Please help me (and everyone else feeling like me right now) feel positive for the next few days

[pleasestopcarolling]

I feel completely depressed tonight - I always do everything for Christmas and really enjoy it but this year I just can't get in the Christamssy mood and when I do it's short lived.

Works shite -another story another time but mostly because there are people being bullied and I hate the atmosphere - finsihed on Friday for Xmas so not dwelling on that but even though I was well prepared for Xmas there wasn't much Xmas spirit around.

Relationship going form bad to worse as DH distances himself further and further from all things family and me.

Not seeing any family either as all live over other side of country and won't travel - don't feel that parents can/want to cope with 3DC so not an option to go to them either.

So even though at this stage I'm normally excited doing Christmas I really feel what's the point? Just went to a lovely carol service this evening, came back and had mice pies mulled wine etc but carol effect wore off quickly as DH just wandered off after eating and me chatting to DC and having fun resulted in a sulky DH pointing out (when I found him) that it was late and the DC should have been in bed ages ago.

I don't want to feel like this at Christmas - it's about the DC having fun I know but I just feel that DH is bringing me down at every turn that I don't have enough energy to do Christmas and pretend I'm having fun. I want them to have a great Christmas but if I carry on like this I'll spoil it by breaking down in tears or just sreaming my head off at DH. Since neither is an option please can someone help me find some coping strategies to get me through the next couple of days. I know I'm not the only one on here having a bad time so I'm hoping this will be useful to lots of people.

I wonder if Christmas is shining a bit of a spotlight on your relationship with DH?

It sounds like you and DC were fine, until he ruined it.

To be honest huge rows at Christmas or someone bursting into tears sounds quite traditional.

You're probably right - I put on a brave face most of the time but I get out and about with the DC and DH is at work . Having him around more does make it harder as I resent running around like a headless chicken when he does nothing to help out and when I ask him to help he tells the DC to do it and I end up having to help or supervise them doing it. It's easier to be on my own.
But I need to pull myself together - there's nothing really different from any other Christmas so I need to get on with it.
So some festive cheery ideas please.

carolling yep, I get it.

I am married to a lovely man - well, on paper, he's a lovely man. But, Christmas is a disaster for us.

I am tired, harrassed, and lonely. He pays for everything, I stay at home with the kids and he really thinks that earning the money is enough of a contribution to Christmas. Indeed, he has already told me that I'm "ruining christmas" by asking him to help me pack the car. Sigh.

The kids will have a ball. We are going to my in-laws (this just gets worse and worse) and they'll have a huge fuss made of them.

But, my inlaws, whilst very nice people, have stiff upper lips. And, they Don't Mention Things. And, my upper lips are wobbly, and I always think its better to be honest and deal withthings rather than pretend things are ok.

DH will hide behidn the christmas crossword and not say a word to anyone. Then he'll drink too much and fall asleep.

I am dreading it. I want to ask the awkward questions. In fact, I want to leave the buggers to it, sit in front of the telly, drink wine and knit.

Fecking Festivities. I really thought it'd be magical with kids in the mix. Sigh.

So some positive thoughts then...
I really enjoyed the carol serice it was all candlelit which was a potential nightmare with 3 dc holding candles and trying to hold hymn books as well but I managed to hold to 2 candles and a hymn book while DS and DD had a candle and other DD had her book - so one eye on the DCs with the candles - on one the hymn book one on the candles lighting DDs book and one on DDs hair perilously close to the candles - it was great fun - the lady behind was singing the other tunes so I joined in and in spite of the potential fire hazards I really enjoyed it. Throughout DH sat at the other end of the pew and only got involved when DD nearly set light to his hymn book - but I didn't care cos I was having fun.
you see i can do it - i just need to get that feeling back. That's Christmas for me.

"But I need to pull myself together"

Which means you think the way you're feeling is irrational, unreasonable, your fault and your responsibility to fix? Sounds like Christmas, when you feel you ought to be having a good time, is just showing up the cracks in your relationship that you paper over all year. Rather than pulling yourself together, therefore, I'd take the time to do some clear thinking, weighing up the options and ask yourself if this is how you want to be feeling this time next year.... or if something drastic in your life has to change.

You sound as if you are fine, you even enjoyed a potentially stressful Carol service.
I would start to make plans as to what you are going to do to make sure next Christmas is much better.

As for this year: limit no rows etc. to one day; limit your expectations to what is easily do able; try to build in some exercise for you and the kids; have somewhere to escape to if things kick off.