We are not going to make it through this year,

[Valiant1]

That's what he said last night, my dh. Am so deflated we have four kids we both work and he says i am moody. I am tiered most of the time and to be honest am fine with him going till i think about it them i fall to pieces and really couldn't live without him. What do i do? He is a good man he helps with house work childcare. He is perfect and i am going to lose him. But we fall out over everything! Its a vicious circle!

Well, its not a great time to bring it up, is it?!

But, now he has said it you can both have some honest discussions - seek relationship therapy (Relate?) etc and see what can be done to nurture eachother and rediscover the relationship :)

What do you fall out over exactly?

If you've got in the habit of being ratty with him, you should consider counselling to sort your issues out because moodiness is not easy for anyone to live with - and that includes the moody cah/fucker.

If you're as bad as each other in the ratty stakes, consider joint counselling at Relate or similar.

Unless you are super-organised (think regimented) having 4 dc and working f/t is going to be tiring. Can you get in extra help to take some of the pressure off? How old are the dc? Do they help around the house? Does everyone pull their age-appropriate weight or does the task of being chief organiser & bottle washer fall to you?

Our dc are 10, 7,6, and 15moths. They all help out.
We talked and its me and sex because i don't want it! I just can't be bothered to have it! And he says my not been happy isn't helping.
I am not happy about my body have always been big and can't lose weight because i am a emotional eater the more we argue the more i fat the worse i feel
I will go to counselling but can't help thinkin maybe this is for the best have a break :-(

When did you last have a real break/holiday OP? I don't mean your maternity leave, I mean a proper rest where you didn't have to worry about anything, or work. Because I find that when I'm plain worn out I get ratty & emotional.

As Izzy says, f/t work plus 4 DCs is a massive burden & must be exhausting, and I can understand why you might not want sex if you're tired out. You may be swinging between happy that he wants to leave and terrified about it because at different times either option looks like the path of least resistance & take the least effort on your part?

It seems that your dh sees you as a desirable woman and, understandably, wants to physically demonstrate his love for you, but you are so down on yourself that you don't believe you are desirable.

But is there more going on here than it seems at face value? Although you may not like yourself very much at the moment, do you like and love your dh or are you staying with him out of fear you won't be able to work and cope with 4 dc as a single parent?

Unless it's a very short term fix, comfort eating rarely brings any comfort and it can be a destructive habit that creates more problems than it solves.

It sounds as if you've never been particularly comfortable in your own skin. If this is the case, counselling will be able to help you discover the underlying issues that are causing you to stay trapped in a vicious circle
that is unlikely to change with the ending of your marriage and it could be that, if your dh leaves,you'll find yourself taking out your inner unhappiness on your dc.

Tired, moody, lack of sex drive and you have always been big, have you considered talking to your GP? I think those can all be symptoms of under-active thyroid. So it may be worth checking to see if there is a physical cause. Although having 4 children and working is of course tiring.

www.patient.co.uk/health/hypothyroidism-underactive-thyroid

I don't think having a break from each other is the answer. I do think that tackling the underlying issues of tiredness , anxiety and low self esteem will be.