. Is very annoying but there is no point in nagging, it just puts them off even more. Good luck !

jac34 · 23/04/2006 17:27

Life is too short,and there is no point in ruining your marrage,by nagging.

I do all the gardening and most of the DIY in our house,BUT only if I feel like doing it.
I hate DIY so does DH,so why should he be forced to do it.We just get someone in to do things.We are not rich,so things just get done,as and when we have the money to do it.
It takes time but we're getting there.We can both manage a bit of painting,so if some needs doing we get ourselves motivated and do it together, it's usually done much quicker like that.
We don't want to spend all our free time working on the house,spending time with the kids comes first.
So,stop nagging him and just get someone in

colditz · 23/04/2006 17:30

Doing it yourself might backfire - that had me nailing the stair carpet down at 7 months pregnant

desperateSCOUSEwife · 23/04/2006 17:33

jenk i do all the decorating, tiling, plastering and cleaning etc in the house as dh doesnt like doing it
but if there is any woodwork or electrics, plumbing, gardening he will do it as I cant

I think a marriage can get by if you both know what your strengths and weaknesses are
build on these and good luck
xxx

if all else fails suggest hiring someone to do the job
when it comes to splashing out money on a job they can do
they usually baulk at the thought

desperateSCOUSEwife · 23/04/2006 17:34

colditz I was the same
hanging wallpaper perched on a tiny landing at 8mths pg
but that was with a gobshite ex

redbull · 23/04/2006 19:24

I think the times have really changed years ago a man wasnt affraid of doing the DIY round the house then it got to the times when it was all 50 50 and now men have taken advantage on us women and sit back and let us do all the hard work that includes doing every thing i think men now a days dont see that being a house wife is a full time job and they think all we do all day is be on mumsnet and having a cup of T the cheek of it!!

Flip