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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to prepare for divorce

3 replies

StaringIntoAbyss · 24/12/2012 08:36

Basically, I need to prepare for the practical side of divorce. The word itself chills me to the bone but we've been sliding towards it for the past 2 years and I can't ignore it. We have a child which complicates matters enormously.

Background: We've been married for 10 years. Both live far from our families and respective countries. He does contract work which is better paid but it does mean we moved a fair bit in the past and uncertainty can be worrying. I don't have a diploma in the field i work in but my experience meant I could get well paid contracts. I gave up work since I had DC so with the current economic climate and a hole in my CV it will be difficult to get back on the job ladder. My husband has fairly recently lost his father after a long and brutal illness. I tried to support him the best I can but with him becoming unpleasant and on some occasions downright scary I am running really low on goodwill. I am the one making friends, maintaining connections to our families, calling, inviting people over. He is ok with it and sometimes makes an effort but generally says he only needs me and DC. He doesn't want me to visit my family and them to visit me. Because of distance it can't be a weekend which is what he is comfortable with. I dread his burst outs every time it happens. We tried Relate counselling at my insistence - it relieved some tension but haven't hugely improved our relationships. I am suffocating and my self esteem has hit the rock bottom. I have a feeling a divorce is going to be nasty but I am not sure how to start preparing for it.

OP posts:
IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 24/12/2012 08:47

Hi Starting. A lot to work through. I think it has to be one step at a time. Have you got financial paperwork at home that you can look at to understand finances and have you seen a solicitor (will often offer free half hour) our been to CAB?

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 24/12/2012 08:50

When I was in this situation our mn group had plenty of good ideas. One was to take a practical and an emotional step each day. Would it help to make a list today of some practical things that you will do straight after Xmas?

StaringIntoAbyss · 24/12/2012 09:06

God, I hoped somebody would say I am overreacting and should pull myself together. Sad

I can't think of any more practicals apart from understanding finances and making an appointment with a solicitor. I haven't thought about emotional steps. Is it something like finding a psychotherapist to talk things through?

OP posts:
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