dp's family don't like me he wants keep the peace but doesn't stand up for me wwwyd?

[whatdoithinknow]

I can tell my dp's family don't like me his mother especialy blanks me wen she can get away with it then acts nice as pie. I know my dp must have noticed but doesn't say anything. It is probably to do with arguments that we have had that he has ran to her and bitched about me about....cmd the fact that I find her v false and annoying anyway. But thats besides the point I know my dp's in a tough situation but shouldn't he at some point put me first? Or does this mean he thinks she is right? Dp's brother is lovely and not one to join in the bitching and we get on fine where as his sisters are very much like their movies and I cant be bothered with them much either! I haven't mentioned anything to dp as I know it must be hard for him but it is bugging me....what would others do? If I mention it to him it wont get any betta probly cause an argument but on the other hand I wish he'd stand up for me a bit! Feel betta now afta the rant! Bloody christmasa brings out the worst in families:-(

He can't stand up for you if you haven't mentioned anything to him. Just because you think he "must have noticed" does not make it so.

I would recommend two things:

• think of past events where you felt their dislike, and whether there is really any evidence in these events that they dislike you, and

• talk to your partner about your feelings.

It doesn't sound as if you've made any effort whatsoever to win over the females in your dp's family, but if he runs to his mummy and bitches about you everytime you argue he's not mature enough to be in a relationship.

How old is he and how long have you been a couple? Do you live together?

I'm a bit confused by what you expect him to do exactly, when you say 'stand up for me'. Does his mother actually do/say anything awful to you - have you actually had arguments with her and has she insulted you to your face?

By being 'false and annoying' and by 'blanking you' then being 'as nice as pie' I am getting the impression that yes, you are right, she is not that wild about you. But she is doing her best to be polite and civil and pleasant, and to overcome her dislike for her son's sake.

But then you sound as if you are exactly the same towards her.

If the dislike really does stem from things your DP has 'run to mummy' about, then perhaps she is wary of you because those things were real red flags about the relationship, and your DP's mum just sees you both heading for disaster? Without knowing what they are we can't really comment.

And I am always very wary of anyone who describes other people as 'false'. What does it mean exactly? In my experience it usually just means that you don't like them.

Why do you expect them to like you when you clearly don't like them? Sometimes you have to be the bigger person, make an effort, ignore the trivial stuff like 'blanking' and stop keeping real or imagined feuds going just for the sake of it.

so you don't like them and can't be bothered with them and they don't like you and can't be bothered with you (and we have no way of knowing which was in response to which)?

what do you expect him to do about it?

maybe make a bit of an effort. relationships are built.

how long have you been together by the way? and what arguments are you referring to that he'd have reported to his mother and would have cast you in a bad light in your mind?

If it helps, I don't think my DP's sisters and mother are crazy about me, but all you can do is be polite and do the right thing. Treat others as you would like to be treated. If you don't have to see them much, what's the problem?