Am hanging on by a thread. Trying to batten down the hatches & get through the next few days trapped with my parents.
V nasty mother makes it clear that everything is my fault & I can do no right. I am not allowed to feel anything or be anything. She only wants me here so I bring Ds. Basically it would all be so much easier if only I had died not my sister. She has made my life a misery for three decades & now she's pulling the 'oh poor little old me' card & it sticks in my throat.
I have been diagnosed with a lesser version of same thing that killed my sister. I have become terribly disabled. I begged my parents for help in the summer & they said no. Finally helped by taking my child for half a week each week for 5 weeks. Mother has refused to speak to me since August, yet has gone round the village getting sympathy for how hard it all is that her last living daughter is so ill.
They've got no idea how ill I am or what medical things have happened... Because they don't care enough to ask. Yet pretend to know to other people to get sympathy & support. My mother makes me feel physically sick.
I had to go to theirs for Xmas as my carers are on holiday & didnt want my baby to go to theirs without me. I hate it. Am trapped here & it's horrible knowing they only want me here to get to their grandson. Couple of weeks ago My dad phoned me up to say I needed to make a will naming them as executors & legal guardians of my son. When pushed he told me they'd left everything to my son in trust - with neither trustee bring myself. So they disinherited me And forcing me to give them my son. And are so unashamed of their begaviour they cant see anything wrong with it. Lucky I've no intention of dying or giving them Ds. But they find new ways to hurt me all the time.
Being at my parents house is like torture. Trapped in small village w no public transport or even a taxi company. As always every action movement or breathe is listened into & judged. Can't phone anyone, can't even go to the loo without them overhearing. Cried earlier as my father had 'lost' most of my ds presents from me. Went into a flat spin cos my eyes go red & puffy when i cry, & its like ammunition to them. It's only on this visit they've finally accepted I will be staying in bed most of it & they can't force me to get up & do everything their way, cos I am so crippled now. But they are itching to try & make me anyway.
Sorry had to unload somehow. It's awful. Sorry probably doesn't even make sense.