hi
feeling very alone and down this morning. long long story but my dh and i seperated last year. very ugly situation of verbal, emotional, financial abuse. i finally had enough last jan and had him removed from the house. this time last year i was in an awful state. i was literally living on my nerves and just got through xmas. so anyway in sept we got back together after counselling etc. and things have been going ok. few money issues but we got them sorted.
so this year was actually i was feeling so happy that we had put a couple of horrible years behind us. i was really excited for xmas. we have young kids so santa and all the hype has been brilliant.
dh got his hols from work on fri and again we were both excited to have some family time and a chance to chill etc. but guess what - of course it hasn't worked out like that - more fool me. this prob sounds mad but yest i could just sense that he was gone or going into one of his moods. he has this way of nearly acting like a teenager when hes getting into bad form. he usually goes for a couple pints every night but last nite i had to go to a church function so he stayed in and looked after kids and seemed fine with that. i came home at 10 pm with my brother and dh insisted we go down to the local for a couple so we did back at 11.30pm and again dh seemed fine he had a couple of bottles of beer at home and seemed really chilled. so we went to bed at 1am and were chatting and cuddling and then i said nite and he started sulking saying i thought we were going to make love. i said no that wasnt my intention am knackered - he wasnt angry as such just almost sulking and making me feel guilty - saying i never want to (we have already had sex 3 times this wek so its not like hes deprived). so 5am our 2 yr old was coughing and crying so i brough him into our bed and out of the blue dh started telling me i was lazy and terrible person to bring ds into our bed instead of going and geting him cough bottle etc etc - again not shouting but being really horrible. he took ds to kitchen and got him cough bottle and put him back in his cot. he nearly wanted a medal for it. he kept telling me i was lazy etc etc. so told him he was an asshole and he doesnt deserve me. he said he'd never forgive me etc. (ps i am up almost every night to one of the dc's and he doesn't ever even hear them so it not like i am lazy)
sorry if this sounds childish but you would just have to be here to get a sense of his attitude and the way he can say alot without saying much at all. and when i try and respond he makes out likes hes the injured party.
so am awake since 5am very upset. here with my two smallies (while he is still in bed) and instead of being over the moon about santa with my 4yr old dd who has been counting the days - i am here upset - tired - hungover - disappointed.
i cant figure out is he over tired from the pints the last few nights, he is mad that i went out last night which meant he couldn't - what is it?????????
merry xmas!