I'm ruining Christmas and need support & or a kick up the arse to pull it back

[itsallinmyhead]

Long, looooooong story.

DS 1 is 19 days old. I've only been out of hospital 10 days, as I had complications with the birth and the epidural, which lead to my being extremely poorly and spinal fluid leaking. I'm still somewhat in shock/ recovery and struggling to get over that.

DD is 14 and this is the first year in a lot of years that i've had her wonderful company at Christmas. (she normally spends it with her dad).

Due to complicated birth/ shock of becoming poorly/ still recovering and general trying to find my feet again with a new baby, I've been dreading Christmas. My DP's DM and DB arrived to our very small home last night.

My Dsis, her DH & their 2DC were originally supposed to come tomorrow too but dsis thankfully sensed it was all too much and made alternative plans.

DS is now poorly with a cold (DP is taking him to gp as I type, so fingers crossed it's only a cold) I was up all last night with him and am worried sick (and even more exhausted).

I don't have a great r.ship with dmil and all of the above is impacting on my mood to the point that I feel like I must be ruining Christmas for everyone.

This was supposed to be a special year but I'm finding myself in my bedroom with bub, trying to comfort him and catch up with some sleep & to a degree, avoiding being around the others in the hope my flat mood can be side swerved by them, especially MIL, because despite the fact I can't help how I feel towards her, I hate that I feel like this and don't want to upset her.

I'm sorry that I'm waffling. Help! I need support/ coping strategies and probably a massive kick up the arse.

I'd love to know why on earth your guests thought it would be appropriate to spend Christmas with you when you have just had a new baby - surely 99% of people would have had the common sense not to visit at a time like this? Did your DP actively invite them?

Really hope things improve for you like your guests going home

I wish, Ragwort, however despite being kept awake for a second night running with the poorly bub, i'm expected to want to get up and get involved with it all.

Meh...RY Christmas. I want to cry.

Expected by whom? Your in-laws can expect all they like. Managing them is your DP's job.

Do your guests live far away? Any chance you can have a word with your DP, explain to him how you're feeling & get Xmas lunch/ dinner over with ASAP and send them home? Sorry if that sounds harsh but sounds like its what you need x

itsall, I'm guessing you're busy right now. There are 3 adults in your house apart from you (if in-laws have turned up) - they can work!!!! If you want to do the dinner at least let them tidy up, wash up, all the boring grotty jobs and enjoy your day with your children. Can't believe you're having guests and looking after them, both my children were November babies and I was not as organised as you.

Just focus on your dd and the baby. Don't worry about Christmas. Let the three other adults crack on with that.

Get your DD onto the sofa with you to enjoy the Christmas TV and wait on you when you want food and drinks and let her choose what to watch. Ignore everything and everyone else!

Thank you all so much.

Your support and advice has got me through today.

I'm now counting the hours until they depart tomorrow. Unfortunately, DD is being picked up by her DF tomorrow too.

What a shame, no time (this time) just the four of you. But you will have lots and lots of time in the weeks to come.

Take good care of yourself.

Many, many, many thanks.

Despite being on the 'last lap' before they leave I need to get this off my chest and I thought I might be allowed to just post my rant here.

Sorry it's so late but I need to get this off my chest. Gp told us to feed bub in the bathroom with the shower on for steam to help his nose if he was getting badly bunged up...she's just said, I might need to be able to get to the toilet so if you're planning on doing that again can you run it by me?

She then went on to fall asleep on the sofa (fair enough, she does it all day/night, not a problem) and DD asked me if she could try her new games console while I was upstairs seeing to putting bub down. I of course said yes.

Next thing DD comes upstairs saying MIL woke up and demanded it went off as her show was coming on before waiting for DD to turn it off and then fall back asleep.

Roll on tomorrow!

Thanks all for hanging in there with me through this.

Why is your dp not protecting you from all this? It's his mother being rude and demanding after all!

Why is your dp not protecting you from all this? It's his mother being rude and demanding after all!

Horrible!
My mil came for Christmas when dd2 was 4 weeks old, I'd had a ghastly pregnancy which had included an operation on my kidney and an air ambulance transfer, I'd spent 4 of the 9 months approx in hospital and would be ill for another year.

Mil cleaned our house from top to bottom, took other 2 dcs out swimming/to the park/to do the food shop. She did Christmas lunch (while letting me do the bits I'm best at, soup and stuffing!! So I felt I'd contributed!) and snuggled me up on the sofa whenever I needed to.

I'm not saying this to show off or make you feel bad. I'm saying this cos any decent human being would do the same.

Urgh so completely self-entitled

You really do need to have a word with your dp. Is your MIL a drinker, by the way? The falling asleep all the time made me wonder.

But your dd needed to feel cherished - her first Xmas as the big sister and no longer your only child. At home with you for the first time in years, and as well as you being (quite understandably) distracted by an ill baby and recovering from a difficult birth, she's had this to contend with. Why hasn't your dp been sorting it out?

A lot of the demands have been made outside of DP's earshot, therefore it seemed petty to keep bringing them up, however the console situation was solved wonderfully by him, without him even being aware. He went into the front room and said "I thought you were going to try your new game" to DD who told him his mum wanted it off.

He immediately told his DM that DD was to have her game on...I was over the moon!

They've just left and I already feel wonderful. Unfortunately DD has also been picked up by her dad but she's off for a second round of gifts, so i'm happy for her.

Thank you all.

Well done for getting through this Christmas, hope you're inviting yourself to your MIL's next Christmas!

Have they gone yet?

sorry x-post, they've gone!!!!!!

I'm avoiding MIL until boxing day next year.

I will be insisting on a day with only my DC and DP.

I wouldn't have gotten through it without the support on here. I am truly thankful.